[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)
Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 235 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:03Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:02Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:01Caption #511
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:00Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:59Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:58Caption #746
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:57Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:56Caption #56
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:55Caption #458
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:54Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:53Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:52Caption #355
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:51Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:50Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:49Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:48Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:47Caption #181
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:43Caption #312
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:34Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:31Caption #25
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:29Caption #345
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:28Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:26Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:22Caption #281
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:13Caption #81
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:11Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:06Caption #55
Mr. NonameLurker00:30:05Caption #429
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:55Caption #591
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:53Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:50Caption #294
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:47Caption #335
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:46Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:44Caption #82
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:38Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:36Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:32Caption #187
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:25Caption #389
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:24Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:22Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:20Caption #699
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:17Caption #774
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:14Caption #415
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:13Caption #-33
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:06Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:04Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:03Caption #757
Mr. NonameLurker00:29:00Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:57Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:51Caption #640
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:48Caption #240
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:46Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:44Caption #110
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:43Caption #760
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:40Caption #856
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:39Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:38Caption #969
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:33Caption #753
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:32Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:30Caption #506
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:29Caption #333
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:26Caption #306
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:22Caption #271
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:19Caption #534
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:15Caption #157
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:10Caption #415
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:08Caption #-59
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:06Caption #237
Mr. NonameLurker00:28:04Caption #273
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:59Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:56Caption #920
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:54Caption #720
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:52Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:51Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:50Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:49Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:48Caption #724
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:47Caption #616
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:45Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:43Caption #-5
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:39Caption #885
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:37Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:35Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:34Caption #542
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:33Caption #217
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:32Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:27Caption #715
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:23Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:18Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:16Caption #766
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:15Caption #949
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:14Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:13Caption #66
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:11Caption #947
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:08Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:07Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker00:27:02Caption #970
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:54Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:50Caption #263
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:44Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:42Caption #824
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:39Caption #-61
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:36Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:33Caption #35
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:26Caption #107
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:25Caption #740
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:21Caption #224
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:19Caption #770
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:07Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:06Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:05Caption #550
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:04Caption #216
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:02Caption #414
Mr. NonameLurker00:26:00Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:59Caption #879
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:57Caption #396
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:56Caption #979
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:54Caption #211
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:48Caption #333
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:45Caption #414
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:44Caption #348
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:43Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:35Caption #718
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:34Caption #336
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:31Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:29Caption #515
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:24Caption #494
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:20Caption #212
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:19Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:18Caption #41
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:15Caption #249
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:14Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:11Caption #484
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:09Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:08Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:05Caption #616
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:04Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:03Caption #856
Mr. NonameLurker00:25:00Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:59Caption #667
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:55Caption #975
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:52Caption #469
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:43Caption #635
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:41Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:37Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:33Caption #560
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:29Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:28Caption #112
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:25Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:23Caption #19
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:22Caption #560
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:18Caption #607
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:15Caption #645
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:13Caption #260
Mr. NonameLurker00:24:02Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:58Caption #408
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:55Caption #448
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:53Caption #294
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:52Caption #96
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:51Caption #418
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:47Caption #23
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:46Caption #192
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:45Caption #732
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:44Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:38Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:37Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:36Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:35Caption #617
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:32Caption #147
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:31Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:29Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:28Caption #781
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:27Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:26Caption #745
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:22Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:21Caption #975
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:13Caption #941
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:08Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:06Caption #558
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:03Caption #885
Mr. NonameLurker00:23:01Caption #298
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:58Caption #306
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:51Caption #786
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:50Caption #259
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:46Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:42Caption #321
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:40Caption #761
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:39Caption #419
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:36Caption #354
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:34Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:31Caption #803
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:30Caption #266
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:29Caption #234
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:25Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:24Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:21Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:18Caption #267
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:16Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:15Caption #359
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:04Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:02Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker00:22:00Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:58Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:57Caption #806
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:56Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:55Caption #114
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:53Caption #703
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:52Caption #788
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:50Caption #173
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:49Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:48Caption #195
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:46Caption #84
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:45Caption #41
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:43Caption #312
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:38Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:33Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:32Caption #412
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:31Caption #983
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:30Caption #703
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:29Caption #674
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:28Caption #56
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:26Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:25Caption #791
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:24Caption #316
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:23Caption #549
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:21Caption #889
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:20Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:19Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:15Caption #817
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:13Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:12Caption #599
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:10Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:09Caption #234
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:04Caption #185
Mr. NonameLurker00:21:03Caption #573

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.

There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post