[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 318 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker16:30:00Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:59Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:58Caption #597
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:57Caption #707
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:56Caption #-70
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:55Caption #975
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:54Caption #392
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:53Caption #388
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:52Caption #400
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:51Caption #156
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:50Caption #172
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:49Caption #847
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:48Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:47Caption #180
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:46Caption #163
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:45Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:41Caption #932
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:38Caption #225
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:35Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:34Caption #248
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:33Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:32Caption #597
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:31Caption #928
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:30Caption #316
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:29Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:28Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:27Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:26Caption #579
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:23Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:19Caption #241
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:17Caption #564
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:14Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:11Caption #161
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:10Caption #213
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:07Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:05Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:03Caption #321
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:02Caption #568
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:01Caption #527
Mr. NonameLurker16:29:00Caption #791
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:59Caption #260
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:58Caption #495
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:57Caption #356
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:56Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:55Caption #119
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:54Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:53Caption #245
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:50Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:49Caption #217
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:48Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:47Caption #527
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:46Caption #871
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:45Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:44Caption #108
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:43Caption #921
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:42Caption #411
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:41Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:40Caption #398
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:38Caption #557
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:36Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:35Caption #503
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:34Caption #715
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:33Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:32Caption #678
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:31Caption #918
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:30Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:29Caption #292
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:29Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:27Caption #412
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:26Caption #164
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:25Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:24Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:23Caption #867
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:22Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:21Caption #880
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:20Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:19Caption #136
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:18Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:16Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:14Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:13Caption #467
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:10Caption #650
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:09Caption #328
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:08Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:07Caption #686
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:06Caption #323
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:05Caption #732
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:04Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:03Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:02Caption #99
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:01Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker16:28:00Caption #435
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:59Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:58Caption #455
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:57Caption #347
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:56Caption #870
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:55Caption #398
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:54Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:53Caption #658
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:52Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:51Caption #256
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:50Caption #770
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:48Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:47Caption #99
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:46Caption #826
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:45Caption #720
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:44Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:43Caption #829
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:42Caption #746
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:41Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:40Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:39Caption #676
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:38Caption #866
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:37Caption #254
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:36Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:35Caption #114
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:34Caption #573
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:33Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:32Caption #265
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:31Caption #96
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:30Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:29Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:28Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:27Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:26Caption #120
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:25Caption #416
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:24Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:23Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:22Caption #918
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:21Caption #492
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:20Caption #380
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:16Caption #562
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:15Caption #644
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:14Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:13Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:12Caption #308
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:11Caption #166
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:11Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:09Caption #74
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:08Caption #706
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:07Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:06Caption #-32
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:03Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker16:27:02Caption #452
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:58Caption #119
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:54Caption #261
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:53Caption #119
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:50Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:46Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:43Caption #442
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:42Caption #375
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:41Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:40Caption #335
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:39Caption #264
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:38Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:37Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:36Caption #286
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:35Caption #56
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:34Caption #227
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:33Caption #74
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:32Caption #694
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:26Caption #82
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:25Caption #509
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:24Caption #251
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:23Caption #272
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:22Caption #28
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:21Caption #541
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:20Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:19Caption #524
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:18Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:17Caption #63
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:16Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:12Caption #192
Mr. NonameLurker16:26:00Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:59Caption #228
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:58Caption #268
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:57Caption #583
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:56Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:55Caption #36
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:54Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:53Caption #246
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:52Caption #155
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:50Caption #36
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:49Caption #481
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:48Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:47Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:46Caption #161
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:45Caption #19
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:44Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:43Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:42Caption #193
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:35Caption #388
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:30Caption #727
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:28Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:25Caption #640
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:24Caption #147
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:17Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:16Caption #32
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:15Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:14Caption #607
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:13Caption #42
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:12Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:11Caption #415
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:10Caption #552
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:09Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:08Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker16:25:01Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:56Caption #169
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:53Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:52Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:51Caption #793
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:50Caption #143
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:49Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:48Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:47Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:46Caption #32
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:45Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:44Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:33Caption #428
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:27Caption #675
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:24Caption #402
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:19Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:15Caption #318
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:14Caption #259
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:06Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker16:24:05Caption #169
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:57Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:53Caption #359
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:50Caption #430
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:43Caption #276
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:42Caption #597
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:40Caption #52
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:36Caption #409
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:35Caption #707
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:32Caption #572
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:30Caption #820
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:29Caption #266
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:26Caption #904
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:22Caption #834
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:19Caption #294
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:17Caption #795
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:15Caption #699
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:09Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:04Caption #185
Mr. NonameLurker16:23:03Caption #352
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:51Caption #647
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:42Caption #520
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:41Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:39Caption #704
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:38Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:36Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:30Caption #505
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:27Caption #990
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:26Caption #334
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:24Caption #872
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:22Caption #476
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:21Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:18Caption #72
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:17Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:16Caption #770
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:12Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:11Caption #421
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:10Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:07Caption #433
Mr. NonameLurker16:22:01Caption #816
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:59Caption #417
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:58Caption #72
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:57Caption #703
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:55Caption #795
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:53Caption #273
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:49Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:46Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:44Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:42Caption #667
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:37Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:34Caption #254
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:33Caption #896
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:31Caption #389
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:29Caption #295
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:27Caption #333
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:26Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:24Caption #232
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:22Caption #572
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:17Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:16Caption #125
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:13Caption #850
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:12Caption #455
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:10Caption #587
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:07Caption #812
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:05Caption #333
Mr. NonameLurker16:21:02Caption #262
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:58Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:57Caption #670
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:55Caption #384
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:50Caption #587
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:47Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:44Caption #223
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:42Caption #881
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:41Caption #223
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:38Caption #834
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:35Caption #434
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:33Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:32Caption #534
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:30Caption #766
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:29Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:28Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:25Caption #274
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:23Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:22Caption #746
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:19Caption #-29
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:17Caption #645
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:15Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:13Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:11Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:09Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:07Caption #240
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:02Caption #584
Mr. NonameLurker16:20:01Caption #07

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.


There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post