[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos GUEST DAY! - 02/17/2004 by 3Suns
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What a lovely wedding.

And lovely bridesmaids!

... for me to POOP ON!


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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Board [Post Message]

This week's cute anthropomorphized vacuum cleaner is:


Other suckers: Roger Mexico, mypalmike, and jordie3

There are 59 messages for this day.
<MLimburg> Apologies for the rash of posts ... I'm waiting for my lift home to go, and I'm stuck infront of my work PC just waiting .. waiting .. waiting ..
<jordie3> Dude
<David Byrden> [yawn] Good morning from central Dublin, everyone...I just put my wife on the bus, and looking down the Liffey towards the docks, the sun was beginning to rise over the distant cranes and ships. After this I will walk a block to the noble grounds of Trinity College, and sneak my old glass into their recycling. But now, I'm massacring some Bran Flakes.
<mypalmike> Hey, see if you can place yourself in this webcam.
<mypalmike> (Also, just a quick note. Do not attempt to swim in that river. I recall it having the appearance of green alien slime.)
<Lauren> Good morning from central Philadelphia. I just awoke with a massive margherita hangover. First thing I did was brush my teeth. Then, forgetting I had already had this experience once before, I drank some fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice. Nasty!

Now I wait for purified water to drip through fine brown sludge into a warmed pot so I can fill my travel mug with LaColomb's finest brew. I am thankful that I ground the beans before I went to bed last night. I will leash up the dog and take a walk around Rittenhouse Square before going to the fenced run in Schuylkill River Park. This park runs parallel to a beautiful river that forms the western border of Center City. Between the park and the river are railroad tracks. I am hoping the garbage train that’s been side-railed there for the past week will have moved on. I will sit on a bench and read some Joyce Carol Oates for an hour or so while my dog frolics with others and/or eats mud and/or tennis balls. Today is my day to B: bathe the dog, banking, buy butter.

But mostly I will be thinking of how much I miss Mort’s blogs….

<David Byrden> Which webcam? It seems to alternate 5 views. The closest one to me is the one with the skyscraper. How do you pick a view?
<obtuse> No creativity from me today, I'm too sick. Blegh.
<guyPaulo> Do you have "explosive diarrhea" by any chance?
<3Suns> Greetings from eastern Massachusetts. This morning I woke up a bit late even though it felt early. I showered and grabbed orange juice to drink in the car. Some jackass on the pike kept dogging me, zipping in front and then slowing down. I was going a steady 80 mph and eventually passed him for good.

Now I'm at work, where I ate my daily granola bar and drank my daily hot chocolate.

I wish I could go for a walk in the park and sit on a bench and read for an hour. Even if there was a garbage train.

<yoyology> Greetings from the Fourth Circle of Hell. This morning I awakened screaming from the 10-second break we're allowed to make the constant suffering of being steeped in molten gold that much more poignant. Thanks for listening.
<JSchmitt> Greetings from Denver where the deer and the antelope play but the U of Colorado football players wreak mayhem. It's supposed to hit 50 F but the peaks of the Front Range are snow-capped - a metaphor for my divided attention today. YoYo: are you in a dentist's chair?
<guyPaulo> Greeting from South-East Alabama. This morning I had my typical morning slug of moonshine and customary opossum danish, then hopped on my tractor and raced 25mph down the dirt road to work for an early meeting.
<Axolotl> Greetings from Stockholm. This morning I listened to the Smiths before getting on the subway. It is freezing outside and the streets are full of evaporating snow. I spent the day at a museum, then I remembered I work at the museum.
<obtuse> No explosive diarrhea. Not even projectile vomiting (neither super- nor sub-sonic varieties). Just a nose that enjoys running at inopportune times, and a headache


<guyPaulo> Thanks obtuse. Not only do you NOT have explosive diarrhea, which would be a killer topic for a caption today, but now I have to scroll right to read the comments on the main page.
<Lauren> Obtuse, please check to see if your feet smell. If the answer is 'yes,' you are standing upside-down.
<obtuse> I can't smell much of anything at the moment, even with the aid of my feet.
<Mort> Wow people being descriptive and eloquent today, quelle suprise!

Good Morning from Los Angeles, where strange liquid is falling from the sky. The natives here are all confused.

"Is this pellegrino, or evian?" They ask, their hands held out collecting and examining smog infused rainwater.

"Why! Oh why! Is this damn sky water thing making my mascara run!" screams the diva voice of the young OC starlet.

The traffic in front of me swerves frantically as Hummer, Mercedes and Porsche drivers attempt to avoid each raindrop. Their expensive hand waxing might get ruined!

But to work I made it safe. Shame...

