[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 03/25/2004 by Mort
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Master Dinkie, bastard son of Miss Twinkles, detested the creepy movements of flightless birds.

He sent forth Baroness "Hate Skate" Cohen to do his dirty work.

The penguins didn't have a chance.


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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Board [Post Message]

Absolute truths, circa 1997

The number of people that die of potato related deaths in Russia per year is higher than the population of Denmark.

The average internet user has 68% less chance of being in a relationship than other people who do not use the internet.

Most people believe that Tuesday is the longest day of the week and Wednesday is the most common day for concieving children.

The spatula was origianlly created as a highly useful torture device in medieval Belgium.

The Oroca Indians of South America are currently the most accomplished human taxidermist.

The common domestic ferret was the first cavity searching device developed by the spanish inquisition.

The average full grown everglades Alligator can consume up to 7 humans in one meal.

Gorillas have enormous nostrils because of large fingers.

The average watch is 18 minutes slow.

The number of people run over by buses in Britain last year is equal to the number of people killed by telephones in Mexico.

Shakespeare was a mutton cook while writing his most famous plays.

Buckingham palace was built on the site of a hamster breeding farm.

The average man breathes 108 times during sex, the average woman breathes 68 times.

The average internet user spends 42% of the time waiting while online.

somewhere.com is the most asked for internet domain.

Norwegian Females are on average 6 inches taller than the average male.

The deep blue Puffer fish can suck harder than the average vacuume cleaner.

The average time to eating is 2 hours and 15 minutes, ie too long.

The last time a human was killed by a penguin was in 1978, his name was Norman "skip" Kriugs.

94% of female Austrians have never seen a men's urinal.

The Pope is required by medieval church canon law to shave his body hair once a year.

It is has been scientifically proved that hair loss is linked to snoring.

There are 18 messages for this day.
<jordie3> No way.
<Popeshaver> I am sorry but the penultimate rumor is true. So sadly true...*sobs*
<Lauren> Tuesday IS the longest day of the week and 42% hourglassing seems about right to me for internet use (but I still use a dial-up connection). Last night I had the opportunity to monitor my own breathing and that of my partner and can tell you that #13 has to be wrong. Although I lost count somewhere around 2,000, I was definitely ahead at that point. The rest seem pretty unrealistic, and I wouldn't have believed them if Popeshaver hadn't confirmed the next to last.
<guyPaulo> Here's an interesting tidbit. The average respitory rate for adults is 12-18 breaths per minute. If you assume twice that rate for sex (24-36, average is 30), then 108/30= 3 minutes 36 seconds is the average time for the average man to have sex.
<Hysterical Woman> 86% percent of people blindly believe in any stats, no matter what the source.
<Jellyloo> 'Stinkopated' is not a word but I think it should be. 96% of doctors agree.
<Mort> What would it mean Jellyloo dear?
<Kumiho> Funny I was sure this photo would make it on today's three pictures.
I mean, after bottles of 40oz being passed around, it seemed natural.
Or are you forbiding any more monkey pix, Mort?
<Jellyloo> Stinkopated: To suffer a short loss of consciousness due to bad smells?
<guyPaulo> Hopefully, that monkie pic will be saved for the next "Meta Day."
<Mort> I actually can't smell right now, damn allergies.

I didn't even see the monkie pic when I chose the images last night. I hope it does stay for meta day.

<mypalmike> You can smell, and you do.
<Starbug> Over one's lifetime, the average person will eat eight spiders while sleeping.
<guyPaulo> It's saterday night and I'm lit! WHOOOOHH!!!
<Carol> It's Sunday morning, how ya doing now? Did you enjoy the spiders?
Also: mypalmike is giving me bratty-brother flashbacks.
<Mort> I was rudely woken up by the sheriffs' department charity fund asking for donations. My religious beliefs forbid me to give money to anyone who wakes me up while other people are in church.
I mean if you can't enjoy sleeping in on Sunday while others are sitting uncomfortably getting sermon'D to, then where's the fun in being atheist?
<obtuse> Er. I was going to scold guy for doing the web-equivalent of drunk-dialing, but I'm probably in much the same state right now. Hence the double post. Peace out, granola dome.

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