[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 197 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker08:07:13Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker08:07:12Caption #706
Mr. NonameLurker08:07:08Caption #210
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:58Caption #597
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:46Caption #227
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:45Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:41Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:38Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:25Caption #872
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:23Caption #427
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:18Caption #909
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:15Caption #718
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:08Caption #630
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:07Caption #375
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:05Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker08:06:04Caption #70
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:59Caption #232
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:54Caption #674
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:46Caption #340
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:45Caption #443
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:43Caption #352
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:42Caption #564
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:40Caption #102
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:38Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:38Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:17Caption #104
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:15Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:10Caption #508
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:05Caption #89
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:01Caption #606
Mr. NonameLurker08:05:00Caption #365
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:53Caption #70
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:51Caption #637
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:47Caption #698
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:43Caption #918
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:42Caption #114
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:37Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:36Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:33Caption #925
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:32Caption #20
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:31Caption #62
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:27Caption #766
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:26Caption #184
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:24Caption #241
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:20Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:13Caption #257
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:12Caption #599
Mr. NonameLurker08:04:07Caption #561
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:59Caption #747
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:58Caption #590
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:57Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:52Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:51Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:49Caption #328
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:47Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:44Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:43Caption #-57
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:42Caption #909
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:41Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:41Caption #219
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:38Caption #627
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:36Caption #842
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:32Caption #640
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:30Caption #805
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:27Caption #371
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:26Caption #849
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:25Caption #638
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:23Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:20Caption #676
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:19Caption #90
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:18Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:14Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:13Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker08:03:06Caption #639
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:58Caption #182
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:57Caption #585
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:56Caption #835
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:53Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:50Caption #747
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:37Caption #236
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:32Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:28Caption #547
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:26Caption #580
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:24Caption #249
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:23Caption #641
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:20Caption #916
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:14Caption #957
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:13Caption #38
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:10Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:09Caption #344
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:01Caption #456
Mr. NonameLurker08:02:00Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:59Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:55Caption #565
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:54Caption #113
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:51Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:45Caption #71
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:44Caption #270
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:39Caption #542
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:36Caption #363
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:34Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:29Caption #717
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:28Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:27Caption #527
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:20Caption #845
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:15Caption #719
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:10Caption #725
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:06Caption #372
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:04Caption #243
Mr. NonameLurker08:01:00Caption #521
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:57Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:55Caption #300
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:54Caption #314
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:53Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:51Caption #404
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:50Caption #235
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:49Caption #509
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:44Caption #218
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:42Caption #525
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:41Caption #408
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:36Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:35Caption #606
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:26Caption #72
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:23Caption #380
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:21Caption #697
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:20Caption #271
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:19Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:16Caption #566
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:15Caption #437
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:11Caption #494
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:10Caption #292
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:09Caption #717
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:05Caption #474
Mr. NonameLurker08:00:00Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:59Caption #147
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:57Caption #598
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:56Caption #30
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:55Caption #261
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:53Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:52Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:51Caption #380
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:49Caption #139
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:48Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:47Caption #603
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:45Caption #575
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:43Caption #525
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:42Caption #547
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:41Caption #26
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:40Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:39Caption #831
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:38Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:37Caption #120
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:36Caption #211
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:35Caption #286
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:32Caption #159
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:30Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:29Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:26Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:25Caption #556
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:17Caption #530
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:14Caption #814
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:13Caption #298
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:12Caption #710
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:11Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:10Caption #326
Mr. NonameLurker07:59:03Caption #466
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:48Caption #-60
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:47Caption #70
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:46Caption #137
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:45Caption #294
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:39Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:38Caption #202
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:37Caption #63
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:36Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:35Caption #183
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:32Caption #171
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:29Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:25Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:20Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:15Caption #183
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:14Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:13Caption #156
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:11Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:10Caption #236
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:09Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:05Caption #656
Mr. NonameLurker07:58:00Caption #373
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:50Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:48Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:47Caption #715
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:44Caption #532
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:37Caption #14
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:34Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:33Caption #429
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:26Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:23Caption #766
Mr. NonameLurker07:57:18Caption #2

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post