<yoyology> Okay, who is the woman in the second photo? She's dropped off of the Yahoo! list.
<Mort> Courtney Thorne Smith
<Lauren> I didn't recognize her either. She was already off the list this morning at 4. I had to go searching through entertainment news to find out who she was.
<yoyology> No way. Her hair's too long.
<Mort> Jennifer Love Hewitt
<yoyology> Come on, give me a link.
<Mort> Kurt Cobain
<yoyology> AHA! I get it. It's actually Jennifer Hewitt Thorne-Smythe!
<Lauren> ...s5.news.dcn.yahoo.com...
<guyPaulo> That's funny. I thought it was one of those hair-metal jukie rock singers from the 80's. Like Sebastian Bach of Skid Row or something....
<bolsach> Justto join in today's geography class. This morning awoke in downtown Valley,Anglesey at 05.30 with a headache and a disturbed wife!Weather clear but spent 20 mins scrapping ice from the car. Breakfast was the usual mix of Kellogs and museli - works wonders! Travelled all of 3 miles to work - almost awake when arrived. Helped to make some more shiny metal without killing anyone. Back home for tea - welsh lamb chops and tatws newydd. About to watch another re-run of MASH. Treat later - watching England get stuffed by the Portugese. Night all.
<Mort> I guess I will need to try and listen to England getting stuffed.
<bolsach> Wales play Scotland in 20 mins - Giggs, Savage, Speed etc.
<apple juice is a verb> I have no idea what tatws newydd is, but i know it's welsh thanks to all the song titles on those gorky's zygotic mynci records.
<3Suns> Welsh is an odd language. It contributed the only English words I know of that don't contain any standard English vowels: "cwm" and "crwth"
<yoyology> I have been in love with the idea of Wales since reading Susan Cooper's The Grey King in 6th grade. If I had to choose one foreign country to visit, it would be Wales.
<mypalmike> Greetings from just outside San Francisco. I woke up late and devoured some oatmeal and egg beaters, part of my bulk-up diet, while my new roommate filled me in on the details of the politics at her office. It was the first time I had heard, or perhaps understood, the phrase "crab mentality", which refers to the way that crabs in a bucket will try to pull down any crab that tries to climb out. I think I will try to be more like a crab from now on.
<mypalmike> If I had to choose one group of large mammals to visit, it would be whales.
<yoyology> If I had to choose one method of vocal expression to use for the rest of my life, it would be wails.
<ajiav> is a wail like a 'hallowed scream'? girl was listening to slayer one day and they were talking about hallowed screams. i'm trying to find the right situation in which to emit one.
<ajiav> Oh, and if I had to choose a method of storing hay, it would be in bails.
<3Suns> The Dark Is Rising books were awesome. She paints a good picture of Cornwall too, in Over Sea Under Stone.

If I had to choose a part of a ship to cling to in a storm, it would be the wales.

<guyPaulo> Why, oh why, couldn't there have been some photos to go with this story:
<mountaineer> Greetings from the Xilamuren Grassland in Inner Mongolia where it is -20 with white out conditions pushing at my Yurt door. Not a Starbucks for at least 5 blocks of Sanhe Horse ranges!
<3Suns> I helped my uncle build a yurt when I was like 3 years old. I think I remember enjoying it.
<Handler> Greetings Mountaineer. I just read your last report, somewhat discouraged. I will give you new orders, please watch out for messenger birds.
<mypalmike> This is perhaps the coolest screensaver ever.
<Carol> guyPaulo, FYI Sebastian Bach has been having a recurring guest role on Gilmore Girls (WB series).
<Mort> How did I guess you were a "Girlmore Girls"'s Girl Carol?
<Carol> G.G. is actually kind of annoying this year but I haven't given up on it yet. If it gets really bad I can always just enjoy the snark on Television Without Pity.
<Mort> I used to love reading Television Without Pity, but now in my old age, that much text just gives me hives.
<David Byrden> OK. At 3:30am EST tomorrow you can see me on this webcam. I'll be bottom center, leaning over the bridge with a yellow bag.


I will not flash you.

<Mort> I will look at 12:30am PST.
I wonder if we could all manage to get on some tiny, blurred trafic webcam.
<mypalmike> 3:30AM... What a convenient time. I'll set my alarm and make hot cocoa.
<MLimburg> Okay, had to add one last one. Ahh, Triumph the Insult Dog ...
<Mort> Mike... 3:30am EST...
<spam> the triumph made me laugh hecka hard, and I am the importantest person ever, so good job.
<spam> man, i am the mr. nonamest also. :\\
<ElvisThePelvis> I hate that I missed today...you folks had all the fun.
<Roger Mexico> Good Evening, from The Zone. Today I spoke with several abysmally wacked-out Viet Nam veterans, came home and played with those wonderful pix, then went to a curiously interesting discussion about Boswell & Johnson. Meanwhile Dean cut bait & quit after having shown what Democrats are supposed to be like, and Kerry better learn his fucking LESSONS!! Sorry, just perpetually pissed off at Republicans. Thank you for your nice votes - gives me a genuine kick. Love,

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