[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 02/01/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

<Justin> Oh my god Michael! You have breasts!

<Justin> You're becoming more like a woman everyday.

<Michael> Justin, don't be devilish.
I just want to feed all the children.


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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I watched Big Fish on the big screen this weekend, and fully soaked up the message that if you have the guts to do foolish things, you can actually live life to it's fullest. The film convinced me that if I wanted something bad enough, I should ignore fear and social ramifications and just go forward with full determination to grab it. Sometimes if you do something foolish with unwavering tenacity it can come out looking like an act of genius.

I'm so fed up of being curled up in the fetal position, fear gripped, my brain thinking of millions of different conversations and actions to achieve the things that mean so much of me. Always thinking, never acting. Sitting dull eyed, in my fluorescent lit cube, typing pointless words that grow into even more impotent sentences. Or sitting on the couch at home, watching another of the endless series of senseless television shows, while my soul screams at me to get up and do something creative and special for once.

I had the hardest time breaking the lock of fear I had over doing MostEmailed. The website was made, the hosting was paid for, but still I could not stop thinking it was a foolish endeavour. I couldn't help but think that people would laugh at me rather than my captions. That my website traffic would at best comprise of just my parents or errant searchers looking for "plump granny bottoms".

I never even told Mrs. Mort until it was too late to go back, I feared that she would look at me with pity and ask, "WTF?". (Actually that did happen...)

So was I right to do what I considered foolish? Yes I think so.

Can I ignore my fear to grab what I need in life to make me happy? I hope so, I wish so.

Maybe I should just go back and hide under my desk again.

There are 28 messages for this day.
<MLimburg> Mort, you've done it again .. this will be hard to top.
<MLimburg> Re: your message above .. Two paths, each with range of destinations.

The first path - where you follow your dreams - leads you somewhere between success (where you did it right, for the right reasons, and you got there) and failture (where you lived on your own terms, holding your head up high, acting due to your true beliefs).

The second path - the one where you don't bother - leads somewhere between success (an accident of fate) and failure (remaining static, till death).

It is not just the destination that is the point, it the way you walk it.

If you do not embrace your dreams

<Roger Mexico> My son,

Never forget the lesson of Ramchandiratva, disciple of the one Buddha. "Walk both up, and down, the path of the great Mountain. For then you can say - I have walked!"

<Roger Mexico> Oh - You're welcome.


<Starbug> I dunno, I've had lots of times when I tried and failed, and I wasn't the better for trying. When your heart says "go for it" and your head says "no" ... keep track of which one was wiser.

I think the only positive thing I can say about that is that it's better to regret something you did than to regret something you didn't do.

Yeah, that pretty much falls in with my philosophy of cynical optimism. Does that even make sense?

<Roger Mexico> Or, just follow the shining path of ol' Justin there. He ain't thinkin twice about anything HE'S doing.
<infosponge> As the famous physicist Richard Feynman's wife said, "What do you care what other people think?" (read the book by the same name, it's worthwhile)
<Starbug> Fuck you, I don't care what you think!
<3Suns> Starbug, I kinda disagree with you there. Believe it or not, my New Year's resolution this year is to do more foolish things. Or rather, more things that break out of my usual habits.

The most important thing to remember is to live without regrets. You can never know whether something you could regret actually avoided serious misfortune. Keep your mistakes in mind and don't repeat them, but IMHO, you should never second-guess the past.

<guyPaulo> Once again, Mort makes us look like amateurs with his superb caption.

Its very easy to say that you should live without regrets, but sometimes using your head instead of your heart(or penis) is the best way to handle a situation. I usually find that the more passionatly I want to do something spontanious, the more I regret it latter on.

<Jmofwiw> In my experience, being properly spontanious takes a lot of planning.
<Axolotl> We have evidence: The Jackson are assimilated by the Borg!


<guyPaulo> Wow, 23 names in the log at this moment. Pretty cool. That log feature is starting to grow on me.
<mypalmike> Can someone hook me up with some plump granny bottoms?

But seriously, Mort, mostemailed is the only web site I go to on a daily basis besides google. I for one am glad you got off the couch.

Love, Dad.

<apple juice is a verb> I regret slapping the neighbor child on the hands with wires when I was three. His face twisted into one of the most horrible expressions of pain I have ever seen. His happy play was ruined by my sadistic streak. I regret it because I didn't know any better...
<apple juice is a verb> Then again, I had to have known that was wrong. Why was I so evil? WHy? Why?!?
<Mort> I did many a things as a child, with cold detachment. I still feel no regrets for those actions.
I feel regret those things I have done as an adult, I feel more regret for the things I never did.
I don't know whether I am going to feel more regret for doing nothing right now, or more when try to do something and fail.
<mypalmike> I shiver with regret every time I think of just about anything I've ever done. Even in good things, I find the bad.
<mypalmike> Oh man, I can't believe I just typed that. I'm such a loser.
<apple juice is a verb> honestly, i don't spend so much time worrying about regrets as worrying that everything i do is going to fail...my studies, my relationship, my job, etc.
<apple juice is a verb> and thusly mostemailed.com becomes a group therapy session for its regulars.
<3Suns> Hmm, no newbies today. They would have been hard-pressed to come up with three unrelated captions.
<Jellyloo> I waiver between regret and resignation. I mean, what else is there to do?
<Mort> There is compromise and heart felt conversation.
<Jellyloo> Oh yeah. I forgot those two options.

<Mort> There is a cunning third option. So cunning infact that if it had a name it would be Mr. Cunin McCunningpants.
This is what you must do in order to make sure all your problems disappear.

Kill everyone in the entire world.

<Jellyloo> My arrows are sharp and my blade is bloody. I kill all the world. signed

Mr. McKillaGutty

<Mort> Make sure then, if you truely choose that option over the other two, to carve my name into one of those arrows.

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