[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 501 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:14Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:13Caption #376
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:12Caption #407
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:11Caption #205
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:10Caption #217
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:09Caption #141
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:08Caption #574
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:06Caption #59
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:05Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:04Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:03Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:02Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:01Caption #830
Mr. NonameLurker07:01:00Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:59Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:58Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:57Caption #189
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:56Caption #55
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:55Caption #91
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:54Caption #417
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:53Caption #360
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:52Caption #-9
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:51Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:50Caption #333
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:47Caption #66
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:46Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:45Caption #787
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:44Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:43Caption #466
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:42Caption #311
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:41Caption #417
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:40Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:39Caption #630
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:38Caption #643
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:37Caption #507
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:36Caption #533
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:35Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:34Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:33Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:32Caption #580
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:31Caption #169
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:30Caption #719
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:29Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:28Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:27Caption #839
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:26Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:25Caption #863
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:24Caption #850
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:23Caption #770
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:22Caption #38
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:21Caption #945
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:19Caption #228
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:18Caption #599
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:17Caption #427
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:16Caption #666
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:15Caption #79
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:14Caption #81
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:12Caption #893
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:11Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:10Caption #221
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:08Caption #871
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:07Caption #788
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:05Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:04Caption #64
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:03Caption #268
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:02Caption #47
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:01Caption #453
Mr. NonameLurker07:00:00Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:59Caption #81
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:58Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:57Caption #329
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:56Caption #141
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:55Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:54Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:53Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:52Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:51Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:50Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:49Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:48Caption #627
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:47Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:46Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:45Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:44Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:43Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:42Caption #538
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:41Caption #84
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:40Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:39Caption #452
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:38Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:37Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:36Caption #89
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:35Caption #598
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:34Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:33Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:32Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:31Caption #123
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:30Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:29Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:28Caption #715
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:27Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:26Caption #798
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:25Caption #879
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:23Caption #181
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:22Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:21Caption #90
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:20Caption #-22
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:19Caption #61
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:18Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:17Caption #245
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:16Caption #742
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:15Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:13Caption #74
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:12Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:11Caption #328
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:10Caption #911
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:09Caption #74
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:08Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:04Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:03Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:02Caption #42
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:01Caption #628
Mr. NonameLurker06:59:00Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:59Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:58Caption #660
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:57Caption #370
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:56Caption #178
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:55Caption #75
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:54Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:53Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:52Caption #385
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:51Caption #459
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:50Caption #483
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:49Caption #904
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:48Caption #205
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:47Caption #541
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:46Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:45Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:44Caption #746
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:43Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:42Caption #855
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:41Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:40Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:39Caption #491
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:38Caption #437
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:37Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:36Caption #438
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:35Caption #543
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:34Caption #902
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:33Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:32Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:31Caption #210
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:30Caption #545
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:29Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:28Caption #740
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:27Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:26Caption #320
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:25Caption #36
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:24Caption #623
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:23Caption #801
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:22Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:21Caption #191
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:20Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:19Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:18Caption #403
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:17Caption #64
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:16Caption #433
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:15Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:14Caption #580
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:13Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:12Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:11Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:10Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:09Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:08Caption #152
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:07Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:06Caption #92
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:05Caption #704
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:03Caption #199
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:02Caption #240
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:01Caption #356
Mr. NonameLurker06:58:00Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:59Caption #56
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:58Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:57Caption #434
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:56Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:55Caption #156
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:52Caption #38
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:49Caption #36
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:48Caption #535
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:46Caption #850
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:45Caption #564
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:44Caption #914
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:43Caption #58
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:42Caption #403
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:41Caption #76
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:40Caption #827
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:38Caption #218
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:36Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:35Caption #270
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:34Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:33Caption #777
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:32Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:31Caption #272
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:30Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:28Caption #288
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:27Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:26Caption #400
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:24Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:23Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:22Caption #641
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:21Caption #316
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:20Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:17Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:16Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:15Caption #233
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:14Caption #316
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:13Caption #906
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:12Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:11Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:10Caption #319
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:09Caption #195
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:08Caption #676
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:07Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:05Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:02Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:01Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker06:57:00Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:59Caption #323
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:58Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:57Caption #678
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:55Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:54Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:53Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:52Caption #821
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:51Caption #428
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:50Caption #55
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:48Caption #328
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:47Caption #624
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:46Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:45Caption #943
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:44Caption #78
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:43Caption #365
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:41Caption #396
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:40Caption #767
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:39Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:38Caption #735
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:36Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:35Caption #52
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:34Caption #832
