[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 02/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

"So Carlos?"

"Si Juan?"

"You remember that film some years ago, Deuce Bigelow, Male Gigolo?"

"You mean dat film where Rob Schneider is trying to be sexy, but he ain't so sexy?"

"Si Carlos, what did you think?"

"It was ok."


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker06:44:49Scrawled on the board
Mr. NonameLurker19:25:25Scrawled on the board
apple juice is a verbCaption Monkie18:02:57Alternatiphized #23
Mr. NonameLurker23:59:00drooled over #3
Mr. NonameLurker23:55:29drooled over #32

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Board [Post Message]

Can someone explain to me why I think the above caption is funny. It doesn't seem like it should be amusing, but it still makes me chuckle.

After two days of thinking, I have still not decided what to write here. All the passages before had a hidden agenda, feelings I needed to get out at the time, or messages I was trying to send to someone. So I have decided to ramble, to just type the jumble of things that comes into my... bottom of the well staring up... mind.

Neil Gaiman wrote in the wonderfully dark children's book Coraline, that if you were at the bottom of the deepest well and looked up, you would always see stars, no matter if it was night or day. I think it is true. I feel like that is where I am right now.

It reminds me again of being home, a place so beauty raged, so raptured by nature, secluded and bare. I have been thinking of home more often recently, maybe because I am feeling more vulnerable right now. I could always see thousands of stars on a cloud free night, I could always hear the waves crashing against jagged granite and coarse sand. Gray skies, unceasing bitter rain and gales that uproot lesser trees; these are strange things to miss. When they come infrequently to LA, I feel released and somewhat whole again.

So instead I walk down to the beach at night and sit close to the surf, with my eyes closed, letting the sounds of the waves take me home.

Enough rambling for now, at least LA is close to the happiest place on earth.

There are 52 messages for this day.
<Lauren> I was looking for this yesterday to post under mypalmike's 'Dear Abby' captions, but couldn't find it. Today, I got it in an e-mail from a friend:

Dear Abby,

My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f**king red mark on
his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Mitchy in Moston

<Pedro Gonzales> That is a good letter! What did abby say?
<guyPaulo> God, this is a tough sequence to caption today.
<Mort> I went looking at all the other countries most emailed photos, trying to find some good photo for a theme day. They were all mostly the same as the US one, cept for Italia which featured only ladies in a state of undress.
<3Suns> Yeah, Yahoo Italy is one crazy place, lemme tell you!
<mountaineer> I have been to Yahoo Italy.

It was ok.

<Mort> What terrible mission were you on?
<ajiav> prompted by this, i've been visiting all the yahoos from around the world, which i had never done before. i didn't know french canadians had their own "most popular" subsection seperate from canada greater.
<mountaineer> I had to assasinate the designer of the famed puffy sleeved 'pirate shirt'.

He was one slick fellow.

<Mort> Did you also steal the Pirates treasure?
I just want to know if the trip was personally beneficial to you.

ajiav - And yet none for Japan or Russia.

