[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)
Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 303 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:56Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:55Caption #374
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:52Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:46Caption #863
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:40Caption #408
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:39Caption #-18
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:32Caption #843
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:19Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:16Caption #113
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:15Caption #197
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:14Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:13Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:12Caption #831
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:11Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:10Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:09Caption #102
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:07Caption #327
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:06Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:05Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:04Caption #670
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:03Caption #370
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:02Caption #173
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:01Caption #695
Mr. NonameLurker21:07:00Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:59Caption #692
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:58Caption #898
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:57Caption #555
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:56Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:55Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:54Caption #632
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:53Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:52Caption #775
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:51Caption #955
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:50Caption #110
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:49Caption #820
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:48Caption #224
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:47Caption #250
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:46Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:45Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:44Caption #68
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:43Caption #245
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:42Caption #189
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:41Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:39Caption #830
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:38Caption #732
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:35Caption #120
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:34Caption #398
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:33Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:32Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:31Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:28Caption #33
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:27Caption #377
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:25Caption #19
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:24Caption #250
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:23Caption #560
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:22Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:21Caption #918
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:20Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:19Caption #737
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:18Caption #553
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:17Caption #234
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:16Caption #584
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:15Caption #456
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:14Caption #939
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:13Caption #46
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:12Caption #576
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:11Caption #213
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:10Caption #487
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:09Caption #135
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:08Caption #771
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:07Caption #846
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:06Caption #567
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:04Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:03Caption #380
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:02Caption #82
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:01Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker21:06:00Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:59Caption #116
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:58Caption #157
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:57Caption #555
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:56Caption #769
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:55Caption #536
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:54Caption #399
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:53Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:52Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:50Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:49Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:48Caption #366
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:46Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:44Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:43Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:42Caption #552
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:37Caption #724
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:34Caption #848
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:33Caption #369
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:32Caption #523
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:31Caption #898
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:29Caption #770
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:28Caption #756
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:26Caption #168
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:24Caption #178
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:23Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:22Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:21Caption #807
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:20Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:19Caption #738
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:18Caption #504
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:17Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:16Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:15Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:11Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:07Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:03Caption #76
Mr. NonameLurker21:05:01Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:58Caption #962
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:53Caption #546
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:52Caption #442
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:48Caption #729
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:46Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:45Caption #334
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:40Caption #841
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:39Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:38Caption #182
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:37Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:35Caption #194
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:34Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:33Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:32Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:31Caption #192
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:30Caption #561
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:29Caption #379
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:28Caption #603
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:27Caption #268
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:26Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:25Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:24Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:23Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:22Caption #123
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:21Caption #294
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:20Caption #811
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:19Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:18Caption #967
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:17Caption #281
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:16Caption #116
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:15Caption #351
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:14Caption #416
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:13Caption #497
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:12Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:10Caption #540
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:08Caption #545
Mr. NonameLurker21:04:07Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:57Caption #627
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:56Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:55Caption #666
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:54Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:53Caption #755
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:52Caption #55
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:51Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:50Caption #559
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:44Caption #881
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:43Caption #905
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:41Caption #743
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:38Caption #424
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:37Caption #847
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:36Caption #724
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:35Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:34Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:33Caption #633
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:32Caption #390
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:31Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:30Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:29Caption #352
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:22Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:13Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:10Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:08Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:08Caption #689
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:06Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:05Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:04Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:03Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:02Caption #744
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:01Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker21:03:00Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:59Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:58Caption #319
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:57Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:56Caption #902
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:55Caption #61
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:54Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:53Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:46Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:45Caption #74
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:44Caption #882
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:43Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:42Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:41Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:40Caption #385
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:39Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:37Caption #525
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:35Caption #888
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:32Caption #815
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:31Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:30Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:29Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:28Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:27Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:26Caption #32
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:25Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:24Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:23Caption #87
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:22Caption #725
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:16Caption #137
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:15Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:14Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:10Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:06Caption #274
Mr. NonameLurker21:02:00Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:57Caption #706
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:56Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:55Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:54Caption #577
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:53Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:52Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:51Caption #443
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:45Caption #865
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:44Caption #810
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:42Caption #591
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:41Caption #173
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:40Caption #-9
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:38Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:32Caption #237
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:31Caption #397
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:24Caption #653
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:22Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:21Caption #328
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:18Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:15Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:14Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:12Caption #186
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:11Caption #765
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:10Caption #264
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:04Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:02Caption #555
Mr. NonameLurker21:01:01Caption #145
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:56Caption #979
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:55Caption #163
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:54Caption #109
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:53Caption #250
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:48Caption #684
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:46Caption #328
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:41Caption #950
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:38Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:36Caption #524
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:34Caption #696
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:30Caption #104
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:27Caption #575
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:26Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:25Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:24Caption #693
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:22Caption #843
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:19Caption #46
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:18Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:17Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:12Caption #909
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:11Caption #505
Mr. NonameLurker21:00:06Caption #172
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:59Caption #811
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:58Caption #256
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:57Caption #213
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:56Caption #377
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:51Caption #574
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:47Caption #603
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:37Caption #716
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:34Caption #94
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:32Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:31Caption #182
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:20Caption #866
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:09Caption #592
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:08Caption #140
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:07Caption #647
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:06Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:04Caption #919
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:03Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker20:59:02Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:58Caption #449
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:53Caption #225
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:47Caption #659
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:46Caption #841
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:45Caption #256
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:39Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:36Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:35Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:34Caption #385
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:26Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:22Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:16Caption #276
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:15Caption #795
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:12Caption #416
Mr. NonameLurker20:58:07Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker20:57:59Caption #247
Mr. NonameLurker20:57:58Caption #424
Mr. NonameLurker20:57:57Caption #113

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.

There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post