But I was as welcome as a fresh piglet in a Ramadan Feast. That grand pooh-bah, Mort, never returned my emails, and turned his back on me despite my plea for a hug.
The final straw came when I realized that I had become the fodder for meta-captions, and one sick, sick monkie even impersonated me on "Alter-Ego Day."
F*cking monkies. Rot in Hell.