[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - WHAT I DID OVER THE WEEKEND DAY - 03/14/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

What I did over the weekend by Mort
I spent my day like I spend most of my free days: at the botanical gardens.
The gardener Ulga -- her foul hygine was only surpassed by her gardening prowess -- asked if flowers reminded me of women's parts.

I replied that I had never actually had the chance to view a woman's 'private region'.
She laughed and dragged me heavily to the shadows behind the potting shed. I stood, my mouth agape, as she lifted up her rough skirt and showed me beneath. 'First you must rid me of my pests.' she said.
I grimaced as I plucked mites one by one from their hairy nest, and squashed their heads between my fingers.

I spent the rest of the weekend trying to coax a family of apes out of her ass.
(AP)
(AP)
(Reuters)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 324 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:07Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:06Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:05Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:04Caption #793
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:03Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:02Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:00Caption #132
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:56Caption #153
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:53Caption #503
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:52Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:49Caption #408
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:48Caption #302
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:47Caption #848
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:45Caption #840
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:44Caption #919
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:43Caption #89
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:41Caption #-13
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:40Caption #296
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:39Caption #-27
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:39Caption #-24
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:37Caption #639
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:36Caption #-50
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:35Caption #177
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:34Caption #163
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:33Caption #778
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:32Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:31Caption #19
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:30Caption #739
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:28Caption #867
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:27Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:26Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:25Caption #411
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:24Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:22Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:20Caption #798
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:18Caption #583
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:17Caption #547
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:16Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:15Caption #522
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:14Caption #-31
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:13Caption #946
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:12Caption #-5
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:11Caption #-29
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:10Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:09Caption #169
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:08Caption #-30
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:07Caption #-21
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:06Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:05Caption #569
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:04Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:03Caption #363
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:02Caption #289
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:01Caption #-64
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:00Caption #-9
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:56Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:55Caption #483
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:52Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:50Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:48Caption #304
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:45Caption #460
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:42Caption #869
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:41Caption #939
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:40Caption #627
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:37Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:36Caption #674
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:34Caption #127
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:32Caption #809
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:31Caption #654
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:28Caption #698
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:27Caption #814
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:26Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:25Caption #-7
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:24Caption #550
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:23Caption #-33
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:21Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:19Caption #780
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:18Caption #530
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:17Caption #846
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:16Caption #240
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:15Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:14Caption #305
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:13Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:12Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:10Caption #629
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:08Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:07Caption #382
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:04Caption #644
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:00Caption #430
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:56Caption #630
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:55Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:54Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:53Caption #418
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:52Caption #560
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:51Caption #813
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:49Caption #694
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:48Caption #171
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:47Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:46Caption #102
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:45Caption #520
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:44Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:43Caption #311
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:41Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:40Caption #818
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:39Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:37Caption #860
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:35Caption #244
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:34Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:33Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:32Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:31Caption #291
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:30Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:29Caption #737
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:29Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:26Caption #897
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:25Caption #141
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:24Caption #719
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:22Caption #621
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:20Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:19Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:17Caption #819
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:16Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:15Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:12Caption #559
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:11Caption #277
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:10Caption #630
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:09Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:08Caption #543
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:07Caption #300
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:06Caption #550
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:05Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:04Caption #59
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:02Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:01Caption #587
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:00Caption #756
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:59Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:58Caption #285
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:57Caption #278
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:56Caption #550
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:55Caption #173
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:54Caption #394
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:52Caption #394
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:51Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:50Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:49Caption #313
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:48Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:47Caption #564
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:46Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:45Caption #217
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:42Caption #408
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:41Caption #730
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:40Caption #398
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:37Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:36Caption #768
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:35Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:32Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:30Caption #809
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:28Caption #514
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:27Caption #-85
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:25Caption #818
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:24Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:21Caption #684
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:19Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:17Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:16Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:15Caption #248
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:13Caption #162
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:10Caption #428
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:09Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:08Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:07Caption #888
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:06Caption #153
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:05Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:03Caption #272
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:01Caption #254
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:59Caption #989
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:58Caption #927
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:57Caption #153
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:56Caption #538
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:55Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:52Caption #457
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:51Caption #576
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:50Caption #399
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:49Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:48Caption #336
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:47Caption #557
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:46Caption #494
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:45Caption #813
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:43Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:41Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:40Caption #442
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:39Caption #533
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:38Caption #317
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:37Caption #696
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:36Caption #245
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:35Caption #772
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:34Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:33Caption #413
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:31Caption #374
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:30Caption #426
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:29Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:25Caption #561
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:22Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:21Caption #830
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:20Caption #66
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:20Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:18Caption #592
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:18Caption #298
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:16Caption #267
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:15Caption #631
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:14Caption #556
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:13Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:12Caption #973
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:11Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:09Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:08Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:05Caption #771
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:04Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:03Caption #845
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:02Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker04:20:00Caption #637
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:59Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:58Caption #825
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:57Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:56Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:55Caption #567
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:54Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:53Caption #210
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:50Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:49Caption #569
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:48Caption #361
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:47Caption #132
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:46Caption #617
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:45Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:44Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:43Caption #218
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:42Caption #759
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:41Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:40Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:39Caption #664
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:38Caption #810
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:37Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:36Caption #510
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:35Caption #397
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:34Caption #795
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:32Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:30Caption #348
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:28Caption #990
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:25Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:23Caption #101
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:20Caption #697
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:18Caption #452
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:16Caption #199
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:12Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:10Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:07Caption #338
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:06Caption #865
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:05Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:04Caption #507
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:03Caption #133
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:02Caption #321
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:01Caption #515
Mr. NonameLurker04:19:00Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:58Caption #460
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:56Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:55Caption #89
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:53Caption #892
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:52Caption #775
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:51Caption #663
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:50Caption #185
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:49Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:48Caption #908
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:46Caption #834
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:45Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:44Caption #885
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:43Caption #728
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:42Caption #891
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:40Caption #237
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:38Caption #903
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:37Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:36Caption #762
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:35Caption #147
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:34Caption #377
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:33Caption #909
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:32Caption #221
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:31Caption #757
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:30Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:29Caption #462
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:28Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:26Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:24Caption #2
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:23Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:22Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:21Caption #522
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:20Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:19Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:14Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:11Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:10Caption #350
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:09Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:08Caption #383
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:05Caption #602
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:04Caption #748
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:03Caption #928
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:02Caption #622
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:01Caption #480
Mr. NonameLurker04:18:00Caption #400
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:59Caption #701
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:58Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:57Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:56Caption #487
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:55Caption #734
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:54Caption #167
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:53Caption #838
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:52Caption #563
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:51Caption #602
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:50Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:49Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:46Caption #724
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:45Caption #338
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:44Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:42Caption #538
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:41Caption #534
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:40Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker04:17:39Caption #127

