[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos CRASS DAY! - 02/18/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Dastardly Black Holes are destroying our universe!

As we speak they are Sucking up important matter for their own devious means.

The Black Holes are destroying everything precious!

No one is safe!

"Dude settle down! I'm just searching for your black hole!"


The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


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Mr. NonameLurker23:59:00drooled over #3
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Board [Post Message]

"You're not funny anymore!" She said disapprovingly, "You just make crass jokes."

Well I guess I should make it CRASS DAY then. We're all adults here, right? Well not emotionally, but in years we are.

I was going to do a different theme day, a competition of sorts, but heck whats wrong with a bit of "lower" humour?

Everyone is so prudish, uptight and politically correct these days. Lets bring an end to the reign of conservatism. The fight starts here.

Vote for the MEP party in 2004!

Oops, sorry for that weird tangent there, I got kinda excited.

There are 51 messages for this day.
<David Byrden> OK. If the 3:30am experiment goes well, I will make later appearances. So, anyone on the West Coast: I'll be bottom center, leaning over the bridge with a yellow bag.


<David Byrden> My second appearance will be at 1am EST. But I'll be offline until 3am EST.
<MLimburg> If anyone finds him, make sure you grab a screen cap :)
<MLimburg> Well, I finally found a picture of me on my machine .. so I guess my orkut profile is now complete.
<mypalmike> Isn't every day really "crass day"?
<infosponge> it must be nice, being in that elite circle of orkut-ians.
<mypalmike> Info, I can invite you. Just email me at misscleocallmenow at yahoo. (Hey, it's my 3rd tier "spamfest" email account).
<Pedro Gonzales> I'm sure glad I read over the board again. I was going to write a nice caption about cress and other such salad plants. That woulda been embarassing...
<guyPaulo> Oh man, "CRASS DAY", also known as "Thursday" for me and Elvis.
<ElvisThePelvis> Yes, indeed.
<Pedro Gonzales> Crass Day has brought out the best in everyone- MEP gets my vote in '04 Mort
<yoyology> Just to make sure we're clear, dictionary.com has this definition of "crass":

So crude and unrefined as to be lacking in discrimination and sensibility.


Amusingly, it seems to also be an acronym for the Cheese Racing Association. ...www.apsmithadsl.plus.com...

<Mort> Ironically CRASS DAY, happened to be the day that Infinity Radio (huge corporate radio show owners), decided to ban all sexually related radio segments.

Which means that "Ralph's Sex University", had it's last show today on KROQ. It's a segment with a sexually related theme each week, were people can phone in for help and education, as well as being damn amusing.

I keep wondering if this is a backlash from the Janet Jackson debacle.

It's just another stupid step in the wrong direction. I really wish we could buy our once beloved radio stations back.

<Lauren> Cheese racing, indeed! Those Brits are just plain weird.
<Lauren> INFOSPONGE: Please let me invite you. You can contact me at forguypauloonly at aol. Please, please. I want to invite someone.
<Lauren> Hey, where's Roger? Today's theme seems right up his alley; it's not like him to miss an opportunity to be crass...
<guyPaulo> I hope everyone who thinks that it's ME stalking LAUREN will see that her email is "FORGUYPAULOONLY(at)AOL" Yep, I'm teh sexy......go me, go me.....
<Mort> I like how that email address contains the word "LOON".
<Mort> I got a little silver Mini iPod today! Hurrar!!
<Jellyloo> grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
<Mort> Ha ha ha ha, you don't have one!! I do HA HA!
<Jellyloo> Evil laugh. Check. Funny villian hair. Check. Deformed by madness. Check...


<Mort> Dang, how did you know I was deformed by madness? I never leave my mad scientist lair.
<Jellyloo your X10 factory rep> For years, X10 has designed and manufactured cutting edge home automation & surveillance technology. By ordering FACTORY DIRECT from X10 - you get unbeatable low prices from a name you can TRUST!
<guyPaulo> Mort, are you going to pick a winner for crass day, or is it just an open forum? Do we need to pull out the big guns and go for super-crass?
<Lauren> guy, please don't do it. There is no way to work explosive diarrhea into these three photos. Please, I beg you, stop and think before you try to stretch the envelope here.
<Mort> Mort replies to guy as he peers around for hidden cameras...

I didn't intend it to be a competition. I ain't stopping you from pulling out the big guns and going super-crass. I think thats the point of the day.

Mort pounces on an oddly placed book.

Damn no camera there.

If you want it to be a competition then I select you as grand Poohbah Judger.

<ajiav> orkut still hates me.
<Lauren> e-mail me and I'll invite you back, ajiav.
<guyPaulo> I don't think that even devoted regs like myself should ever judge captions. That's a priviledge reserved for Image Gorillas, not lowly monkies. Its probably best not to select a winner anyway.

And Lauren dear, if there is a way to work the diarrhea angle in, then I will find it. Oh yes, I will find it...

<Lauren> Funny thing is, guy, I thought I had with my last caption, until I realized it sounded more like bulemia....
<Mort> I'm never gonna know you now, but I'm gonna love you anyhow.
<3Suns> That's the second reference today to a song from Good Will Hunting. What gives?
<Jellyloo> What was the first reference?
<Mort> So it is, maybe it's a sub theme...


<Jellyloo> Now I too, have been infected with that song! I am not sure if it beats 'Killing Me Softly With His Song' by Roberta Flack though.
<Mort> Damn you, Jelly loo.

I am infected by both songs, and they sound like the devil, when mixed together.

<guyPaulo> What are some other ideas for Theme Days? I saw "controvercial day" somewhere. How about "Pun day, "sexual innuendo day," or "meta day."
<Mort> I have a clever idea for next week, but I need to iron out the ripples. Also it will mean one less long senseless rant to make.
<3Suns> I think next week's should be "Not Crass Day". That would really force us to get creative...
<David Byrden> Did NOBODY see me on the webcam????
<Lauren> Sorry, David. I got all confused about the time differential. Can you do it again tomorrow? And can you tell us what time it is where you are as well as what time it will be where we are?
<David Byrden> OK! I will be on camera at 5am EST = midnight PST.
I will reappear at noon EST = 9am PST.
<Carol> Hooray! I will try harder and try to save pictures! (I didn't know if my husband would understand my getting up in the middle of the night for this, but he should know by now to expect some oddity, I guess.)
Wouldn't 5 am EST be 2 am PST? Please clarify.
<David Byrden> Dammit yes, those times are wrong.
OK, I will appear at midnight PST and again at 2pm EST.


<Carol> Okay, now I'm more confused! Is this right:
First: 3 am EST = 2 am CST = 1 am MST = 12 midnight PST
Second: 2 pm EST = 1 pm CST = 12 noon MST = 11 am PST
(... or are you in Dublin at all!)
<mypalmike> Is MST "Mort Standard Time"?
<David Byrden> Yes, those are the times I will try for. Perhaps your one and only chance to see a man standing in the street.
<Carol> Hahaha ... yes, I am setting my alarm clock for the rare opportunity of a blurry glimpse of someone I've never met, on a bridge in Dublin ...
<Carol> Mort Standard Time travels with Mort, I believe.
<Carol> I like 3Suns' idea of Not Crass Day! As if anyone is still reading here.

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