[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 179 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:54Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:53Caption #327
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:52Caption #759
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:51Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:50Caption #136
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:48Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:40Caption #903
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:39Caption #606
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:38Caption #454
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:37Caption #521
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:36Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:35Caption #112
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:34Caption #737
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:33Caption #426
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:32Caption #43
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:31Caption #111
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:29Caption #427
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:28Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:26Caption #857
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:25Caption #147
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:24Caption #194
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:23Caption #-51
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:20Caption #121
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:18Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:15Caption #519
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:12Caption #353
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:11Caption #283
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:08Caption #304
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:07Caption #761
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:06Caption #154
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:05Caption #426
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:03Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker00:35:00Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:59Caption #509
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:58Caption #705
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:57Caption #752
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:56Caption #418
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:55Caption #235
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:54Caption #140
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:53Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:52Caption #571
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:51Caption #304
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:50Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:49Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:48Caption #64
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:47Caption #205
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:46Caption #366
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:44Caption #291
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:43Caption #488
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:42Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:41Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:40Caption #921
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:38Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:36Caption #736
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:35Caption #557
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:34Caption #48
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:33Caption #893
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:32Caption #230
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:30Caption #514
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:29Caption #797
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:28Caption #158
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:27Caption #547
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:26Caption #74
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:25Caption #58
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:24Caption #271
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:23Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:22Caption #9
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:21Caption #755
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:20Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:17Caption #908
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:16Caption #327
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:15Caption #5
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:13Caption #368
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:12Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:11Caption #152
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:10Caption #384
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:09Caption #102
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:07Caption #207
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:06Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:04Caption #423
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:02Caption #244
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:01Caption #585
Mr. NonameLurker00:34:00Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:59Caption #134
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:57Caption #206
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:56Caption #763
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:55Caption #474
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:54Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:52Caption #630
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:50Caption #614
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:49Caption #903
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:48Caption #566
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:47Caption #265
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:46Caption #258
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:45Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:44Caption #837
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:43Caption #290
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:42Caption #361
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:41Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:40Caption #244
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:39Caption #818
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:37Caption #218
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:33Caption #523
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:32Caption #464
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:31Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:29Caption #689
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:28Caption #909
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:27Caption #388
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:26Caption #367
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:25Caption #535
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:24Caption #64
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:23Caption #645
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:22Caption #495
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:21Caption #643
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:20Caption #663
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:18Caption #264
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:16Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:15Caption #919
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:14Caption #195
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:13Caption #-15
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:11Caption #355
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:08Caption #276
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:07Caption #-24
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:06Caption #303
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:05Caption #633
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:04Caption #800
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:03Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:02Caption #328
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:01Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker00:33:00Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:58Caption #-20
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:57Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:56Caption #683
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:55Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:54Caption #152
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:53Caption #870
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:52Caption #115
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:51Caption #394
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:49Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:48Caption #664
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:47Caption #362
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:45Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:43Caption #42
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:42Caption #620
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:41Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:40Caption #759
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:38Caption #295
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:35Caption #564
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:33Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:32Caption #784
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:30Caption #388
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:28Caption #853
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:25Caption #-12
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:24Caption #38
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:22Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:21Caption #665
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:18Caption #453
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:17Caption #183
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:15Caption #937
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:12Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:11Caption #319
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:09Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:07Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:06Caption #621
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:04Caption #220
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:03Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:02Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:01Caption #875
Mr. NonameLurker00:32:00Caption #302
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:58Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:56Caption #316
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:54Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:53Caption #367
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:52Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:51Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:50Caption #414
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:48Caption #222
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:45Caption #423
Mr. NonameLurker00:31:44Caption #700

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post