[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 342 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker11:47:08Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker11:47:06Caption #156
Mr. NonameLurker11:47:05Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker11:47:04Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker11:47:03Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker11:47:02Caption #934
Mr. NonameLurker11:47:01Caption #359
Mr. NonameLurker11:47:00Caption #76
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:58Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:57Caption #834
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:56Caption #584
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:55Caption #199
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:54Caption #481
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:53Caption #649
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:52Caption #830
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:51Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:50Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:49Caption #307
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:46Caption #834
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:45Caption #504
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:43Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:42Caption #729
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:41Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:39Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:38Caption #714
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:37Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:36Caption #164
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:34Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:32Caption #545
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:31Caption #286
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:30Caption #212
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:29Caption #466
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:28Caption #739
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:27Caption #116
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:26Caption #429
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:25Caption #456
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:24Caption #357
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:23Caption #104
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:22Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:21Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:20Caption #344
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:19Caption #242
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:18Caption #644
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:17Caption #795
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:15Caption #260
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:14Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:13Caption #858
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:12Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:11Caption #137
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:10Caption #321
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:09Caption #623
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:07Caption #390
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:06Caption #32
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:05Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:04Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:03Caption #866
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:02Caption #160
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:01Caption #703
Mr. NonameLurker11:46:00Caption #469
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:59Caption #780
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:58Caption #595
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:57Caption #409
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:56Caption #542
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:55Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:54Caption #186
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:53Caption #665
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:52Caption #325
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:51Caption #580
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:49Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:48Caption #601
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:47Caption #724
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:46Caption #334
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:45Caption #668
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:43Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:42Caption #623
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:41Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:40Caption #792
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:39Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:38Caption #939
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:37Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:36Caption #38
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:35Caption #266
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:34Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:33Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:32Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:30Caption #75
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:28Caption #874
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:26Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:24Caption #389
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:23Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:22Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:21Caption #75
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:20Caption #606
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:19Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:18Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:17Caption #751
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:15Caption #245
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:14Caption #638
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:13Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:11Caption #693
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:10Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:08Caption #248
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:06Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:05Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:03Caption #36
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:02Caption #377
Mr. NonameLurker11:45:00Caption #154
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:58Caption #784
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:56Caption #396
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:54Caption #707
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:53Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:51Caption #732
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:50Caption #722
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:49Caption #575
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:47Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:46Caption #122
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:45Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:44Caption #19
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:43Caption #270
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:42Caption #741
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:41Caption #643
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:39Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:38Caption #723
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:37Caption #95
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:36Caption #141
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:35Caption #671
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:34Caption #528
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:32Caption #289
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:31Caption #692
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:30Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:29Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:28Caption #89
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:26Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:25Caption #-11
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:24Caption #202
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:23Caption #726
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:22Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:21Caption #421
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:20Caption #305
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:19Caption #730
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:18Caption #359
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:17Caption #705
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:16Caption #480
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:15Caption #759
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:14Caption #595
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:13Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:12Caption #99
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:11Caption #506
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:10Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:09Caption #110
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:07Caption #374
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:06Caption #295
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:05Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:04Caption #223
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:03Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:02Caption #347
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:01Caption #610
Mr. NonameLurker11:44:00Caption #510
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:59Caption #369
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:58Caption #687
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:57Caption #553
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:56Caption #488
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:55Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:54Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:53Caption #836
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:52Caption #286
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:51Caption #136
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:50Caption #121
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:49Caption #869
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:48Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:47Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:46Caption #173
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:45Caption #675
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:44Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:43Caption #812
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:42Caption #411
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:41Caption #82
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:40Caption #698
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:39Caption #121
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:38Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:37Caption #184
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:36Caption #376
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:35Caption #369
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:34Caption #441
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:33Caption #774
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:32Caption #632
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:31Caption #309
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:30Caption #240
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:29Caption #329
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:28Caption #969
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:27Caption #60
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:26Caption #870
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:25Caption #458
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:24Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:23Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:22Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:21Caption #696
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:20Caption #739
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:19Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:18Caption #351
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:17Caption #696
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:16Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:15Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:14Caption #811
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:13Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:12Caption #305
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:11Caption #189
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:10Caption #58
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:09Caption #867
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:08Caption #641
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:07Caption #410
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:06Caption #568
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:05Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:04Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:03Caption #905
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:02Caption #157
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:01Caption #273
Mr. NonameLurker11:43:00Caption #827
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:59Caption #437
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:58Caption #145
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:57Caption #472
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:56Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:55Caption #367
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:54Caption #370
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:53Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:52Caption #56
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:51Caption #575
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:50Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:49Caption #553
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:48Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:47Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:46Caption #731
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:45Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:44Caption #335
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:43Caption #347
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:42Caption #604
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:41Caption #212
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:40Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:39Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:38Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:37Caption #185
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:36Caption #357
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:35Caption #467
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:34Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:33Caption #689
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:32Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:31Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:30Caption #623
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:29Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:28Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:27Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:26Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:25Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:24Caption #81
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:23Caption #348
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:22Caption #418
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:22Caption #418
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:21Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:19Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:18Caption #276
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:17Caption #536
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:16Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:15Caption #306
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:14Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:13Caption #202
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:12Caption #285
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:11Caption #588
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:10Caption #777
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:09Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:08Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:07Caption #435
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:06Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:05Caption #556
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:04Caption #713
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:03Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:02Caption #733
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:01Caption #456
Mr. NonameLurker11:42:00Caption #134
Mr. NonameLurker04:48:39Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:58Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:57Caption #217
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:55Caption #245
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:54Caption #745
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:53Caption #213
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:52Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:51Caption #321
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:50Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:49Caption #136
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:48Caption #653
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:47Caption #253
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:46Caption #349
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:45Caption #760
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:44Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:43Caption #612
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:42Caption #52
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:41Caption #819
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:39Caption #181
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:38Caption #76
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:37Caption #761
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:36Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:35Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:34Caption #705
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:33Caption #541
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:31Caption #621
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:30Caption #528
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:29Caption #817
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:28Caption #254
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:27Caption #395
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:26Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:25Caption #829
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:24Caption #338
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:23Caption #899
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:22Caption #122
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:21Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:20Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:19Caption #783
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:18Caption #370
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:17Caption #730
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:16Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:15Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:14Caption #764
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:13Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:12Caption #627
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:11Caption #490
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:10Caption #882
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:09Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:08Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:07Caption #84
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:06Caption #632
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:05Caption #864
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:04Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:02Caption #830
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:01Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker11:41:00Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker11:40:59Caption #549
Mr. NonameLurker11:40:58Caption #692
Mr. NonameLurker11:40:57Caption #706
Mr. NonameLurker11:40:56Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker11:40:55Caption #802
Mr. NonameLurker11:40:54Caption #811
Mr. NonameLurker11:40:53Caption #458
Mr. NonameLurker11:40:52Caption #184

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.


There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post