[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 02/02/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Hump and Run: The naked defender humps the receiver at the start of the play in an attempt to throw him off.

American Football Terms

Fumble: When a breast carrier loses possession by dropping the breast; the first player to regain possession of the loose breast is said to make the recovery, and his team keeps the breast.

The Tight End: ...


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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To Think! Just last week we were in passionate Patagonia, our perfectly pert posteriors supported by the soft cradling arms of former french foreign ministers. Our lips tantalized by the sheer decadence of champagne made from the hand crushing of live baby hedgehogs. The luxurious Patagonia air streamed through our hair as our speed boat sped past the lesser spotted speckled scarlet swans.

"I say!" I said, with a handsome smirk spread like Carmen Electra across my face, "Here is Regis Philburn, come to read classic Captain Kirk lines from your most favourite Star Trek episodes."

You giggled and blushed and drooled and snorted, but every second of it was pure bliss, my sweetest friend.

"I have a suprise for you!" you said, your dangeriously delicate, dusky, dulcet delivery caused finches to fly down and rest lovingly in your heavenly heaving busoms. You handed me a freshly removed lambs heart, and in front of me with laser red sharp nails you carved the letters "BFF"

"OMG! BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!" I exclaimed in a high pitched voice, reminiscent of a little japanese school girl who while lost and stuck in the Alps, had just finished eating the last of her school friends.

I was just about to, with bushy eyebrows arched, raven strands of back hair swirling, and mad rabid dog smile, agree to your terms...

when a man with loud speaker vocal chords shouted out across the lake,

"Boat #23 please come back to shore."

There are 28 messages for this day.
<David Byrden> Those are damn good captions!
<Pedro Gonzales> Love it!!- Maybe somebody can clarify the textbook definition of the "The Tight End" for me...?!

"a handsome smirk spread like Carmen Electra across my face"

<guyPaulo> Sadley, I missed the Superbowl spectacle(s). I was watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
<yoyology> The Brazilian Bikini Girl has some staying power! Still on that front page after all this time.
<Mort> I just found this link hidden in the alt tag of Achewood ( ...www.achewood.co... ) -
<JulieK> Sweet.
<apple juice is a verb> When I get old and nostalgic for the decade I grew up in, am I too going to want a portrait of myself posing with my favorite MCs/DJs/Japanese shibuya-kei rockers?
<yoyology> I was wondering whether they'd do one of a fan giving Marilyn Manson head on stage. You think?
<Mort> Yes, quick email them and ask.
<guyPaulo> Uhhhh, or maybe not.
<yoyology> Dear Johanna-

I just LOVE your Stevie art! You do it so well. They just come out BEAUTIFUL.

I'm hoping you can help me. I know that Stevie is your absolute favorite performer, but do you ever do pictures of anybody else? The reason I ask is, my all-time favorite singer is GG Allin. He put so much of himself into his performances, but now he's gone, and I'd really like a picture of me with him to keep his memory alive.

Here's a website with some info about him: ...www.bizarremag.com... I have a lot of other good pictures. Please write back and tell me what you think.


<Mort> Beautiful Yoyo, your dedication to such an idol brings a fresh tear to my eye.


<yoyology> Watch ...www.mailbucket.org... to see if she answers.
<Jellyloo> GG Allin was cute and fuzzy like a chinchilla. A chinchilla which did very naughty things on stage.
<Mort> Ssh don't tell anyone but I have a hedgehog, which is like a chinchilla cept so much better.
If you ask nicely I will let you see...
<Jellyloo> I demand photographic evidence.
<Mort> As you wish.


<Jellyloo> I think I am hyperventilating.
<Mort> Perhaps you should take it easy. If only you all could see it in person. I would have loved to play with a hedgehog when I was five years old.
<Jellyloo> I have always wanted a hedgehog. I blame Mrs. Tiggywinkle.
<Mort> I read Peter Rabbit this weekend, by coincidence. I sat all quiet and read it, smiling and gasping at every page turn.
<Farmer Brown> Who would name a rabbit Peter? I just call them all 'targets'.
<Peter Rabbit> I am sopping wet, inside this watering can. I must not let the farmer hear me shiver.
<Flopsy> I will point my paw at you and give you away...wait! What is this target painted on my fur?!
<Farmer Brown> I see you rabbit! I see you point. I will catch you thief!
<Mopsy> (one of those squeals that rabbits do)
<Peter Rabbit> (A splish and a splash, and an out of the watering can dash)

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