The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.

These 5 things happened most recently.

Mr. Noname	Lurker	06:44:49	Scrawled on the board
Mr. Noname	Lurker	19:25:25	Scrawled on the board
apple juice is a verb	Caption Monkie	18:02:57	Alternatiphized #23
Mr. Noname	Lurker	23:59:00	drooled over #3
Mr. Noname	Lurker	23:55:29	drooled over #32

There have been 62 users in the last 10 minutes.

Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:48	Main Page
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:45	Caption #621
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:42	Caption #252
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:40	Main Page
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:38	Caption #12
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:37	Caption #583
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:33	Main Page
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:30	Main Page
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:26	Caption #559
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:23	Caption #316
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:19	Caption #552
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:16	Main Page
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:12	Caption #6
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:08	Main Page
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:05	Caption #11
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:29:01	Caption #263
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:28:26	Caption #618
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:28:21	Main Page
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:27:56	Caption #9
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:27:13	Caption #9
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:27:03	Caption #34
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:26:28	Caption #666
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:26:27	Caption #683
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:26:17	Caption #240
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:26:16	Caption #2
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:26:13	Caption #558
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:49	Caption #334
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:40	Caption #590
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:30	Caption #360
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:24	Caption #396
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:18	Caption #547
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:16	Caption #153
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:15	Caption #102
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:11	Caption #752
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:25:06	Caption #12
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:24:59	Caption #10
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:24:53	Caption #262
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:24:46	Caption #434
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:23:57	Caption #548
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:23:53	Caption #401
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:23:44	Caption #243
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:23:38	Caption #439
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:23:27	Caption #622
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:23:26	Caption #712
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:22:39	Caption #1
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:22:32	Caption #19
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:22:30	Caption #8
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:22:21	Caption #878
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:21:48	Caption #6
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:21:34	Caption #118
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:21:30	Caption #592
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:47	Caption #155
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:36	Caption #12
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:32	Caption #403
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:29	Caption #17
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:28	Caption #778
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:19	Caption #390
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:18	Caption #9
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:14	Caption #204
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:20:04	Caption #360
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:19:57	Caption #6
Mr. Noname	Lurker	04:19:52	Main Page

I hate Mondays, I suck on Mondays.

We go to the laundromat so infrequently. We prefer to save up our vast deposits of dirty clothes for a rainy day. I get bored there, I can never find an internet hook-up, no matter how long I stare at the vibrating, spinning turbulence of the tumble driers.

The one thing I do enjoy is watching the varied vagrants that frequent the mecca of quarters and detergent:

The huge bulk of the Samoan man and his tiny wife. He moved aside unapologetically, yet serenely after blocking the whole aisle.

The many Latino women spending hours each week doing the same thing, going alone to the laundromat, washing clothes for the whole extending family.

"Is that a girl or a boy?" We ask each other.
Camouflage pants -- boy. Shapeless green shirt with slight bulges -- girl. Long, dark, full hair -- girl. Silly looking hat perched haphazardly -- boy. The face? Either very pretty boy, or strong jawed girl -- no help there. The hands always tell the truth, and the hands said boy... finally!

The one person that drew most of my attention (except for the girl who seemed to be washing only tiny lace bras and thongs, I wondered about her occupation), was the man. He was ordinary, he was normal, he was average in every way except for weight, in that respect he was above average for California. Although about average for the Mid West, where I suspected he orginated from. It was an easy assumption if you looked at what he wore: turtle neck shirt under a blue button-up shirt, a black plastic jacket which I just knew he wished was leather, faded light jeans and dirty white basketball shoes. This man needed help!

He looked to be in his 50s, a single white, middle-aged man alone in a laundromat. I couldn't think of anything more lonely than that. He wore no wedding ring, the car he drove looked like the same Buick he first came to California in, maybe twenty five years before.

I began to pity him, I began to make up stories about his sad long life. He used his cell phone, I guessed to check on messages that never came. I began to wonder if things had gone differently for me, that I might have become that man. My pity for him was being fueled by the fear I have, that I might at heart be normal.

Later on my impression of him changed, I saw his laundry, all of it hospital scrubs. I altered the image of him in my mind into a brave hero, sacrificing his life and happiness to save the lives of hundreds of sick children.

My mind is a fickle thing.

If you've never read any of P.L. Travers' Mary Poppins books, I highly recommend them. I have no complaint about the film at all, but the books have a special charm of their own.

Oh god! It feels so good to have that off my chest!

...www.phoenixnewtimes.com...

Post message:

Name:

Message: Click the monkey to post