[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker06:44:49Scrawled on the board
Mr. NonameLurker19:25:25Scrawled on the board
apple juice is a verbCaption Monkie18:02:57Alternatiphized #23
Mr. NonameLurker23:59:00drooled over #3
Mr. NonameLurker23:55:29drooled over #32


Current Users

There have been 161 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:43Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:39Caption #356
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:35Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:31Caption #920
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:27Caption #934
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:23Caption #542
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:19Caption #556
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:17Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:16Caption #97
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:15Caption #339
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:09Caption #426
Mr. NonameLurker05:59:03Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:57Caption #639
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:53Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:48Caption #646
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:45Caption #101
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:44Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:41Caption #92
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:35Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:29Caption #369
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:27Caption #309
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:24Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:21Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:14Caption #735
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:10Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:05Caption #667
Mr. NonameLurker05:58:03Caption #126
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:56Caption #84
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:51Caption #485
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:43Caption #130
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:39Caption #712
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:37Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:34Caption #251
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:33Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:24Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:20Caption #721
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:16Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:11Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:09Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:03Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:02Caption #355
Mr. NonameLurker05:57:00Caption #525
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:56Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:55Caption #162
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:53Caption #925
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:51Caption #389
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:49Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:47Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:43Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:38Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:34Caption #181
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:30Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:27Caption #113
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:21Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:14Caption #806
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:07Caption #306
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:06Caption #784
Mr. NonameLurker05:56:01Caption #641
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:57Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:55Caption #805
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:53Caption #256
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:47Caption #950
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:45Caption #381
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:44Caption #17
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:42Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:41Caption #31
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:39Caption #389
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:35Caption #28
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:28Caption #732
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:25Caption #82
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:22Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:21Caption #779
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:20Caption #909
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:16Caption #805
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:08Caption #531
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:03Caption #712
Mr. NonameLurker05:55:00Caption #354
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:56Caption #775
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:52Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:48Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:43Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:42Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:41Caption #939
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:35Caption #55
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:33Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:31Caption #552
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:25Caption #556
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:21Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:19Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:17Caption #535
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:14Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:13Caption #225
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:07Caption #901
Mr. NonameLurker05:54:04Caption #784
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:59Caption #325
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:55Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:52Caption #238
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:50Caption #553
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:42Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:41Caption #764
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:39Caption #134
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:36Caption #631
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:33Caption #94
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:28Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:27Caption #41
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:26Caption #178
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:21Caption #722
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:15Caption #488
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:09Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker05:53:01Caption #836
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:59Caption #497
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:54Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:50Caption #671
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:45Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:42Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:39Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:37Caption #177
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:33Caption #807
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:28Caption #430
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:27Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:23Caption #772
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:21Caption #934
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:17Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:11Caption #490
Mr. NonameLurker05:52:06Caption #449
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:59Caption #943
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:56Caption #278
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:54Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:50Caption #248
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:47Caption #227
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:42Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:39Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:35Caption #456
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:33Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:32Caption #372
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:29Caption #726
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:24Caption #263
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:20Caption #353
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:16Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:13Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker05:51:06Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:59Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:55Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:53Caption #865
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:46Caption #94
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:45Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:37Caption #552
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:36Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:34Caption #496
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:29Caption #788
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:23Caption #261
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:19Caption #940
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:15Caption #757
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:10Caption #813
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:04Caption #183
Mr. NonameLurker05:50:03Caption #740
Mr. NonameLurker05:49:56Caption #68
Mr. NonameLurker05:49:51Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker05:49:50Caption #692
Mr. NonameLurker05:49:47Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker05:49:43Caption #99

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.


There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post