Board [Post Message]

As you might have noticed: I have switched the theme day from Thursday to Monday, to better balance the week. If you are confused, let me remind you that today is Monday and not Thursday, although I wish it was not so...

The object of this theme: Write about your weekend in such a way to match the images and hopefully entertain.

What actually happened this weekend.

It's odd that a voice, or a word said in certain way, can bring back memories quicker than anything else. You hear a familar voice across a crowded room, someone you have not heard in years; and the feelings you had at your last meeting come back to you like a deep unstoppable current.

This weekend it happened to me. The format was a dream: A telephone rang twice, I picked it up, she asked "hello?", I answered "hi", then a meaninful silence that lasted a minute before waking me up.

I shook it off, pushed back the feeling and the memories that the sound of her voice in my dream invoked. In the morning I woke to the sounds of an actual phone ringing, just like my dream I picked it up and asked "Hello?". Just like my dream: silence. This time I could nothing to stop the painful memories and emotions, from spreading like jaundice from the blight buried deep within my kidney.

It was a weekend, like this one past, but two years ago. Driving home at night, she fed me chocolate covered Poki that we had just bought from the Japanese supermarket. She was wearing the thick, woolen, white sweater that I had just bought her from the gap, singing along to The Smiths: girlfriend in a coma, which had just started to play on the radio.

