Most Emailed Photos

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004

by Mort

<-- First

Choose an alternative caption: >

Last -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.

(AP)

(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.

History

These 5 things happened most recently.

Mr. Noname Lurker 15:05:46 drooled over #54

Mr. Noname Lurker 08:23:46 drooled over #666

Mr. Noname Lurker 13:52:24 drooled over #76

Mr. Noname Lurker 08:51:51 drooled over #102

Mr. Noname Lurker 09:22:14 drooled over #555

Current Users

There have been 247 users in the last 10 minutes.

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:39 Main Page

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:38 Caption #777

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:36 Caption #525

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:35 Caption #130

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:29 Caption #470

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:25 Caption #550

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:23 Caption #425

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:20 Caption #338

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:18 Caption #230

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:16 Caption #869

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:15 Caption #533

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:14 Caption #-2

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:13 Caption #216

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:12 Caption #-21

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:11 Caption #-3

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:10 Caption #-55

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:09 Caption #-42

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:08 Main Page

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:07 Caption #-39

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:05 Caption #241

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:02 Caption #62

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:07:00 Caption #180

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:58 Caption #871

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:57 Caption #161

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:55 Caption #196

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:47 Caption #189

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:44 Caption #377

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:42 Caption #17

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:38 Caption #241

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:35 Caption #340

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:34 Caption #-34

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:33 Caption #469

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:32 Caption #580

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:31 Caption #321

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:30 Caption #359

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:29 Caption #431

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:28 Caption #514

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:27 Caption #364

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:26 Caption #126

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:25 Caption #198

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:24 Caption #225

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:23 Caption #387

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:22 Caption #1

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:21 Caption #316

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:20 Caption #485

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:19 Caption #606

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:18 Caption #476

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:17 Caption #523

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:16 Caption #240

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:15 Caption #-2

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:14 Caption #467

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:13 Caption #292

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:10 Caption #757

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:09 Caption #218

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:07 Caption #679

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:03 Caption #833

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:02 Caption #838

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:06:00 Caption #570

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:54 Caption #333

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:53 Caption #312

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:52 Caption #25

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:51 Caption #223

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:50 Caption #807

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:49 Caption #919

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:48 Caption #769

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:48 Caption #131

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:46 Caption #382

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:45 Caption #15

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:44 Caption #171

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:39 Caption #365

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:38 Caption #781

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:37 Caption #681

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:34 Caption #388

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:33 Caption #95

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:32 Caption #785

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:31 Caption #477

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:30 Caption #641

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:29 Caption #516

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:28 Caption #141

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:27 Caption #160

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:26 Caption #147

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:25 Caption #442

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:23 Caption #293

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:21 Caption #389

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:19 Caption #489

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:18 Caption #793

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:16 Caption #745

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:15 Caption #470

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:14 Caption #719

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:13 Caption #466

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:11 Caption #395

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:10 Caption #285

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:09 Caption #535

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:08 Caption #170

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:07 Caption #541

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:06 Caption #462

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:05 Caption #177

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:04 Caption #24

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:03 Caption #910

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:02 Caption #472

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:05:01 Caption #533

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:58 Caption #93

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:53 Caption #241

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:52 Caption #296

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:51 Caption #557

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:50 Caption #959

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:49 Caption #464

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:48 Caption #626

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:44 Caption #108

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:42 Caption #55

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:41 Caption #638

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:40 Caption #209

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:39 Caption #254

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:38 Caption #109

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:37 Caption #382

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:36 Caption #214

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:35 Caption #438

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:34 Caption #288

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:33 Caption #39

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:32 Caption #13

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:30 Caption #726

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:28 Caption #0

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:27 Caption #194

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:26 Caption #106

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:21 Caption #672

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:20 Caption #40

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:19 Caption #395

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:18 Caption #22

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:17 Caption #515

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:16 Caption #202

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:15 Caption #98

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:14 Caption #427

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:13 Caption #341

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:12 Caption #169

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:11 Caption #364

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:10 Caption #637

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:08 Caption #81

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:07 Caption #616

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:06 Caption #418

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:04 Caption #803

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:03 Caption #146

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:02 Caption #7

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:04:01 Caption #640

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:58 Caption #600

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:57 Caption #6

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:56 Caption #24

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:55 Caption #253

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:54 Caption #124

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:53 Caption #1

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:52 Caption #0

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:51 Caption #15

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:50 Caption #49

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:49 Caption #404

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:48 Caption #677

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:43 Caption #579

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:41 Caption #81

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:37 Caption #176

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:36 Caption #198

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:35 Caption #368

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:31 Caption #634

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:30 Caption #279

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:29 Caption #927

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:28 Caption #154

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:24 Caption #778

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:22 Caption #789

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:21 Caption #191

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:20 Caption #496

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:19 Caption #263

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:18 Caption #505

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:17 Caption #690

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:16 Caption #253

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:15 Caption #14

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:14 Caption #142

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:13 Caption #509

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:12 Caption #255

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:11 Caption #312

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:06 Caption #781

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:05 Caption #697

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:04 Caption #160

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:01 Caption #2

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:03:00 Caption #25

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:59 Caption #498

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:58 Caption #347

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:57 Caption #152

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:56 Caption #116

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:55 Caption #0

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:54 Caption #71

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:53 Caption #75

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:52 Caption #10

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:51 Caption #694

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:50 Caption #761

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:49 Caption #515

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:48 Caption #378

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:46 Caption #235

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:42 Caption #756

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:41 Caption #697

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:38 Caption #-26

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:33 Caption #505

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:32 Caption #718

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:30 Caption #143

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:29 Caption #22

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:28 Caption #252

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:27 Caption #0

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:26 Caption #406

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:25 Caption #0

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:24 Caption #791

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:23 Caption #545

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:22 Caption #17

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:21 Caption #332

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:19 Caption #363

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:18 Caption #667

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:17 Caption #6

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:16 Caption #76

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:15 Caption #1

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:14 Caption #80

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:13 Caption #83

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:12 Caption #227

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:11 Caption #574

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:10 Caption #417

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:09 Caption #31

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:08 Caption #7

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:03 Caption #794

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:01 Caption #4

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:02:00 Caption #74

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:59 Caption #876

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:58 Caption #638

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:57 Caption #468

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:56 Main Page

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:55 Caption #191

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:54 Caption #190

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:53 Caption #3

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:52 Caption #831

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:51 Caption #6

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:50 Caption #7

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:49 Caption #97

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:48 Caption #4

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:46 Caption #751

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:45 Caption #923

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:41 Caption #732

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:38 Main Page

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:35 Caption #543

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:31 Caption #795

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:30 Caption #358

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:26 Caption #783

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:18 Caption #604

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:16 Caption #678

Mr. Noname Lurker 23:01:15 Caption #451

Board

[Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.

There are 19 messages for this day.

<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?

<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.

<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....

<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing

<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.

<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?

<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!

<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...

<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.

<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?

<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)

<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.

<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.

<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.

<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.

<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.

<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.

Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post