[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 03/28/2004 by Mort
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Hush, little baby, don't make a sound

Mama's gonna buy you a little hound

If that little hound don't bark

Mama's gonna feed it to a hungry shark

Then Mama's going to chop up that good for nothing f*$%ing son of a b*&ch who knocked Mama up and ran away.


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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Ok, time for a concise version for the weirdest, most epic dream I ever had.
From Saturday morning:

Aliens came and killed half the people on Earth, the other half they made into more aliens. I escaped and joined up with a band of resistance fighters. Sydney Bristow from Alias was also a member of the band, we decided to team up together.

The base for the resistance was the village where I grew up, and the head quarters of the aliens was the town four miles away. Sydney and I were put on a mission to get to the alien HQ and blow it up. To get there we had to take the train from my village to the town. We went to the train station, and this is where everything turned world war two, the aliens all became germans officers or people. We disguised ourselves as bravarian, Sydney wore a Bravarian dress (kinda like a swiss milk maid) with incredibly cute pigtails, I wore laderhosen.

We also took with us our 50 pet chicks and ducks and geese, they were also dressed in Bravarian dresses, and were holding each other by the wings and waltzing up and down the train platform.

We got on the train with our animals and sat down together, the train started and the conductor came to get our tickets. We didn't have any alien money so we made excuses and quickly jumped off the train at the next stop.

We were still 2 miles from the town, Sydney didn't want to walk down the tracks in case we were seen, I pointed out a door in the track wall and the forrest beyond. Sydney and I changed into our spy gear, she wore a catsuit, I dressed like James Bond, both of us put on elven cloaks, we went through the door.

We were walking around the edge of a field when in front of us we saw a hobbit, it was Frodo, on his quest to destroy the ring. Following Frodo secretly was Bilbo, so we secretly followed him. Frodo turned around and spotted Bilbo then started to talk to him, we dove to the ground so they wouldn't see us under our elven cloaks. Frodo spotted us but ignored us, Sydney whispered "Different story-line!" into my ear.

Then medieval horse men came over the hill, they must have been after Frodo. Bilbo and Frodo ran off into the forrest, we stayed on the ground under the cloaks hiding (and cuddling but don't tell Morticia that, come on Sydney is Hot!)One of the horse men saw us and came at me with an arrow. I grabbed the arrow and was about to run off when they threatened to kill Sydney. I told them I was a doctor and she was my nurse and that I had the King's arrow, I held up the arrow for them to see.

We were taken to a castle and into the King's chambers, he was sick. Using our knowledge from the future we healed him, but were still not allowed to leave the castle. In the courtyard we met up with two other members of the resistance, they were Lee Majors and the helicopter guy from Magnum PI. Lee Majors was holding a lyre and the helicopter guy was holding an olde-world double bass.

We did what any cheesy time travel based tv show/film would do in this predicament: we played rock music for the medieval people!

They loved it! They let us go and I woke up.

And that's the short version of the dream.

There are 19 messages for this day.
<David Byrden> Mort: there are some dreams that reveal dark secrets about your subconscious personality. And there are some dreams that are just crazy shit for the sake of it.

But this, I believe, is one of the rare dreams that accurately and precisely depicts the future.

<guyPaulo> I had a crappy weekend. the damn government took away my goats...
<Mort> I welcome this future, just because it involves cuddling with Sydney Bristow and listening to the raw lyre rock skills of Lee Majors.
<Lauren> Mort, I have seen the future and can tell you only that Lee Majors is not part of it. Sorry.
<Jellyloo> I have seen an alternate future where everyone is Lee Majors.
<obtuse> I had a dream last week about an alternate dimension where everyone was a motorcycle. We were made out of 3 or 4 components that you could swap out to improve performance. It was kind of like a video game cause we were racing around a big track in the middle of a desert that looked strangely like my elementary school playground.
<Mort> "Being John Malkovich" might actually have been more amusing if it had been "Being Lee Majors".

Obtuse, your dream is reminding me of Automan.

<yoyology> guy, according to that article, you were also probed by the state of Vermont. I imagine that wasn't fun either.
<yoyology> Mort, I'd like to request the Hindu guy buried up to his neck for tomorrow. I've got ideas a-poppin'!
<guyPaulo> Thank you for your concern yoyo. The other monkie's seemed to just ignore my plight...
<Mort> He looks too far down the list to pick for a normal day. I will add him on guest day though.
<Kumiho> Oh dear, guyP. Did it hurt much? And how did you stand the stench?
<Kumiho> Or is that a stupid question to ask the coiner of the term "ED"?
<Kumiho> Is it me, or is the photo really about her assets? (Don't mind me, I just got back from my accounting class.)
<Kumiho> Oh, yeah, the photo....story.news.yahoo.com...
<guyPaulo> T&A is always a driving factor for the yahoo photos.
<mypalmike> Or just T.
<obtuse> Not especially young, supple T either.
<jeffR> Mort that is awesome

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