[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 350 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:17Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:16Caption #592
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:15Caption #881
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:14Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:13Caption #-24
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:12Caption #927
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:11Caption #791
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:10Caption #644
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:09Caption #-43
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:08Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:07Caption #624
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:06Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:05Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:04Caption #113
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:03Caption #160
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:02Caption #782
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:01Caption #291
Mr. NonameLurker16:07:00Caption #878
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:59Caption #790
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:58Caption #816
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:57Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:56Caption #160
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:55Caption #235
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:54Caption #195
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:53Caption #270
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:52Caption #274
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:51Caption #707
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:50Caption #235
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:49Caption #474
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:48Caption #812
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:47Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:46Caption #800
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:45Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:44Caption #644
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:43Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:42Caption #568
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:41Caption #317
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:40Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:34Caption #434
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:31Caption #705
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:23Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:22Caption #381
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:21Caption #685
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:20Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:19Caption #666
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:18Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:17Caption #879
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:16Caption #803
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:15Caption #804
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:09Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:03Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:02Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker16:06:01Caption #419
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:59Caption #467
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:58Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:56Caption #759
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:54Caption #153
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:52Caption #740
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:50Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:49Caption #250
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:46Caption #795
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:45Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:44Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:43Caption #722
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:42Caption #493
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:41Caption #901
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:40Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:39Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:38Caption #311
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:37Caption #410
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:36Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:35Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:34Caption #753
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:33Caption #651
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:32Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:31Caption #492
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:30Caption #171
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:29Caption #926
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:28Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:27Caption #484
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:26Caption #632
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:25Caption #693
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:24Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:23Caption #42
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:22Caption #825
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:21Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:20Caption #601
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:19Caption #167
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:15Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:09Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker16:05:03Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:59Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:57Caption #518
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:56Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:55Caption #288
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:54Caption #535
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:53Caption #302
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:52Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:51Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:50Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:49Caption #411
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:48Caption #135
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:47Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:46Caption #438
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:45Caption #747
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:44Caption #122
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:43Caption #924
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:42Caption #717
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:41Caption #543
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:40Caption #380
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:39Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:38Caption #825
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:37Caption #132
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:33Caption #334
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:28Caption #607
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:27Caption #401
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:25Caption #197
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:24Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:23Caption #327
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:22Caption #803
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:21Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:20Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:19Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:18Caption #786
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:17Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:16Caption #718
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:15Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:14Caption #174
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:13Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:12Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:11Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:10Caption #666
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:08Caption #557
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:07Caption #68
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:06Caption #904
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:05Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:04Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:03Caption #95
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:02Caption #99
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:01Caption #757
Mr. NonameLurker16:04:00Caption #905
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:59Caption #132
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:57Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:53Caption #869
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:52Caption #840
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:51Caption #883
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:50Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:49Caption #335
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:48Caption #543
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:47Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:46Caption #515
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:45Caption #520
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:44Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:43Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:42Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:37Caption #606
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:36Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:34Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:33Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:29Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:27Caption #384
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:26Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:23Caption #687
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:22Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:21Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:20Caption #576
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:19Caption #824
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:18Caption #459
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:17Caption #373
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:16Caption #31
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:15Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:14Caption #732
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:13Caption #407
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:12Caption #643
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:11Caption #573
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:10Caption #200
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:08Caption #590
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:04Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:03Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:02Caption #701
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:01Caption #325
Mr. NonameLurker16:03:00Caption #335
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:59Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:58Caption #480
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:57Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:56Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:55Caption #647
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:54Caption #194
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:53Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:52Caption #807
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:47Caption #890
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:45Caption #177
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:43Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:41Caption #59
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:40Caption #452
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:39Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:38Caption #408
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:37Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:36Caption #296
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:35Caption #515
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:34Caption #202
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:33Caption #736
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:32Caption #145
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:27Caption #-44
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:21Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:20Caption #577
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:19Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:18Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:17Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:16Caption #260
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:15Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:14Caption #205
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:13Caption #55
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:12Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:05Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:03Caption #236
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:02Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:01Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker16:02:00Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:59Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:58Caption #703
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:57Caption #351
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:56Caption #792
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:55Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:54Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:53Caption #708
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:52Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:51Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:50Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:49Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:48Caption #71
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:47Caption #207
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:46Caption #514
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:44Caption #438
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:42Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:41Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:40Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:39Caption #-26
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:38Caption #281
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:37Caption #48
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:36Caption #-68
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:35Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:34Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:33Caption #577
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:32Caption #896
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:28Caption #604
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:27Caption #130
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:23Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:22Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:21Caption #596
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:20Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:19Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:18Caption #643
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:17Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:16Caption #672
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:15Caption #314
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:14Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:07Caption #527
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:06Caption #743
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:05Caption #-20
Mr. NonameLurker16:01:04Caption #62
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:59Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:50Caption #211
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:43Caption #812
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:39Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:38Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:35Caption #179
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:32Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:27Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:26Caption #854
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:19Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker16:00:00Caption #306
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:59Caption #504
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:58Caption #453
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:55Caption #723
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:54Caption #686
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:53Caption #286
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:52Caption #545
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:51Caption #731
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:50Caption #213
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:49Caption #651
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:48Caption #576
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:47Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:46Caption #784
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:45Caption #319
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:44Caption #912
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:43Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:42Caption #727
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:41Caption #687
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:40Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:39Caption #79
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:38Caption #917
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:37Caption #871
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:17Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:15Caption #423
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:14Caption #466
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:13Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:12Caption #595
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:11Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:10Caption #19
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:09Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:07Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:01Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker15:59:00Caption #285
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:59Caption #740
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:54Caption #819
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:53Caption #809
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:52Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:51Caption #846
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:50Caption #424
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:49Caption #479
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:48Caption #401
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:47Caption #632
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:45Caption #435
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:43Caption #119
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:42Caption #615
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:41Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:40Caption #800
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:39Caption #383
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:38Caption #574
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:37Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:36Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:35Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:34Caption #316
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:33Caption #581
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:22Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:21Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:20Caption #648
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:19Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:18Caption #426
Mr. NonameLurker15:58:13Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:49Caption #272
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:45Caption #870
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:44Caption #848
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:42Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:41Caption #-48
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:40Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:39Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker15:50:58Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:37Caption #893
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:36Caption #603
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:35Caption #367
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:34Caption #266
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:32Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:31Caption #510
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:29Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:28Caption #567
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:26Caption #438
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:22Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker15:57:21Caption #141

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.


There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post