[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 188 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:24Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:23Caption #484
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:22Caption #803
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:19Caption #590
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:18Caption #139
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:17Caption #97
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:15Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:14Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:13Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:12Caption #285
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:11Caption #190
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:10Caption #717
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:08Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:07Caption #438
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:06Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:05Caption #144
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:03Caption #288
Mr. NonameLurker01:05:02Caption #204
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:59Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:57Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:56Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:55Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:52Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:51Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:50Caption #48
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:49Caption #615
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:48Caption #236
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:47Caption #261
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:43Caption #171
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:42Caption #-19
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:40Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:39Caption #828
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:37Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:34Caption #743
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:33Caption #932
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:32Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:31Caption #771
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:30Caption #897
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:29Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:27Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:26Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:25Caption #237
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:23Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:22Caption #426
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:21Caption #89
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:18Caption #352
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:17Caption #54
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:16Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:15Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:14Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:13Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:12Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:11Caption #298
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:09Caption #99
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:08Caption #869
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:06Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:03Caption #667
Mr. NonameLurker01:04:02Caption #549
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:59Caption #254
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:57Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:56Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:55Caption #317
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:54Caption #211
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:53Caption #345
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:52Caption #213
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:51Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:45Caption #534
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:42Caption #373
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:39Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:38Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:37Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:35Caption #637
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:33Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:32Caption #666
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:31Caption #207
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:29Caption #354
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:28Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:27Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:26Caption #495
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:24Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:23Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:22Caption #756
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:21Caption #828
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:20Caption #889
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:19Caption #527
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:18Caption #566
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:16Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:15Caption #302
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:12Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:11Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:09Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:07Caption #154
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:06Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:05Caption #334
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:04Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:03Caption #867
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:02Caption #379
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:01Caption #675
Mr. NonameLurker01:03:00Caption #226
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:59Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:58Caption #494
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:57Caption #778
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:56Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:55Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:54Caption #928
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:53Caption #455
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:52Caption #598
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:51Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:50Caption #416
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:49Caption #49
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:48Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:47Caption #335
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:46Caption #572
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:45Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:44Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:43Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:42Caption #522
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:41Caption #701
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:39Caption #126
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:38Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:36Caption #647
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:35Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:31Caption #121
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:31Caption #726
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:27Caption #17
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:26Caption #370
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:25Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:24Caption #545
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:23Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:22Caption #792
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:21Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:20Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:19Caption #678
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:17Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:15Caption #597
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:14Caption #507
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:13Caption #200
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:11Caption #749
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:10Caption #754
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:07Caption #467
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:06Caption #352
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:05Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:04Caption #597
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:03Caption #815
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:01Caption #797
Mr. NonameLurker01:02:00Caption #847
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:59Caption #468
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:56Caption #895
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:55Caption #-26
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:53Caption #91
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:52Caption #234
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:51Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:49Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:48Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:45Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:43Caption #-26
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:42Caption #78
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:41Caption #210
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:40Caption #187
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:39Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:38Caption #946
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:37Caption #58
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:36Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:35Caption #275
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:32Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:31Caption #-78
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:29Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:28Caption #365
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:27Caption #290
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:26Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:24Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:23Caption #28
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:19Caption #764
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:18Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:17Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:15Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:13Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:12Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:11Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:10Caption #458
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:09Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:08Caption #942
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:07Caption #612
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:06Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:05Caption #854
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:04Caption #635
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:03Caption #776
Mr. NonameLurker01:01:02Caption #513

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post