[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 205 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:18Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:17Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:16Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:15Caption #191
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:14Caption #391
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:13Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:12Caption #856
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:11Caption #749
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:10Caption #666
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:09Caption #209
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:08Caption #107
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:07Caption #107
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:06Caption #606
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:05Caption #742
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:04Caption #779
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:03Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:02Caption #697
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:01Caption #782
Mr. NonameLurker21:20:00Caption #607
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:59Caption #743
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:58Caption #662
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:57Caption #211
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:56Caption #656
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:55Caption #11
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:54Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:53Caption #196
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:52Caption #348
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:51Caption #325
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:50Caption #657
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:49Caption #878
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:48Caption #308
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:47Caption #812
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:46Caption #312
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:45Caption #815
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:44Caption #637
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:43Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:42Caption #387
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:41Caption #46
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:40Caption #313
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:39Caption #375
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:38Caption #384
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:37Caption #313
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:36Caption #636
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:35Caption #106
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:34Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:34Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:32Caption #122
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:31Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:30Caption #434
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:29Caption #107
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:28Caption #216
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:27Caption #661
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:26Caption #358
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:25Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:24Caption #721
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:23Caption #522
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:22Caption #555
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:21Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:20Caption #227
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:19Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:18Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:17Caption #317
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:16Caption #789
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:15Caption #878
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:14Caption #90
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:13Caption #849
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:12Caption #608
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:11Caption #887
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:10Caption #871
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:09Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:08Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:07Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:06Caption #63
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:05Caption #220
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:04Caption #125
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:03Caption #886
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:02Caption #764
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:01Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker21:19:00Caption #187
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:59Caption #82
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:58Caption #798
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:57Caption #887
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:56Caption #7
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:55Caption #237
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:54Caption #780
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:53Caption #874
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:52Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:51Caption #619
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:50Caption #755
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:49Caption #381
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:48Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:47Caption #875
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:46Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:45Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:44Caption #756
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:43Caption #612
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:42Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:41Caption #310
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:40Caption #601
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:39Caption #107
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:38Caption #742
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:37Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:36Caption #275
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:35Caption #212
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:34Caption #179
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:33Caption #769
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:32Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:31Caption #758
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:30Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:29Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:28Caption #179
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:27Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:26Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:25Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:24Caption #879
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:23Caption #216
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:22Caption #624
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:21Caption #444
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:20Caption #104
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:19Caption #97
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:18Caption #327
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:17Caption #917
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:16Caption #729
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:16Caption #428
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:14Caption #627
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:13Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:12Caption #328
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:11Caption #504
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:10Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:09Caption #40
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:08Caption #935
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:07Caption #170
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:06Caption #219
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:05Caption #505
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:04Caption #774
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:03Caption #390
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:02Caption #763
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:01Caption #573
Mr. NonameLurker21:18:00Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:59Caption #381
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:58Caption #431
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:57Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:56Caption #764
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:55Caption #884
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:54Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:53Caption #629
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:52Caption #252
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:51Caption #207
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:50Caption #102
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:49Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:48Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:47Caption #711
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:46Caption #197
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:45Caption #208
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:44Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:43Caption #333
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:42Caption #509
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:41Caption #648
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:40Caption #193
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:39Caption #679
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:38Caption #887
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:37Caption #128
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:36Caption #795
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:35Caption #634
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:34Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:33Caption #768
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:32Caption #888
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:31Caption #343
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:30Caption #633
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:29Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:28Caption #24
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:27Caption #106
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:26Caption #217
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:25Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:24Caption #521
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:23Caption #48
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:22Caption #905
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:21Caption #107
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:20Caption #301
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:19Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:18Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:17Caption #49
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:16Caption #399
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:15Caption #157
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:14Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:13Caption #223
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:12Caption #503
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:11Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:10Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:09Caption #872
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:08Caption #536
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:07Caption #637
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:06Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:05Caption #215
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:04Caption #616
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:03Caption #221
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:02Caption #412
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:01Caption #655
Mr. NonameLurker21:17:00Caption #269
Mr. NonameLurker21:16:59Caption #216
Mr. NonameLurker21:16:58Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker21:16:57Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker21:16:56Caption #256
Mr. NonameLurker21:16:55Caption #656
Mr. NonameLurker21:16:54Caption #263

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post