[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 02/09/2004 by Mort
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I, Ms. Twinkles have finally brought an end to the terrorism of the evil canine regime.

With shock and awe I defeated them, their leaders' bodies hung up in public for all to see.

I have found their weapons of mass destruction. Acres upon acres of monkey pox catnip, irresistible and yet so deadly.

Now, I, Ms. Twinkles vow that I will destroy all other forms of terrorism.


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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Board [Post Message]

Even now I have such bittersweet memories of our love. That day we spent on the beach of PepsiCola™ -- the sea -- the sand -- the copulating sand flies we discovered in your navel. Oh! I wish so dearly, dear, that we had followed their example.

We dug deep diagonal holes into the sand towards each other. Down and down we delved, our fingertips raw, our whole bodies aching from exertion. I found a beer bottle in my hole, you one upped me by roughly pulling out Robert Downey Junior all naked and crab encrusted.

My fingers roamed deeper, like an obstinate otter, pushing aside everything in an attempt to enter your hole. Your back was arched in effort as you stretched yourself -- like Debbie doing Dallas -- to reach around to find my own dark passage.

I heard you gasp as finally the barriers between us came crumbling down. We shared such a secret touch, such a sensual touch, as our fingertips met deep down below.

Then just as suddenly my world became awash with flotsam and jetsam as a wave the size of my cable bill came crashing down upon us.

Our fingers became disconnected, my arm became disjointed, as the tide was ripped back to the sea.

I stood up spluttering, spitting warm salty liquid out of my mouth. You were nowhere to be seen. I heard a cry that was oddly reminiscent of an albatross gargling Absolute Citron, but still you were nowhere to be seen.

Where have you gone my sweetest friend?

There are 28 messages for this day.
<guyPaulo> Mort's rants are almost as good as the captions.
<yoyology> I'm impressed at the un-looked-for return of Ms. Twinkles.
<JulieK> Eww today's photos are gross. And the mortrant is pretty good. And special.
<Jmofwiw> You might like tomorrow better: The up-and-comers appear to be the Sport Illustrated model, the tripping model, and the tiny little dogs.
<Jmofwiw> ...story.news.yahoo.com...

This one is low on the list-- but it's deeply strange.

<Pedro Gonzales> Those chiwawas would make for a good caption! Especially if the one next to it was the dog meat caption of today!
<Ren> Mexican asthma-hound chihuahua!
<ElvisThePelvis> Well, I am back from Australia and New Zealand. Can I just say, I am jealous of any person who live in New Zealand. NZ is just about the most beautiful place on earth that I have seen. I put pictures on www.robotthoughts.com, but they are mainly shots of animals I found in Australia and Mountains in New Zealand.
<Mort> I am celebrating the up coming V-Day with a series of (maybe amusing) love tragedies.

Why don't you all vote on what images you want up for guest day. List your top three images from the full list, in the order of preference.

<Mort> Welcome back Elvis! I have also heard wonderful things about New Zealand, any place with that many sheep, is a place where I should visit.
<Jmofwiw> I don't know what I'd write about them... but I like

The little dogs: ...story.news.yahoo.com...

The Diaper Dude: ...story.news.yahoo.com...

The Shrink-wrapped Mimes: ...story.news.yahoo.com...

<Jmofwiw> Those pics are great. The mountains-- the landscape-- in New Zealand are just amazing.
<guyPaulo> The pic of the fallen model is good......
<Lauren> Fallen Model, Chihuahuas and sunset
<David Byrden> You know the Coldplay song that won the Grammy last night? You know that piano riff that runs all the way through it?
There's a near identical riff in this '70s song from the Motors. I smell plagiarism.
<ElvisThePelvis> Thanks!

And the diaper dude has to be there on Wednesday. I have like 50 captions in my head for diaper dude. Please do the diaper dude...

<mypalmike> You've got lots of pics of New Zealand, but everyone's looking at the one of the shrubs that happen to be blocked by you and a lady friend.
<ElvisThePelvis> Yeah, why that one I don't know.
<mypalmike> Mort's caption kicks ass today, by the way.
<Mort> Wow you are early on buttering me up for guest day Mike.
<guyPaulo> AHAHAHAHA!!! I'm sorry. I just read Mort caption and its the funniest thing mankind has ever created. Which makes sense because Mort is the sexiest Image Gorilla ever. Which is neat because MEP is the best..... awwww screw it. I can't kiss any more ass today.
<Mort> I think Rhys Ifans is the sexiest Image Gorilla ever.
<george> you guys fuken suck dick!!!!
<george> guyPaulo have you concidered going to hell?
<naomi lees > 
<julie> what the hell is this you guys are frigen sick in the head with these frigan dogs and what the hell are you doing to it are you hanging it because if you are you should see a theropist you sick fuck!
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