[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 469 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker17:42:09Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker17:42:08Caption #374
Mr. NonameLurker17:42:06Caption #806
Mr. NonameLurker17:42:01Caption #514
Mr. NonameLurker17:42:00Caption #375
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:59Caption #194
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:57Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:56Caption #192
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:55Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:54Caption #-29
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:53Caption #-29
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:52Caption #-28
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:51Caption #801
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:50Caption #591
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:49Caption #506
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:48Caption #901
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:47Caption #714
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:46Caption #71
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:45Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:44Caption #631
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:43Caption #798
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:42Caption #513
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:41Caption #441
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:39Caption #216
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:37Caption #453
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:36Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:32Caption #140
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:31Caption #828
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:29Caption #62
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:28Caption #601
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:27Caption #127
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:26Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:25Caption #728
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:23Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:22Caption #446
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:21Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:20Caption #939
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:18Caption #195
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:17Caption #339
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:16Caption #179
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:15Caption #748
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:07Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:06Caption #39
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:04Caption #719
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:03Caption #59
Mr. NonameLurker17:41:00Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:59Caption #608
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:58Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:57Caption #-19
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:56Caption #721
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:54Caption #240
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:53Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:52Caption #489
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:51Caption #653
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:50Caption #565
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:48Caption #152
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:44Caption #355
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:42Caption #803
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:41Caption #354
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:39Caption #708
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:38Caption #210
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:37Caption #-14
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:36Caption #-13
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:33Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:32Caption #714
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:31Caption #705
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:30Caption #567
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:29Caption #424
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:26Caption #131
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:25Caption #147
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:24Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:23Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:22Caption #615
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:21Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:20Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:19Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:18Caption #135
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:17Caption #429
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:15Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:14Caption #723
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:13Caption #-2
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:12Caption #-19
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:11Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:09Caption #790
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:08Caption #399
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:07Caption #723
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:06Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:05Caption #143
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:04Caption #888
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:03Caption #63
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:01Caption #542
Mr. NonameLurker17:40:00Caption #602
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:58Caption #596
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:56Caption #608
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:52Caption #281
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:51Caption #-5
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:50Caption #575
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:48Caption #699
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:47Caption #-36
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:46Caption #-19
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:45Caption #-3
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:44Caption #410
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:43Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:42Caption #49
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:41Caption #638
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:40Caption #52
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:39Caption #779
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:38Caption #632
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:37Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:36Caption #09
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:35Caption #-17
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:34Caption #163
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:33Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:32Caption #140
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:29Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:27Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:26Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:25Caption #-59
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:24Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:23Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:22Caption #156
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:20Caption #359
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:18Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:17Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:15Caption #322
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:14Caption #139
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:12Caption #822
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:11Caption #-28
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:09Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:06Caption #314
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:05Caption #89
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:04Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:03Caption #671
Mr. NonameLurker17:39:00Caption #532
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:58Caption #-22
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:57Caption #117
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:55Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:54Caption #-37
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:53Caption #538
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:52Caption #260
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:51Caption #-59
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:50Caption #97
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:49Caption #648
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:48Caption #130
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:47Caption #-27
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:46Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:45Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:44Caption #273
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:42Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:41Caption #283
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:39Caption #64
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:38Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:36Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:34Caption #422
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:33Caption #595
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:32Caption #628
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:31Caption #578
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:30Caption #902
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:29Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:28Caption #-59
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:27Caption #312
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:26Caption #-27
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:25Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:23Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:22Caption #324
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:21Caption #-28
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:20Caption #622
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:19Caption #-49
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:18Caption #508
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:14Caption #331
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:12Caption #263
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:11Caption #575
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:10Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:09Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:08Caption #830
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:07Caption #3
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:06Caption #538
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:05Caption #509
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:04Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker17:38:02Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:56Caption #101
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:55Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:54Caption #279
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:53Caption #515
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:52Caption #184
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:50Caption #91
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:49Caption #780
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:48Caption #724
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:47Caption #515
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:44Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:43Caption #475
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:42Caption #547
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:41Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:40Caption #185
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:39Caption #886
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:38Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:37Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:36Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:35Caption #899
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:34Caption #101
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:33Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:32Caption #79
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:31Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:30Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:28Caption #259
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:26Caption #590
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:24Caption #364
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:22Caption #175
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:21Caption #854
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:18Caption #583
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:14Caption #402
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:13Caption #432
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:12Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:11Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:09Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:08Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:07Caption #105
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:06Caption #639
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:05Caption #818
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:04Caption #889
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:02Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker17:37:01Caption #57
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:59Caption #742
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:58Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:57Caption #-68
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:55Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:54Caption #421
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:53Caption #531
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:52Caption #230
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:51Caption #690
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:50Caption #674
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:49Caption #17
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:48Caption #421
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:47Caption #866
