[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 151 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker10:17:00Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:59Caption #212
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:58Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:57Caption #893
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:56Caption #234
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:55Caption #653
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:54Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:53Caption #584
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:52Caption #767
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:51Caption #736
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:50Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:49Caption #226
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:48Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:47Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:46Caption #274
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:45Caption #653
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:44Caption #109
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:43Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:42Caption #226
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:41Caption #423
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:40Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:39Caption #650
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:38Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:37Caption #52
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:36Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:35Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:34Caption #321
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:33Caption #404
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:32Caption #517
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:31Caption #583
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:30Caption #427
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:29Caption #565
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:28Caption #204
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:27Caption #321
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:26Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:25Caption #397
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:24Caption #492
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:23Caption #145
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:22Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:21Caption #348
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:20Caption #157
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:19Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:18Caption #538
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:17Caption #744
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:16Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:15Caption #55
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:14Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:13Caption #806
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:12Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:11Caption #272
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:10Caption #781
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:09Caption #472
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:08Caption #497
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:07Caption #238
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:06Caption #349
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:05Caption #162
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:04Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:03Caption #894
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:02Caption #497
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:01Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker10:16:00Caption #32
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:59Caption #441
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:58Caption #35
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:57Caption #349
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:56Caption #414
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:55Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:54Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:53Caption #456
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:52Caption #701
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:51Caption #173
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:50Caption #531
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:49Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:48Caption #95
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:47Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:46Caption #701
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:45Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:44Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:43Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:42Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:41Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:40Caption #60
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:39Caption #648
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:38Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:37Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:36Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:35Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:34Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:33Caption #524
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:32Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:31Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:30Caption #70
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:29Caption #541
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:28Caption #664
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:27Caption #109
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:26Caption #528
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:25Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:24Caption #57
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:23Caption #585
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:22Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:21Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:20Caption #835
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:19Caption #72
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:18Caption #829
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:17Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:16Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:15Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:14Caption #910
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:13Caption #72
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:12Caption #587
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:11Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:10Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:09Caption #377
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:08Caption #417
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:07Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:06Caption #383
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:05Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:04Caption #184
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:03Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:02Caption #793
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:01Caption #592
Mr. NonameLurker10:15:00Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:59Caption #778
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:58Caption #145
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:57Caption #136
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:56Caption #591
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:55Caption #385
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:54Caption #659
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:53Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:52Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:51Caption #675
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:50Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:49Caption #52
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:48Caption #780
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:47Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:46Caption #601
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:45Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:44Caption #42
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:43Caption #32
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:42Caption #660
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:41Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:40Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:39Caption #438
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:38Caption #42
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:37Caption #84
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:36Caption #76
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:35Caption #603
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:34Caption #235
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:33Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:32Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:31Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker10:14:30Caption #143

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post