[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)
Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 319 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:56Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:55Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:54Caption #596
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:53Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:52Caption #511
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:51Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:50Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:49Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:48Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:47Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:46Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:45Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:44Caption #785
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:42Caption #874
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:39Caption #597
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:38Caption #363
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:30Caption #873
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:29Caption #442
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:24Caption #567
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:23Caption #160
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:22Caption #197
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:20Caption #599
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:18Caption #903
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:16Caption #736
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:15Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:14Caption #615
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:11Caption #584
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:10Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:09Caption #596
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:03Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:02Caption #602
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:01Caption #882
Mr. NonameLurker23:03:00Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:59Caption #656
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:58Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:51Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:48Caption #659
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:44Caption #412
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:43Caption #927
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:40Caption #676
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:39Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:38Caption #383
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:37Caption #311
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:34Caption #126
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:32Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:30Caption #353
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:29Caption #949
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:23Caption #649
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:19Caption #114
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:18Caption #-15
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:16Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:15Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:12Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:09Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:08Caption #639
Mr. NonameLurker23:02:04Caption #686
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:57Caption #810
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:56Caption #843
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:54Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:52Caption #880
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:49Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:48Caption #276
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:47Caption #288
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:46Caption #180
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:45Caption #568
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:38Caption #19
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:37Caption #75
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:36Caption #137
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:33Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:32Caption #306
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:31Caption #94
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:30Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:28Caption #466
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:25Caption #376
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:24Caption #402
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:23Caption #395
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:21Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:19Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:18Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:15Caption #275
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:14Caption #481
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:07Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:06Caption #414
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:05Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:04Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:03Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:02Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:01Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker23:01:00Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:59Caption #458
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:58Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:57Caption #443
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:56Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:55Caption #172
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:54Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:51Caption #194
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:45Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:44Caption #493
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:43Caption #779
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:42Caption #78
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:40Caption #493
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:38Caption #726
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:34Caption #540
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:32Caption #155
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:31Caption #392
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:30Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:29Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:26Caption #312
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:24Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:19Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:18Caption #787
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:14Caption #-85
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:10Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:09Caption #167
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:08Caption #119
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:07Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:05Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:04Caption #528
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:03Caption #28
Mr. NonameLurker23:00:00Caption #-52
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:58Caption #595
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:55Caption #938
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:52Caption #437
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:48Caption #656
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:47Caption #984
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:46Caption #770
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:45Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:44Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:39Caption #497
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:38Caption #153
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:36Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:35Caption #220
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:33Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:31Caption #-6
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:30Caption #776
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:28Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:27Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:26Caption #621
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:25Caption #308
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:24Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:23Caption #433
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:22Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:21Caption #179
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:20Caption #872
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:19Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:18Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:16Caption #685
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:15Caption #656
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:10Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:08Caption #564
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:07Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:06Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:04Caption #562
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:03Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:02Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:01Caption #75
Mr. NonameLurker22:59:00Caption #521
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:58Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:54Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:51Caption #959
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:50Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:44Caption #152
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:43Caption #672
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:42Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:40Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:35Caption #644
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:34Caption #651
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:32Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:25Caption #905
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:22Caption #928
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:20Caption #221
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:18Caption #783
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:17Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:16Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:14Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:11Caption #95
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:10Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:09Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:07Caption #79
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:05Caption #99
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:04Caption #253
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:03Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:01Caption #479
Mr. NonameLurker22:58:00Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:59Caption #133
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:58Caption #95
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:56Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:55Caption #718
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:53Caption #263
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:52Caption #246
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:51Caption #195
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:49Caption #351
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:48Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:46Caption #725
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:45Caption #805
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:43Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:39Caption #230
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:38Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:37Caption #872
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:35Caption #651
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:34Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:33Caption #235
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:27Caption #216
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:20Caption #448
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:16Caption #764
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:15Caption #358
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:08Caption #656
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:07Caption #562
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:05Caption #276
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:04Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:03Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:01Caption #672
Mr. NonameLurker22:57:00Caption #130
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:59Caption #372
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:58Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:57Caption #126
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:56Caption #639
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:54Caption #687
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:50Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:49Caption #562
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:46Caption #154
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:44Caption #596
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:43Caption #394
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:41Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:40Caption #380
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:39Caption #682
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:38Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:37Caption #257
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:36Caption #462
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:35Caption #365
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:34Caption #881
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:32Caption #47
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:31Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:28Caption #914
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:25Caption #219
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:24Caption #31
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:21Caption #821
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:19Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:17Caption #66
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:15Caption #97
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:12Caption #924
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:10Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:08Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:05Caption #482
Mr. NonameLurker22:56:01Caption #778
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:58Caption #619
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:55Caption #285
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:54Caption #32
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:53Caption #482
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:51Caption #383
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:49Caption #869
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:45Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:42Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:37Caption #347
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:36Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:35Caption #481
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:34Caption #763
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:33Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:32Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:31Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:27Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:26Caption #107
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:25Caption #615
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:24Caption #914
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:23Caption #690
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:20Caption #33
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:14Caption #511
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:14Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:10Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:09Caption #319
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:07Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:06Caption #62
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:03Caption #733
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:02Caption #229
Mr. NonameLurker22:55:01Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:59Caption #184
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:58Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:57Caption #186
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:55Caption #99
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:54Caption #525
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:53Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:52Caption #459
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:51Caption #488
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:49Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:44Caption #46
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:43Caption #300
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:41Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:40Caption #838
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:37Caption #448
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:36Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:35Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:34Caption #238
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:33Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:32Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:31Caption #562
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:30Caption #663
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:29Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:28Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:27Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:26Caption #954
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:25Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:18Caption #649
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:17Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:16Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:14Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:13Caption #925
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:12Caption #-33
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:11Caption #-64
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:10Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:09Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:08Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:07Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:06Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:05Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:04Caption #669
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:03Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:02Caption #798
Mr. NonameLurker22:54:00Caption #227
Mr. NonameLurker22:53:56Caption #218

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.

There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post