<GOD> GUYPAOLO! I KNOW WHAT YOU DO IN THE SHOWER! REPENT!!
<Axolotl> Jeeze, lighten up God... OUCH!! Oww! Stop it! Oww!!
<mypalmike> This guy is hired to paint a church. He's kind of cheap, so he buys some paint and a bunch of paint thinner, and mixes them to make a very thin paint. He then paints the church with this mixture. He gets paid and goes home happy. But the next day, it rains. The cheap paint mixture is just too thinned out and it peels and melts, leaving the church looking worse than before. As the man is walking by, a voice comes down from the heavens. It's the voice of God. He tells the man this: REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!
<guyPaulo> Hhhmmmmmm..... [god] "GUYPAOLO! I KNOW..." Apparently, god doesn't know how to spell my name. I'm pretty sure that's a bad sign.
<GOD > IT IS YOU THAT CANNOT SPELL YOUR OWN NAME! WHY AM I EVEN POSTING HERE? I COULD JUST SEND MY VOICE INTO YOUR BRAIN IF IT WASN'T ROTTED BY YOUR SELF-ABUSE!
<Harry Palms> Oh c'mon. 'Self abuse' is good for you! Cleans the ducts, reduces risk for cancer!
<guyPaulo> From looking at the cookie-log, I'd say god is a Swede. And a saucy Swede at that.
<Axolotl> AY! YOU KNOWETH NOT MY WRATH!
<Axolotl> Oh crap.
<DOG> I AM THE TRUE DOG! THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER DOG BESIDES ME! WOOF!
<guyPaulo> Well, this certainly explains the other-worldly good looks of the Swedish Bikini Team.
<Morgus> Hey, GOD, while you're hanging out, could you like, cure AIDS and stop the war in Iraq and stuff?
<guyPaulo> He will, Morgus, as soon as you make a burnt offering of a young calf upon his alter, and assuming the smell is pleasing unto him. Also, it would be just SUPER if you could form your requests in the form a a pious prayer from now on, you pushy little mortal
<ajiav> lol
<Morgus> I tried burning my calf like you said and now my whole leg hurts something terrible!
<guyPaulo> Yes but the smell was quite pleasing to the Lord, and so he will smite your enemies with a plague of boils. Please submit the names of your enemies on a plague-boil request form to the human resources office in Rome and it will be processed as soon as possible.
<Darlenenbc>  My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14). please let me know when you get your answers from Rome.
<guyPaulo> Darlenenbc; Sadly, you too will have to be stoned because of your use of graven images/icons (see the talking monkie to the right of your message). Please prepare yourself for divine judgement.
<Morgus> Yow, my leg is really hurting bad now, and it's an ugly brown black color in places and I don't know how the smell pleases the lord because it is starting to stink, especially where those juices are leaking out...
<guyPaulo> The Lord is not pleased with false prophets nor whiny little bitches, Morgus.
<Morgus> AUUUGGGGHHHH! NO NO NO NO NO!!! LIGHTNING STRIKES ME!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

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