[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 194 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:34Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:33Caption #219
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:32Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:31Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:30Caption #781
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:29Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:28Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:27Caption #724
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:26Caption #345
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:25Caption #841
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:24Caption #888
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:23Caption #975
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:22Caption #452
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:21Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:20Caption #807
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:19Caption #678
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:18Caption #289
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:17Caption #976
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:16Caption #453
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:15Caption #681
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:14Caption #783
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:13Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:12Caption #730
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:11Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:10Caption #144
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:09Caption #348
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:08Caption #844
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:07Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:06Caption #400
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:05Caption #472
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:04Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:03Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:02Caption #513
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:01Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker19:30:00Caption #400
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:59Caption #592
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:58Caption #547
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:57Caption #647
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:56Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:55Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:54Caption #734
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:53Caption #979
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:52Caption #485
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:51Caption #812
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:50Caption #683
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:49Caption #876
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:48Caption #554
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:47Caption #980
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:46Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:45Caption #637
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:44Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:43Caption #847
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:42Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:42Caption #684
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:40Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:39Caption #814
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:38Caption #663
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:37Caption #808
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:36Caption #477
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:35Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:34Caption #360
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:33Caption #354
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:32Caption #909
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:31Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:30Caption #983
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:29Caption #276
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:28Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:27Caption #462
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:26Caption #579
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:25Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:24Caption #52
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:23Caption #528
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:22Caption #573
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:21Caption #358
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:20Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:19Caption #154
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:18Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:17Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:16Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:15Caption #54
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:14Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:13Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:12Caption #792
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:11Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:10Caption #819
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:09Caption #913
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:08Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:07Caption #844
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:06Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:05Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:04Caption #616
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:03Caption #108
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:02Caption #688
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:01Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker19:29:00Caption #559
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:59Caption #821
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:58Caption #915
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:57Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:56Caption #689
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:55Caption #152
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:54Caption #560
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:53Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:52Caption #687
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:51Caption #485
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:50Caption #395
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:49Caption #693
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:48Caption #240
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:47Caption #917
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:46Caption #688
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:45Caption #409
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:44Caption #396
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:43Caption #694
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:42Caption #824
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:41Caption #561
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:40Caption #945
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:39Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:38Caption #695
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:37Caption #290
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:36Caption #825
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:35Caption #223
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:34Caption #946
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:33Caption #278
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:32Caption #192
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:31Caption #290
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:30Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:29Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:28Caption #72
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:27Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:26Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:25Caption #950
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:24Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:23Caption #692
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:22Caption #469
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:21Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:20Caption #951
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:19Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:18Caption #226
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:17Caption #281
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:16Caption #414
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:15Caption #96
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:14Caption #03
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:13Caption #54
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:12Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:11Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:10Caption #963
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:09Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:08Caption #832
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:07Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:06Caption #377
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:05Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:04Caption #403
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:03Caption #831
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:02Caption #370
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:01Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker19:28:00Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:59Caption #785
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:58Caption #891
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:57Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:56Caption #716
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:55Caption #200
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:54Caption #285
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:53Caption #786
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:52Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:51Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:50Caption #506
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:49Caption #628
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:48Caption #433
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:47Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:46Caption #736
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:45Caption #373
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:44Caption #667
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:43Caption #603
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:42Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:41Caption #281
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:40Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:39Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:38Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:37Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:36Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:35Caption #686
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:34Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:33Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:32Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:31Caption #289
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:30Caption #550
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:29Caption #953
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:28Caption #235
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:27Caption #947
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:26Caption #168
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:25Caption #838
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:24Caption #968
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:23Caption #671
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:22Caption #291
Mr. NonameLurker19:27:21Caption #6

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post