[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)
Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker19:25:25Scrawled on the board
apple juice is a verbCaption Monkie18:02:57Alternatiphized #23
Mr. NonameLurker23:59:00drooled over #3
Mr. NonameLurker23:55:29drooled over #32
Mr. NonameLurker23:47:09drooled over #7


Current Users

There have been 177 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:42Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:40Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:38Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:37Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:34Caption #333
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:31Caption #318
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:30Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:22Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:20Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:15Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:12Caption #793
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:07Caption #394
Mr. NonameLurker22:49:06Caption #792
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:59Caption #791
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:57Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:52Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:51Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:49Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:46Caption #610
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:44Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:43Caption #112
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:42Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:38Caption #68
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:36Caption #540
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:31Caption #453
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:30Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:29Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:26Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:24Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:20Caption #538
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:19Caption #747
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:17Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:15Caption #281
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:14Caption #448
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:11Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:06Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:05Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker22:48:00Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:59Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:58Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:53Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:52Caption #446
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:46Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:43Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:40Caption #91
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:39Caption #916
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:36Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:34Caption #90
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:32Caption #896
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:28Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:27Caption #89
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:25Caption #809
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:22Caption #739
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:17Caption #756
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:14Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:11Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:09Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:08Caption #734
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:07Caption #737
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:04Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker22:47:01Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:59Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:57Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:52Caption #701
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:50Caption #854
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:45Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:44Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:41Caption #637
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:36Caption #956
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:34Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:33Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:29Caption #635
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:28Caption #955
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:25Caption #556
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:23Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:16Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:15Caption #236
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:10Caption #581
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:08Caption #214
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:04Caption #580
Mr. NonameLurker22:46:01Caption #174
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:57Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:54Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:49Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:48Caption #538
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:42Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:39Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:38Caption #804
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:35Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:34Caption #261
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:27Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:26Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:24Caption #192
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:22Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:20Caption #127
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:10Caption #125
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:08Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:06Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker22:45:00Caption #123
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:54Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:52Caption #317
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:44Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:39Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:34Caption #880
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:33Caption #946
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:28Caption #879
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:22Caption #878
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:16Caption #877
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:13Caption #164
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:11Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:07Caption #876
Mr. NonameLurker22:44:00Caption #717
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:59Caption #666
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:51Caption #665
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:47Caption #664
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:41Caption #595
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:34Caption #462
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:32Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:29Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:27Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:23Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:21Caption #460
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:16Caption #123
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:12Caption #122
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:09Caption #288
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:02Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:01Caption #121
Mr. NonameLurker22:43:00Caption #522
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:53Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:45Caption #392
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:43Caption #885
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:35Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:32Caption #446
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:27Caption #320
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:22Caption #319
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:15Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:10Caption #157
Mr. NonameLurker22:42:01Caption #156
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:56Caption #757
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:55Caption #292
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:54Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:47Caption #756
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:41Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:37Caption #755
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:24Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:17Caption #66
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:12Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:06Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:04Caption #865
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:03Caption #452
Mr. NonameLurker22:41:02Caption #703
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:58Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:50Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:49Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:47Caption #533
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:43Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:40Caption #835
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:37Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:36Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:34Caption #161
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:33Caption #279
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:26Caption #873
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:25Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:24Caption #168
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:23Caption #891
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:22Caption #58
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:21Caption #605
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:20Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:14Caption #147
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:12Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:09Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:05Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:04Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker22:40:02Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker22:39:56Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker22:39:51Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker22:39:44Caption #701

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.

There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post