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:45Caption #649
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:44Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:43Caption #87
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:42Caption #224
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:41Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:40Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:39Caption #840
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:38Caption #-38
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:37Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:36Caption #712
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:35Caption #2.7
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:34Caption #388
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:33Caption #484
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:32Caption #536
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:31Caption #608
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:30Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:29Caption #247
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:28Caption #835
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:27Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:25Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:24Caption #992
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:23Caption #533
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:22Caption #428
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:21Caption #144
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:20Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:19Caption #930
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:18Caption #283
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:17Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:14Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:13Caption #-35
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:12Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:11Caption #110
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:10Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:09Caption #133
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:08Caption #944
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:07Caption #647
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:06Caption #-79
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:05Caption #-13
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:04Caption #556
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:02Caption #38
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:01Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker17:36:00Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:59Caption #145
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:57Caption #137
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:56Caption #642
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:55Caption #427
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:54Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:53Caption #-58
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:52Caption #784
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:51Caption #346
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:49Caption #552
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:48Caption #45
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:47Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:46Caption #-18
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:45Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:44Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:43Caption #860
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:41Caption #541
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:40Caption #860
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:39Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:38Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:37Caption #103
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:36Caption #290
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:35Caption #207
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:34Caption #86
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:33Caption #121
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:32Caption #290
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:31Caption #817
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:30Caption #504
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:29Caption #336
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:28Caption #598
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:27Caption #352
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:26Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:25Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:24Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:23Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:22Caption #598
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:21Caption #867
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:20Caption #468
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:19Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:18Caption #-12
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:17Caption #530
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:15Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:13Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:12Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:11Caption #561
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:10Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:09Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:08Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:07Caption #673
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:06Caption #713
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:05Caption #443
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:04Caption #754
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:03Caption #554
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:02Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:01Caption #-18
Mr. NonameLurker17:35:00Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:59Caption #778
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:58Caption #948
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:57Caption #144
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:56Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:55Caption #228
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:54Caption #212
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:53Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:52Caption #1
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:50Caption #707
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:49Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:46Caption #210
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:44Caption #-26
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:43Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:42Caption #-19
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:41Caption #659
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:40Caption #674
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:38Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:37Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:36Caption #558
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:35Caption #731
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:33Caption #366
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:32Caption #-26
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:31Caption #744
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:30Caption #505
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:29Caption #-37
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:28Caption #412
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:26Caption #684
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:24Caption #260
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:23Caption #535
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:21Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:20Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:19Caption #92
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:16Caption #361
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:15Caption #371
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:14Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:13Caption #771
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:12Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:11Caption #627
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:10Caption #448
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:08Caption #821
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:07Caption #472
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:06Caption #525
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:05Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:04Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:03Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:02Caption #305
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:01Caption #900
Mr. NonameLurker17:34:00Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:58Caption #-49
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:57Caption #71
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:56Caption #443
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:55Caption #830
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:53Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:52Caption #988
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:51Caption #675
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:50Caption #482
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:48Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:47Caption #847
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:46Caption #473
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:45Caption #688
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:44Caption #725
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:43Caption #756
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:42Caption #253
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:41Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:40Caption #256
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:39Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:38Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:37Caption #733
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:36Caption #523
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:35Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:34Caption #298
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:30Caption #71
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:29Caption #347
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:28Caption #-12
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:27Caption #794
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:26Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:25Caption #769
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:24Caption #120
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:23Caption #582
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:22Caption #233
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:21Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:20Caption #264
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:19Caption #58
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:18Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:17Caption #344
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:16Caption #449
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:15Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:14Caption #58
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:09Caption #377
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:08Caption #-68
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:07Caption #31
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:06Caption #57
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:05Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:04Caption #-17
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:03Caption #168
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:01Caption #757
Mr. NonameLurker17:33:00Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:59Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:57Caption #484
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:56Caption #314
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:55Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:54Caption #621
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:52Caption #892
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:51Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:50Caption #143
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:49Caption #375
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:48Caption #790
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:47Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:41Caption #523
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:40Caption #61
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:39Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:38Caption #110
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:37Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:36Caption #16
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:35Caption #259
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:34Caption #108
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:33Caption #619
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:32Caption #980
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:31Caption #-37
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:30Caption #239
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:29Caption #860
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:28Caption #104
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:27Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:26Caption #530
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:24Caption #242
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:23Caption #872
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:22Caption #48
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:20Caption #534
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:19Caption #778
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:18Caption #402
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:17Caption #29
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:16Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:15Caption #248
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:14Caption #278
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:12Caption #337
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:11Caption #264
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:10Caption #397
Mr. NonameLurker17:32:09Caption #23

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post