[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 290 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:47Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:46Caption #126
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:45Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:44Caption #779
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:43Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:42Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:41Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:40Caption #-38
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:39Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:37Caption #860
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:36Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:35Caption #874
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:33Caption #640
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:32Caption #461
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:31Caption #314
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:30Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:29Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:28Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:27Caption #608
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:24Caption #797
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:23Caption #291
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:22Caption #790
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:21Caption #179
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:20Caption #228
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:19Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:18Caption #771
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:17Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:16Caption #298
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:15Caption #402
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:14Caption #397
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:13Caption #561
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:12Caption #441
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:09Caption #621
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:07Caption #587
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:05Caption #569
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:04Caption #257
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:03Caption #141
Mr. NonameLurker10:26:01Caption #28
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:59Caption #555
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:58Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:57Caption #246
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:56Caption #437
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:55Caption #182
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:53Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:51Caption #136
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:50Caption #491
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:49Caption #569
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:48Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:47Caption #442
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:46Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:44Caption #801
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:43Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:42Caption #866
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:41Caption #795
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:40Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:38Caption #640
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:36Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:34Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:33Caption #905
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:31Caption #797
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:30Caption #295
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:29Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:27Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:26Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:25Caption #374
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:24Caption #597
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:23Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:23Caption #371
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:21Caption #157
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:20Caption #643
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:19Caption #106
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:18Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:17Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:16Caption #-54
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:15Caption #467
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:14Caption #599
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:13Caption #518
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:12Caption #390
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:11Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:10Caption #531
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:08Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:06Caption #-4
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:05Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:04Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:03Caption #588
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:02Caption #267
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:01Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker10:25:00Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:59Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:58Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:57Caption #485
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:56Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:55Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:54Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:53Caption #300
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:51Caption #235
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:50Caption #161
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:49Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:48Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:45Caption #692
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:44Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:43Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:42Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:41Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:40Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:39Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:38Caption #666
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:37Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:36Caption #699
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:35Caption #-37
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:34Caption #434
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:33Caption #267
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:32Caption #298
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:31Caption #119
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:30Caption #195
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:29Caption #317
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:28Caption #426
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:27Caption #246
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:25Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:23Caption #727
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:22Caption #530
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:21Caption #592
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:20Caption #399
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:19Caption #433
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:18Caption #941
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:17Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:16Caption #749
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:15Caption #635
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:13Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:12Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:11Caption #112
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:09Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:08Caption #316
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:06Caption #205
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:04Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:03Caption #250
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:02Caption #645
Mr. NonameLurker10:24:00Caption #252
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:58Caption #488
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:57Caption #530
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:56Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:55Caption #775
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:54Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:53Caption #387
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:52Caption #302
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:51Caption #35
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:50Caption #739
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:49Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:48Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:47Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:46Caption #460
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:45Caption #47
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:44Caption #841
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:43Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:42Caption #295
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:41Caption #247
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:40Caption #275
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:39Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:38Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:35Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:34Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:32Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:31Caption #214
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:29Caption #59
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:28Caption #90
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:27Caption #155
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:26Caption #602
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:25Caption #601
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:24Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:23Caption #90
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:22Caption #566
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:21Caption #665
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:20Caption #866
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:19Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:18Caption #317
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:17Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:15Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:14Caption #355
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:13Caption #460
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:12Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:10Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:08Caption #423
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:06Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker10:23:00Caption #385
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:57Caption #703
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:56Caption #638
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:55Caption #726
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:54Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:53Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:52Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:51Caption #663
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:50Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:49Caption #735
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:48Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:47Caption #121
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:46Caption #229
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:45Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:44Caption #257
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:43Caption #615
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:42Caption #622
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:41Caption #633
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:40Caption #144
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:39Caption #577
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:38Caption #697
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:37Caption #608
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:36Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:35Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:34Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:33Caption #76
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:32Caption #859
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:31Caption #515
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:30Caption #308
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:29Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:28Caption #166
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:26Caption #219
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:24Caption #210
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:23Caption #214
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:22Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:21Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:20Caption #798
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:19Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:16Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:14Caption #178
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:12Caption #234
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:09Caption #834
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:08Caption #68
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:04Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:02Caption #540
Mr. NonameLurker10:22:00Caption #183
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:57Caption #360
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:53Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:52Caption #760
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:51Caption #234
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:50Caption #19
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:48Caption #43
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:47Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:46Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:45Caption #259
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:40Caption #428
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:39Caption #246
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:36Caption #487
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:35Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:34Caption #894
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:33Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:32Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:31Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:30Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:29Caption #462
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:28Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:25Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:24Caption #344
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:18Caption #753
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:16Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:12Caption #469
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:09Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:08Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:07Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:06Caption #942
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:05Caption #522
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:03Caption #860
Mr. NonameLurker10:21:00Caption #232
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:58Caption #721
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:57Caption #141
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:56Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:55Caption #693
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:48Caption #335
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:47Caption #725
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:46Caption #680
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:45Caption #808
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:44Caption #373
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:39Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:38Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:37Caption #266
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:36Caption #403
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:32Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:31Caption #836
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:29Caption #429
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:28Caption #130
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:27Caption #923
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:24Caption #467
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:21Caption #676
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:20Caption #408
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:17Caption #442
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:16Caption #164
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:15Caption #928
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:14Caption #366
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:12Caption #218
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:08Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:05Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker10:20:04Caption #684

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.


There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post