[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 347 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:59Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:58Caption #518
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:57Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:56Caption #374
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:55Caption #-5
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:54Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:53Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:52Caption #-31
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:51Caption #-36
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:50Caption #-35
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:49Caption #568
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:49Caption #-11
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:47Caption #296
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:46Caption #-19
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:45Caption #669
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:35Caption #101
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:32Caption #154
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:30Caption #244
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:19Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:18Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:17Caption #194
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:16Caption #189
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:10Caption #772
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:09Caption #474
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:08Caption #923
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:07Caption #576
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:06Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:05Caption #185
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:04Caption #925
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:03Caption #638
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:02Caption #756
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:01Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker10:40:00Caption #550
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:59Caption #398
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:58Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:57Caption #272
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:56Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:55Caption #480
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:54Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:53Caption #227
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:50Caption #418
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:47Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:45Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:44Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:43Caption #228
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:42Caption #858
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:41Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:41Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:39Caption #174
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:38Caption #861
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:37Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:36Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:35Caption #551
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:34Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:33Caption #746
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:32Caption #638
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:31Caption #390
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:30Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:29Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:28Caption #707
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:27Caption #780
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:26Caption #109
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:26Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:24Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:23Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:22Caption #888
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:21Caption #561
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:20Caption #659
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:19Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:18Caption #959
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:17Caption #108
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:16Caption #382
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:15Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:14Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:13Caption #799
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:12Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:11Caption #259
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:10Caption #221
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:09Caption #811
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:08Caption #542
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:07Caption #370
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:06Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:05Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:04Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:03Caption #270
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:02Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:01Caption #338
Mr. NonameLurker10:39:00Caption #615
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:59Caption #557
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:58Caption #275
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:57Caption #682
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:53Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:52Caption #300
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:51Caption #344
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:50Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:49Caption #396
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:48Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:47Caption #214
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:46Caption #797
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:45Caption #257
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:44Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:43Caption #257
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:42Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:41Caption #677
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:40Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:39Caption #349
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:36Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:35Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:30Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:29Caption #876
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:28Caption #514
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:27Caption #820
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:26Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:25Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:24Caption #365
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:23Caption #735
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:22Caption #504
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:21Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:20Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:20Caption #556
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:18Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:14Caption #583
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:09Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:08Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:07Caption #353
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:05Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:04Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:03Caption #496
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:02Caption #61
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:01Caption #383
Mr. NonameLurker10:38:00Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:59Caption #392
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:58Caption #361
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:57Caption #584
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:56Caption #723
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:55Caption #480
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:54Caption #334
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:53Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:52Caption #94
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:50Caption #-43
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:47Caption #304
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:44Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:43Caption #754
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:43Caption #360
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:41Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:40Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:39Caption #429
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:38Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:37Caption #348
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:36Caption #541
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:35Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:34Caption #423
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:33Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:32Caption #139
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:27Caption #823
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:26Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:25Caption #254
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:24Caption #452
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:23Caption #452
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:22Caption #722
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:21Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:20Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:19Caption #708
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:18Caption #110
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:17Caption #197
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:16Caption #74
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:15Caption #930
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:13Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:12Caption #651
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:08Caption #182
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:07Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:06Caption #61
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:05Caption #970
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:04Caption #676
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:03Caption #567
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:02Caption #46
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:01Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker10:37:00Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:59Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:58Caption #627
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:57Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:56Caption #116
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:54Caption #272
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:53Caption #375
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:52Caption #272
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:46Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:45Caption #106
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:43Caption #698
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:42Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:41Caption #955
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:40Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:39Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:38Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:37Caption #251
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:36Caption #56
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:35Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:34Caption #964
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:33Caption #682
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:32Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:30Caption #456
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:29Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:28Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:27Caption #574
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:26Caption #82
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:25Caption #656
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:24Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:23Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:22Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:21Caption #714
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:20Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:19Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:18Caption #48
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:17Caption #641
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:16Caption #183
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:14Caption #434
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:12Caption #173
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:09Caption #779
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:07Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:05Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker10:36:02Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:59Caption #751
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:58Caption #919
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:55Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:53Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:52Caption #107
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:51Caption #302
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:50Caption #628
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:49Caption #162
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:48Caption #643
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:47Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:46Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:45Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:44Caption #33
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:43Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:42Caption #708
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:41Caption #761
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:40Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:39Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:38Caption #596
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:37Caption #557
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:36Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:35Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:34Caption #41
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:33Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:32Caption #202
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:31Caption #481
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:30Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:29Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:28Caption #413
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:27Caption #658
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:26Caption #930
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:25Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:24Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:23Caption #684
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:19Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:17Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:15Caption #578
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:14Caption #338
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:12Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:10Caption #485
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:07Caption #488
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:06Caption #660
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:05Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:04Caption #496
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:03Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker10:35:00Caption #177
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:51Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:50Caption #-9
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:49Caption #-38
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:48Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:47Caption #221
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:41Caption #304
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:36Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:30Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:29Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:28Caption #395
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:27Caption #645
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:26Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:18Caption #694
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:17Caption #387
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:16Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:15Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:14Caption #578
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:11Caption #697
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:04Caption #788
Mr. NonameLurker10:34:01Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:58Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:57Caption #385
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:55Caption #223
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:50Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:47Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:44Caption #412
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:43Caption #288
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:42Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:41Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:38Caption #704
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:37Caption #612
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:36Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:35Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:27Caption #704
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:26Caption #392
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:25Caption #462
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:24Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:23Caption #267
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:21Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:17Caption #84
Mr. NonameLurker10:33:07Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:53Caption #780
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:46Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:44Caption #551
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:43Caption #602
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:42Caption #633
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:41Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:40Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:39Caption #768
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:38Caption #379
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:37Caption #417
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:36Caption #584
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:35Caption #514
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:34Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:33Caption #682
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:29Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:24Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:17Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:16Caption #566
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:12Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:11Caption #846
Mr. NonameLurker10:32:10Caption #566
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:57Caption #407
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:56Caption #357
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:55Caption #383
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:54Caption #365
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:46Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:43Caption #520
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:42Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:41Caption #352
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:40Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:39Caption #90
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:31Caption #171
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:28Caption #265
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:14Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:11Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:10Caption #54
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:09Caption #708
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:08Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker10:31:07Caption #524
Mr. NonameLurker10:30:59Caption #875

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.


There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post