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:33Caption #402
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:32Caption #220
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:30Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:29Caption #57
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:28Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:25Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:24Caption #167
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:23Caption #674
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:21Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:18Caption #817
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:16Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:15Caption #787
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:14Caption #76
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:13Caption #61
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:12Caption #395
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:11Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:10Caption #81
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:08Caption #305
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:07Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:04Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:03Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:02Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker06:56:01Caption #273
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:59Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:58Caption #774
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:57Caption #123
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:55Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:54Caption #441
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:53Caption #765
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:52Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:51Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:49Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:48Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:47Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:46Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:45Caption #289
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:44Caption #92
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:42Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:41Caption #492
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:39Caption #633
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:37Caption #789
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:35Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:34Caption #924
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:33Caption #834
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:32Caption #745
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:30Caption #79
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:29Caption #380
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:28Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:26Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:25Caption #418
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:23Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:22Caption #748
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:21Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:20Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:19Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:17Caption #491
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:16Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:15Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:14Caption #941
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:13Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:12Caption #524
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:11Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:10Caption #717
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:09Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:08Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:07Caption #-38
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:06Caption #57
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:05Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:04Caption #271
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:02Caption #38
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:01Caption #453
Mr. NonameLurker06:55:00Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:59Caption #419
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:58Caption #824
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:57Caption #697
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:56Caption #726
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:54Caption #125
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:53Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:52Caption #751
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:51Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:49Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:48Caption #140
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:47Caption #17
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:46Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:44Caption #654
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:43Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:42Caption #786
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:41Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:40Caption #479
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:38Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:37Caption #339
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:36Caption #194
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:35Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:32Caption #583
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:31Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:29Caption #922
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:28Caption #49
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:27Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:26Caption #855
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:25Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:24Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:23Caption #922
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:21Caption #400
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:20Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:19Caption #104
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:18Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:17Caption #889
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:16Caption #266
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:15Caption #588
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:14Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:13Caption #438
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:11Caption #102
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:10Caption #506
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:09Caption #36
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:06Caption #262
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:03Caption #244
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:02Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:01Caption #596
Mr. NonameLurker06:54:00Caption #145
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:59Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:58Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:57Caption #736
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:55Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:54Caption #318
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:53Caption #552
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:52Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:51Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:50Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:49Caption #845
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:48Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:47Caption #775
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:46Caption #659
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:44Caption #574
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:43Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:41Caption #372
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:40Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:38Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:37Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:33Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:32Caption #371
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:29Caption #725
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:28Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:27Caption #449
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:26Caption #760
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:25Caption #792
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:24Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:22Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:21Caption #617
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:20Caption #480
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:19Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:18Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:15Caption #887
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:14Caption #696
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:13Caption #982
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:12Caption #70
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:11Caption #31
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:10Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:08Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:07Caption #889
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:06Caption #678
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:04Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:02Caption #517
Mr. NonameLurker06:53:00Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:59Caption #488
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:57Caption #62
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:56Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:55Caption #187
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:54Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:53Caption #826
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:52Caption #481
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:50Caption #490
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:49Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:48Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:47Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:46Caption #281
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:45Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:44Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:43Caption #363
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:42Caption #430
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:41Caption #872
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:40Caption #379
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:39Caption #489
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:38Caption #212
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:37Caption #808
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:36Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:35Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:34Caption #95
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:32Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:31Caption #437
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:30Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:29Caption #743
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:28Caption #199
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:27Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:26Caption #510
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:24Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:22Caption #410
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:20Caption #240
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:19Caption #418
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:16Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:15Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:13Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:12Caption #591
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:11Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:10Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:09Caption #136
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:07Caption #725
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:05Caption #213
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:03Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:01Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker06:52:00Caption #649
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:59Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:58Caption #477
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:57Caption #187
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:56Caption #723
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:55Caption #564
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:54Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:53Caption #891
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:52Caption #57
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:51Caption #757
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:50Caption #612
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:49Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:47Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:45Caption #768
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:43Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:42Caption #161
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:41Caption #545
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:40Caption #908
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:39Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:38Caption #694
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:37Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:36Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:35Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:34Caption #236
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:33Caption #790
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:32Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:30Caption #963
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:29Caption #928
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:28Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:27Caption #49
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:26Caption #719
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:25Caption #672
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:24Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:23Caption #762
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:22Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:21Caption #147
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:20Caption #928
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:18Caption #587
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:17Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:16Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:15Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker06:51:14Main Page

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post