[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 287 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:40Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:39Caption #-5
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:38Caption #-8
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:37Caption #-11
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:36Caption #518
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:35Caption #551
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:34Caption #642
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:33Caption #395
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:32Caption #572
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:31Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:30Caption #395
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:29Caption #317
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:28Caption #389
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:27Caption #279
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:26Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:20Caption #316
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:18Caption #35
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:14Caption #-18
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:11Caption #848
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:10Caption #223
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:09Caption #510
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:08Caption #550
Mr. NonameLurker11:59:07Caption #358
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:58Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:56Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:55Caption #712
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:51Caption #323
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:42Caption #-3
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:39Caption #915
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:37Caption #771
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:30Caption #244
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:29Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:22Caption #442
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:19Caption #376
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:13Caption #950
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:12Caption #718
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:11Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:10Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:09Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:08Caption #230
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:07Caption #410
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:06Caption #531
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:05Caption #842
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:04Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:03Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:02Caption #647
Mr. NonameLurker11:58:01Caption #880
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:57Caption #635
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:56Caption #318
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:55Caption #740
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:54Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:53Caption #847
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:52Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:51Caption #534
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:50Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:49Caption #694
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:48Caption #801
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:47Caption #701
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:46Caption #184
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:41Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:37Caption #66
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:31Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:29Caption #-9
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:24Caption #421
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:20Caption #76
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:18Caption #480
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:16Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:11Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:06Caption #306
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:01Caption #639
Mr. NonameLurker11:57:00Caption #-11
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:58Caption #-43
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:54Caption #800
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:51Caption #79
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:50Caption #369
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:47Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:46Caption #309
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:44Caption #247
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:39Caption #153
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:38Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:35Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:34Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:33Caption #513
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:32Caption #741
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:31Caption #668
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:25Caption #686
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:24Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:23Caption #509
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:22Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:21Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:20Caption #735
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:19Caption #508
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:13Caption #828
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:12Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:11Caption #491
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:10Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:09Caption #562
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:08Caption #400
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:07Caption #74
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:06Caption #263
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:05Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:04Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:03Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker11:56:02Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:54Caption #813
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:53Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:49Caption #540
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:48Caption #38
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:45Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:44Caption #137
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:43Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:38Caption #161
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:37Caption #628
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:36Caption #554
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:32Caption #161
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:26Caption #285
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:24Caption #827
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:23Caption #477
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:20Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:18Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:16Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:07Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:05Caption #628
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:01Caption #776
Mr. NonameLurker11:55:00Caption #314
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:59Caption #319
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:58Caption #488
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:57Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:56Caption #862
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:55Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:54Caption #883
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:49Caption #639
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:48Caption #864
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:46Caption #113
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:45Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:41Caption #113
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:40Caption #935
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:39Caption #116
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:38Caption #950
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:37Caption #270
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:37Caption #792
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:32Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:30Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:29Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:28Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:27Caption #920
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:26Caption #686
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:25Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:24Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:23Caption #807
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:22Caption #433
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:21Caption #207
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:20Caption #28
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:19Caption #746
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:16Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:06Caption #905
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:05Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:03Caption #384
Mr. NonameLurker11:54:01Caption #660
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:59Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:57Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:48Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:47Caption #168
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:45Caption #305
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:43Caption #220
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:41Caption #934
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:40Caption #798
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:38Caption #577
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:36Caption #946
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:35Caption #426
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:32Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:29Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:28Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:27Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:26Caption #885
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:25Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:24Caption #48
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:19Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:14Caption #612
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:10Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:09Caption #712
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:07Caption #120
Mr. NonameLurker11:53:04Caption #868
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:58Caption #878
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:54Caption #893
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:50Caption #753
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:47Caption #70
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:46Caption #409
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:44Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:42Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:40Caption #713
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:39Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:37Caption #398
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:33Caption #-28
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:27Caption #715
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:24Caption #503
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:22Caption #525
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:21Caption #130
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:20Caption #685
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:16Caption #180
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:11Caption #412
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:10Caption #250
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:09Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:08Caption #842
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:05Caption #755
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:04Caption #-26
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:01Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker11:52:00Caption #898
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:59Caption #658
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:55Caption #645
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:51Caption #981
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:46Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:43Caption #223
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:39Caption #182
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:38Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:34Caption #785
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:31Caption #844
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:29Caption #-67
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:28Caption #79
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:18Caption #164
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:17Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:15Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:12Caption #66
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:07Caption #168
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:05Caption #164
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:03Caption #577
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:02Caption #912
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:01Caption #844
Mr. NonameLurker11:51:00Caption #263
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:59Caption #185
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:58Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:57Caption #748
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:56Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:55Caption #367
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:53Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:51Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:49Caption #871
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:47Caption #459
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:45Caption #377
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:44Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:43Caption #354
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:41Caption #125
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:39Caption #205
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:37Caption #543
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:35Caption #419
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:33Caption #670
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:32Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:31Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:30Caption #295
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:29Caption #402
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:27Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:26Caption #-19
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:25Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:24Caption #312
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:23Caption #109
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:22Caption #483
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:21Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:19Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:18Caption #803
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:17Caption #791
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:15Caption #911
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:14Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:13Caption #910
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:12Caption #427
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:11Caption #875
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:10Caption #291
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:09Caption #32
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:08Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:07Caption #866
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:06Caption #690
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:05Caption #186
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:04Caption #-24
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:03Caption #861
Mr. NonameLurker11:50:01Caption #644
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:59Caption #126
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:57Caption #677
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:55Caption #577
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:54Caption #906
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:53Caption #144
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:51Caption #798
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:50Caption #713
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:49Caption #575
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:47Caption #190
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:44Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:43Caption #740
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:42Caption #36
Mr. NonameLurker11:49:40Caption #26

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.


There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post