My memory then becomes a slideshow, bright shots etched in forever with nothing in between: A dog running in the street, her hand pointing, my white knuckles on the wheel, the pole. Then just voices, audio catching up with the video: "breathe into the mask", "we're going to take her out first", "try to stay calm", "bring the cutters here".

Then I remember waking up deathly cold, shaking. With blurred vision I recognized the inside of an ambulance, the shaking was not me but the ambulance rushing through the streets to it's destination. I looked to my left and saw someone else in the other cot. I was a stranger, she wore a red sweater and had white hair. I wondered if I had hit her with my car, I thought it was strange that she should be in the same ambulance as me.

"Your girlfriends in a coma", the ambulance man said when he noticed my eyes were open.

"She's not my girlfriend!" I replied curtly. I looked back at her again, my eyes seeing clearly now, her hair was not white it was bandages, and her sweater was not red, it was soaked with blood -- her blood. "She's my wife." I stammered before passing out.

When I came around again I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. I looked again to my left, through the double doors of the emergency room I saw my wife lying on a cart, all alone. I wondered why they were bothering so much with me, when she was more obviously hurt. I began to ask them to leave me alone and attend to her instead, but a nurse put a mask over my face and a doctor said "take him to OR".

When I woke I was in a recovery room, a surgeon was reading my chart, and talking to me like I could understand. He told me I had been very lucky, that I should have died, that they had to remove both of my kidneys, that I had a very rare blood type, that I was fortunate that they had found a donor that could give me a kidney and three pints of blood. I asked him about my wife, he said he was sorry but she had passed away as soon as she reached the hospital. I became angry, I told him that I was sorry they had let me live. He replied that it was my wife that had let me live, it was she who carried the donor card, it was her kidneys that were now in my body.

This is why her voice even in a dream affects me so, she is part of me now, I have no chance of letting her go.


There are 19 messages for this day.
<Eggs Ackley> How about Mort's Now Gone Totally Mental Day?
<Mark> I recommend Scotch. Seriously.
<Mark> I just read Mort's entry on the pics.

I think I'm going to have the Scotch now ..

<guyPaulo> I'm having a hard time with these photo's today....
<Pedro Gonzales> It's a tranquil monday here today, very quiet. Pretty relaxing
<Mort> Oops sorry, must stop huffing Kool-Aid.
<Kumiho> Um... does this mean Mrs. Mort (aka Morticia) is no more?
<Kumiho> Hey Lauren, here's your chance!
<guyPaulo> I hope this photo is on MEP tomorrow:
...story.news.yahoo.com...
<Mort> I hope this one does more:
...us.news2.yimg.com...
Morticia is very well thank you very much, it's just a story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblence to real persons, past of present, is purely coincidental.
<guyPaulo> "You hope"? I thought YOU were the cruel overlord who dictates the context of our lives by judiciously selecting the photos to put up here, Mort. Are you telling us that someone else is really pullings the strings behind the MEP curtain?
<Cookieus Hackus> Really, I get up pretty early (eastern USA time) and the photo selection here usually bears little to no resemblance to the actual top 3 at yahoo, so I always assumed there was a lot of lattitude in the selection process. :)
<Mort> There is a whole day's lattitude with the selection of the photos. I also try to cut down the number of duplicates now.
<Cookieus Hackus> I wasn't complaining, BTW. It's always interesting to see what ones make the cut.
<Kumiho> I thank you for the reduced number of repeats myself.
<Mort> I think I messed up the 3rd image today. There is a subtle art to picking the right images, I am on the cusp of understanding.
<guyPaulo> If I might venture a guess Mort, I think that the combination of a theme day with the very specific nature of the first two photos led to a slow day so far today. Its hard to write about what you did over the weekend involving a plant and a bat. We can always throw in a "monkie" joke at the end, so I don't think the 3rd photo was the problem.
<obtuse> Theme day + similar images = difficult

Even without theme day, three images with similarity (nature) doesn't leave much room for creative improvisation.

<Kumiho> eh, it's only hard to write captions if you haven't got at least one pix of a half naked chick/beefcake.


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post