<mountaineer> I think the boat car is a 007 reject, am I right? Still it is better than the spy stuff they issue to me. Did you know Fisher Price makes a Stun Gun?
<ajiav> japan has to have something...
<Handler> [TOP-SEKRET]
Mountaineer, please report in. You are needed for a long mission in Mongolia, but we promise you a vacation in Costa Rica as soon as you are finished.
<ajiav> this, perhaps?
<ajiav> this, perhaps?
<Mort> Perhaps, I don't read Kanji so well anymore. I bookmarked them to perhaps use them in the future.
Nice find Ajiav.
<mountaineer> You people are all about promises.
<Handler> I agree. You can't trust the organization, but you have always been able to trust me Mountaineer. If you make it out of Mongolia, you can spend the rest of the time in Costa Rica.
Even if I have to drive you there myself.
<mountaineer> That is the car ride where you bludgeon me with the handset from one of those squeaky rolly-eyed phones. Either that or you drive straight into one of those poles which the place in the middles of roads in Costa Rica. There are less messy ways to get rid of an agent.
<Handler> You are so much stronger than me Mountaineer, not even the advantage of the squeaky rolly-eyed phone would do me good. If I drove straight into one of those poles, it would just kill me too, I promise that they could use my organs so that you would survive.
If you don't want to drive then I will row you there myself.
<Footler> Don't listen, mountaineer. He's a double agent. We've just been informed that Handler's in the pay of the Fritzlvanian Underground. He must be terminated. Now!
<Handler> Footler is an obvious convenant spy, trying to sow seeds of discontent. If you are who you say you are Footler, let me see your CIA bus pass.
<ajiav> last thing i'll say 'bout this, but yahoo japan has put their more interesting photos here :
<ajiav> click on もっと見る to keep going through the directory.
<ajiav> *oops* you're not kanji-compatible!
<Mort> Yeh that's one feature I have been so meaning to add...
<yoyology> mountaineer, you've known me since the early days at Langley, before The Super-Sekrit Office We All Work For With The Long Silly Name was even in existence. Handler's not to be trusted. Remember that incident in Tripoli? He was the one who put the raiders onto you.
<Handler> Footler, you disguise has already slipped. We know who you are. The CIA is on your trail, it was you who told the Oakland Raiders about mountaineer.
<mountaineer> Oh my stars! Who to trust? WHO TO TRUST!? Why did I not just take up casual jazz singing? Oh yeah, early childhood spy programming...
<TAFKAF> (The Agent Formerly Known As Footler)
That's it! He's breaking. Time to use the implanted keyword. LAZENBY! LAZENBY!!!
<Handler> mountaineer, it is me you can trust. When you are safe in Costa Rica you will be able to write your memoirs. You can write the story of a talented girl who ghosts in and out of countries.
How does that sound to you? You will be finally able to miss misery.
<The Real Footler, Honest> Damn you, Handler. Why can't you leave him alone? You know how fragile he's been since Singapore.
<Handler> Again you have been unmasked Footler. You need to go back to spy school, how can you not know that Mountaineer is a girl?
We have tracked you down to the "happy russian motel and cocktail lounge" in North Dakota. There is no where to run now.
<Foot-yoyo-boy> A slip of the tongue. You know I only heard about the surgery a few days ago.
<YoFootleby> Costa Rica is a deathtrap, mountaineer. Come with me to Helsinki, and from there, we'll escape to somewhere not even Handler can follow us to.
<mountaineer> By the time I make it to Costa Rica I will only be able to weave my miserable memoirs into banana leaf baskets. At least I will have a golden brown tan. (ew)
<Handler> If you need me to come into Mongolia to help you gain the trust of the natives then just let me know. There must be some way to get you an exit visa, or some other kind of out.
I must go eat freedom fries at the CIA cafeteria, while the trained assassins take out Footler.
Let me know what you decide Mountaineer.
<Foooooootler> You know how to contact me, mountaineer. I trust you to make the right choice. I must flee.
<yoyology> I really want to know the story behind ...headlines.yahoo.co.jp...
<ajiav> the babelfish translation says it's the hole of the 'Motohiro manager.' should I infer this to be sadaam?
<3Suns> US soldiers nicknamed Saddam "Elvis", because following his trail was like asking people about Elvis sightings. They brought the Elvis cutout to the "spider-hole" to signify that they found Elvis.
<Mort> Seem to be growing a full beard. I always wanted to know what I would look like wearing one, or maybe I just haven't felt like shaving much for the last 2 weeks.
<Jellyloo> Full beards and spider-holes go together like popsicles and summer.
<Mort> I don't think it is thick enough for spiders to live in yet. But it is feeling wonderfully scritchy.
<3Suns> If I fail to shave for 2 weeks, I get some thick stubble. Curse my anglo-saxon descent! Or maybe, thanks to it.
<yoyology> I can't really grow a full beard, because I have these sparse patches that extend from the corners of my chin up. I'm working on a nice, thick goatee, though. And sideburns. First time I've ever done that.
<Lauren> I've always liked facial hair. Just haven't been able to grow my own (except for eyelashes and eyebrows). I once dreamed that I had a mustache, though. It wasn't a good look for me.
I have been given the unprecedented power of an orkut membership [ ...www.orkut.co... ]. If anyone is interested in joining, send me an email at orko [ATT] yoyology [DAWT] com and I'll invite you. I've even created a community for Mostemailed!
<mypalmike> I knew this day would come! Thank you, thank you, yoyology!
<Starbug> Hmm, that's like friendster, no?
<yoyology> Like friendster, only requiring an invitation. Friendster meets LiveJournal, if you will.
<zaari mahboube> can you help me please ,i m looking for an invitation in friendster site webe .
this is my email :

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