[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 149 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:42Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:41Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:40Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:39Caption #766
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:37Caption #245
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:36Caption #259
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:35Caption #733
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:34Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:33Caption #497
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:32Caption #722
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:31Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:30Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:29Caption #590
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:28Caption #139
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:27Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:26Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:25Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:24Caption #325
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:23Caption #523
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:22Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:21Caption #164
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:20Caption #801
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:19Caption #219
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:18Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:17Caption #741
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:16Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:15Caption #435
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:14Caption #807
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:13Caption #59
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:12Caption #541
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:11Caption #826
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:10Caption #579
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:09Caption #241
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:08Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:07Caption #497
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:06Caption #49
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:05Caption #122
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:04Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:03Caption #522
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:02Caption #651
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:01Caption #932
Mr. NonameLurker15:30:00Caption #553
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:59Caption #649
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:58Caption #551
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:57Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:56Caption #509
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:55Caption #489
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:54Caption #349
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:53Caption #175
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:53Caption #648
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:51Caption #417
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:51Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:49Caption #650
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:47Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:46Caption #202
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:45Caption #268
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:44Caption #894
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:43Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:41Caption #831
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:40Caption #801
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:39Caption #120
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:38Caption #623
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:37Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:36Caption #263
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:35Caption #279
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:34Caption #407
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:33Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:32Caption #294
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:31Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:30Caption #193
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:28Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:27Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:26Caption #92
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:25Caption #241
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:24Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:23Caption #770
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:22Caption #839
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:21Caption #244
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:20Caption #155
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:19Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:18Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:17Caption #155
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:16Caption #110
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:15Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:14Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:13Caption #91
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:12Caption #730
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:10Caption #237
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:09Caption #513
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:08Caption #730
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:07Caption #672
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:06Caption #43
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:05Caption #754
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:04Caption #372
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:03Caption #265
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:02Caption #164
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:01Caption #883
Mr. NonameLurker15:29:00Caption #87
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:58Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:57Caption #339
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:56Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:55Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:54Caption #415
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:53Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:52Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:51Caption #495
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:50Caption #692
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:49Caption #153
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:48Caption #294
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:47Caption #442
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:46Caption #923
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:45Caption #135
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:44Caption #419
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:43Caption #573
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:42Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:41Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:40Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:39Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:38Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:37Caption #401
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:36Caption #513
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:35Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:34Caption #893
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:33Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:32Caption #832
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:31Caption #890
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:30Caption #784
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:29Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:28Caption #-13
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:27Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:26Caption #574
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:25Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:24Caption #152
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:23Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:22Caption #932
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:20Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:19Caption #492
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:18Caption #334
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:17Caption #162
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:16Caption #376
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:15Caption #97
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:14Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:13Caption #909
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:12Caption #52
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:11Caption #663
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:10Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:09Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:08Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker15:28:07Caption #

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post