[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 03/08/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

A black van with dark tinted windows,

picked up a few ladies showing their wares --

this is how porn stars are born.


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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Board [Post Message]

Some one please write a good Arnie caption, it's too hot right now to write anything funny. I just want to get naked and lie down in the cold meat section of our local deli. This is where I was meant to make a bratwurst joke, but again it is hot like Havana here.

Some days I wish I could just give it all up and do something inane, like sell vacuum cleaners, but I know life would always step in and become complex again.

I wish I could just say simple things like:

"Here, you see, you get two sets of brushes -- this one for waxing and this for polishing -- oh no, I think it's the other way round. The Turbo is air-powered."

But life would conspire to trip me up, and I'd end up playing checkers with miniature whiskey bottles with the local police captain, trying to get him drunk to steal his gun and his list of the usual suspects.

Not even the life of a vacuum cleaner salesman is straight forward, remember that the next time go back to complain about the snap-action coupling.

There are 35 messages for this day.
<David Byrden> You promised to refuse any disturbing pictures!!!
<Lauren> I see soneone read Our Man in Havana! Great book. Thanks for reminding me.
<3Suns> My parents still own and use that very vacuum cleaner. It is an amazing feat of reliable American engineering.
<guyPaulo> It's certainly quiet around here today.
<Mort> Well lets play a game and liven things up.
<guyPaulo> Canasta? Twister? Battleship?
<Jellyloo> Chinese Water Torture. A hit at children's parties!
<Mort> What are the rules? Can we play over the internet?
<Jellyloo> It is complicated. Do you have a cordless drill?
<Mort> Yes in fact I do! What do I do now?
<Jellyloo> How familiar are you with trepanation? Also, Big Gulp cup modification?
<Mort> I normally use a 6" nail for those purposes, you can play my head like an oboe.
<guyPaulo> I'm thinking of a number between 1-100.....care to guess?
<Jellyloo> 67?
<Mort> 31.13819198142242245?
<Mort> I was trying to think of a way to play eyespy using the google image server.

But I can't work out the rules.

<yoyology> I spy, with my little eye, something you search under Mort (Safe Search is Off).
<Mort> ...www.nyctale.com... ?
<yoyology> Dear merciful heavens. No!

That's incredibly disturbing. I only looked at the first page of results.

<Stormi> My, Mort, you might consider dropping the Atkins Diet if that's all that's left of you.
<Jellyloo> Bone daddy. I spy with my little eye something of the color red...
<Mort> There are quite a few red things on the internet Jellyloo.
<Jellyloo> YOU FOUND IT!!! 10 points to Slytherin.
<Mort> 10 points from Gryffindor for sillyness.
<guyPaulo> {english accent}That's absolutely dreadfull!
<ElvisThePelvis> Oh Christ NO!!!


<Mort> I think I prefer the german Elvis, can we swap?
<ElvisThePelvis> Das deutsche ElvisThePelvis glaubt nicht, an zu untertiteln. Ich bin ein aufrecht stehender deutscher Bürger und ein Künstler.
<obtuse> ...www.obtuse.nl...
My Netherlandic variant may very well rock more than I do. SPEED TO THE LIMIT!
<mypalmike> ...www.allposterz.com...
<mypalmike> The phrase "my pal mike" can actually be found on this page. Milf hunter...
<doomglobe> hey mort how come you never come to wigu anymore did you die or go to jail or have children?
<Mort> Isn't death, jail and having children the same thing?

I read, I do not take part.

<doomglobe> hey mort how come you never come to wigu anymore did you die or go to jail or have children?
<doomglobe> oops sorry that was a refresh. yeah, they are pretty much the same, I was just curious about why you skipped e-town. best of luck to you!

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