[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 05/30/2006 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Some say babies...

...taste like chicken.

Soylent Green, now made with 15% more babies!


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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Board [Post Message]

Blatant combined rip off of Eddie Izzard and The Simpsons.

There are 38 messages for this day.
<Allen> Hey, Mort. Good job. There's a MEP in the news at: ...news.bbc.co.uk...
<Lauren> I prefer Soylent Yellow, myself.
<Mort> Most Emailed Photos of Members of European Parliment... I know that Glenys Kinnock, she's the sister of the woman who leaves across the street from my parents.
<JP> [reading above posts] heh.. lauren prefers soiling herself... [stifled giggle]..
<Lauren> LOLOL@JP...yes, children, this is why a good understanding of punctuation is paramount to reading comprehension.
<kieren> hi fuckers
<JP> Hi, fuckee!

Bend over. Now think of a nice place, and concentrate on that nice place.

<Kitten> I have a stupid question. I want to know what the original caption was for that moss-covered statue of the woman from May 30th. I cannot find it in yahoo -probably not searching correctly. Can anyone tell me? Thanks!
<Carol> I never have any luck finding old pictures via Yahoo, either. Found it by searching on "sleeping sculpture" in Google News:
<Carol> Also found this, in an earlier, unsuccessful search:
<Carol> Here is the original on Yahoo in case you specifically wanted that - I still had a hard time finding it there:
<reddman> lotsa GREAT soccer boobage pics on y! mort..in case ya wanna change the pics anytime this century...
<mypalmike> Hey, it's not exactly mostemailed, but I made a caption contest site at www.mypalmike.com if anyone's interested. Updated daily.
<Allen> For as often as the pictures are updated here, I'm wondering if the name Mort is short for Mortician.

Sorry, Mort. I just couldn't help it.

<THE CRACKER PACKER> Look here you cracker bastard. Don't be mad because your bitches need more cock than you eraser dick muthafuckers can provide. Why do you think they are so willing to swallow our sweet man juice..and you fools kiss them? idiots!
<THE CRACKER PACKER> I'd like to find a kkk bitch, sit on her face and fart in her mouth until her cheeks blow up. With a little luck she taste a little shit steam with it. any takers
<Allen> Dear TCP, I guess with school out for the summer, you've got a lot of extra time and energy on your hands. Tell you what. Why don't you go back to masturbating until you are so sore you can't even cross the street to your crack dealer any more.
<JP> Allen, you're so out of touch. Crack is so eighties. Meth is what all the kiddies are into now. Get with the program, Allen, or end up with a "little shit steam".

JP, head cracka,
Future Meth Farmers of America

<Allen> JP,

I'm actually being paid by the day for the campaign to make cocaine the king again. The slogan they gave me to promote it is great too, "Crack is back!" I like it.

Smokin' crack,

<JP> Allen, I suggest you look at the latest figures out from "Illegal Drug Marketer" this month. Our sales are way up, and we're making inroads into communities we never thought possible to open up (due to tha lack of pig farms to disguise the stench of our labs).

Our latest ad slogan, "Meth Workth Betht!", appeals to those of our hardcore users whom have all lost their teeth, and to those jaded souls in the younger demographic to whom ironic humor appeals.

Try Meth. Betcha can't have just one!


<JP> That's fine with me, as we are not going for volume, but rather the high end market, which is exemplified in our slogan, "Take the high road with crack."

We want to distance ourselves from the previous horrible marketing we had before. Crack-baby, crack-whore, and all those other low end terms will be relics of days gone by when we rule the new ruling class crack market. "It's not your father's crack" was the slogan we used to position our product to the younger W in the house of white. It is true though that we're not sure this slogan really worked, since obviously he can't read. But maybe someone read the slogan to him. There's no stoping progress, and you just can't be sure.

Well, I've gotta get the crack out of here.

We already have a slogan for high end nudist colonies also, "Crack - it's everywhere."

Crack of dawn,

<JP> Ad campaign idea for ya, and my advice is free, Allen. Two words, Allen:

Whitney Houston.

Now let's go to a bar and drink some homless-man-blood. I'll buy.

(Y'know, once we got Mickey Rourke on our team, it got a lot easier.)

<mypalmike> OK, I think either JP was pretending to be Allen, or maybe JP is Allen!
<Allen> I actually was reading this back and realized that I made a typo and typed JP, since I was directing my comments at him. No editing comments once you click the monkey as you know.
<JP> "Clicking the Monkey" - [giggle]
<reddman> Two words:Organic Marijuana. We stand to sweep the ENTIRE counterculture demographic. AND increase our market share in the environmentally concious youth slice. NO downside here..homies!
<JP> It's a good idea, redd, but I think Uncle Sam is gonna want their slice when they find you've been growing it on their land wherever you are... and the export fees.. whooh! It'll bleed you dry between the payoffs and the middlemen... I think you should wait till you get back to the states before you launch "Operation Natural Munchies"
<reddman> We grow Opium here too...you can't interdict the ENTIRE crop....
But I don't gow the organic MJ HERE...not enough rain..or water to irrigate.
<JP> Well, I thank and salute you on behalf of junkies all over the world. God Bless the War on Terror/Drugs.
<reddman> I'll let you know what the reaction is when I go to Amsterdam next month...to *ahem* check on the supply...*nudge nudge wink wink*
<saiffy> we need unity against terrerism.
<saiffy> we need unity against terrerism.
<JP> We need territory against urinism
<reddman> You mean terriers against nudity...
<3Suns> We need impunity against tourism!
<JP> Impeach Nixon!!
<mypalmike> Bad spellars yoonite!
<Axolotl> Earth to Mort! Earth to Mort! MEP is in great peril! Trolls, Spammers and terrerism!

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