[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 10/04/2004 by Mort
<--  First Choose an alternative caption:  > Last   -->-->

Rover was so eager...

...to please his new owners...

...he pooped diamonds.
(Battersea Dog's Home)
(AP)
(AP)

Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
Mr. NonameLurker15:05:46drooled over #54
Mr. NonameLurker08:23:46drooled over #666
Mr. NonameLurker13:52:24drooled over #76
Mr. NonameLurker08:51:51drooled over #102
Mr. NonameLurker09:22:14drooled over #555


Current Users

There have been 535 users in the last 10 minutes.
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:35Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:34Caption #641
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:33Caption #606
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:32Caption #-15
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:31Caption #-18
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:30Caption #-48
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:29Caption #572
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:28Caption #451
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:27Caption #575
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:26Caption #37
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:24Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:23Caption #859
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:22Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:19Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:18Caption #533
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:17Caption #311
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:16Caption #326
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:14Caption #650
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:13Caption #369
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:12Caption #477
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:11Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:10Caption #34
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:09Caption #282
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:07Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:06Caption #150
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:05Caption #796
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:04Caption #734
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:03Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:02Caption #446
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:01Caption #230
Mr. NonameLurker04:31:00Caption #299
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:59Caption #792
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:58Caption #734
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:57Caption #232
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:56Caption #13
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:55Caption #198
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:54Caption #207
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:53Caption #649
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:52Caption #723
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:51Caption #851
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:50Caption #693
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:49Caption #936
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:48Caption #357
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:47Caption #936
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:46Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:45Caption #704
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:44Caption #916
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:43Caption #605
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:42Caption #372
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:41Caption #263
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:40Caption #527
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:39Caption #570
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:38Caption #153
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:37Caption #527
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:36Caption #101
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:35Caption #342
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:34Caption #785
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:33Caption #776
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:32Caption #-12
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:31Caption #585
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:30Caption #494
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:29Caption #652
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:28Caption #605
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:27Caption #516
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:26Caption #709
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:25Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:24Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:23Caption #284
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:22Caption #266
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:21Caption #94
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:20Caption #689
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:19Caption #387
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:18Caption #730
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:17Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:16Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:15Caption #106
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:14Caption #670
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:13Caption #686
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:12Caption #731
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:10Caption #-11
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:09Caption #926
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:08Caption #935
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:07Caption #395
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:06Caption #485
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:05Caption #140
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:04Caption #265
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:03Caption #883
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:02Caption #217
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:01Caption #274
Mr. NonameLurker04:30:00Caption #199
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:59Caption #617
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:58Caption #742
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:57Caption #551
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:56Caption #434
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:55Caption #335
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:54Caption #126
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:53Caption #374
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:52Caption #450
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:51Caption #856
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:50Caption #93
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:49Caption #847
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:48Caption #313
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:47Caption #558
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:46Caption #169
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:45Caption #438
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:44Caption #618
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:43Caption #537
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:42Caption #855
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:41Caption #369
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:40Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:39Caption #-12
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:38Caption #174
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:37Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:35Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:34Caption #406
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:33Caption #399
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:32Caption #611
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:31Caption #490
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:30Caption #43
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:29Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:28Caption #297
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:27Caption #75
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:26Caption #489
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:25Caption #536
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:24Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:23Caption #814
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:22Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:21Caption #493
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:20Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:18Caption #161
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:16Caption #750
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:15Caption #85
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:14Caption #933
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:12Caption #173
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:11Caption #381
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:10Caption #129
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:09Caption #515
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:08Caption #875
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:06Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:05Caption #283
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:04Caption #726
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:03Caption #840
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:02Caption #390
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:01Caption #318
Mr. NonameLurker04:29:00Caption #397
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:59Caption #471
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:58Caption #386
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:57Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:56Caption #274
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:55Caption #144
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:54Caption #546
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:53Caption #95
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:52Caption #831
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:51Caption #838
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:50Caption #694
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:49Caption #808
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:48Caption #279
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:47Caption #414
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:46Caption #286
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:45Caption #667
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:44Caption #446
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:43Caption #631
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:42Caption #854
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:41Caption #148
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:40Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:39Caption #672
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:38Caption #73
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:37Caption #380
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:36Caption #775
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:35Caption #175
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:34Caption #533
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:31Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:29Caption #330
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:27Caption #892
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:26Caption #775
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:25Caption #436
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:24Caption #374
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:23Caption #334
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:22Caption #137
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:21Caption #619
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:20Caption #289
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:19Caption #175
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:18Caption #345
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:17Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:16Caption #176
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:15Caption #0
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:14Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:13Caption #118
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:12Caption #220
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:11Caption #574
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:10Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:09Caption #287
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:07Caption #622
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:06Caption #761
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:05Caption #558
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:04Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:03Caption #827
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:02Caption #699
Mr. NonameLurker04:28:00Caption #119
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:59Caption #249
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:58Caption #587
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:57Caption #545
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:56Caption #492
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:55Caption #127
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:54Caption #626
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:53Caption #393
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:51Caption #427
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:50Caption #186
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:49Caption #315
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:48Caption #947
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:47Caption #544
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:46Caption #398
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:44Caption #707
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:43Caption #397
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:42Caption #876
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:41Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:40Caption #445
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:39Caption #351
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:38Caption #167
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:37Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:36Caption #341
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:35Caption #80
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:34Caption #12
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:33Caption #121
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:32Caption #124
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:31Caption #275
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:30Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:29Caption #251
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:28Caption #60
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:27Caption #292
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:26Caption #940
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:25Caption #264
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:24Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:23Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:22Caption #231
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:21Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:20Caption #491
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:19Caption #719
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:18Caption #643
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:16Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:15Caption #739
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:14Caption #83
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:13Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:12Caption #182
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:10Caption #15
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:09Caption #134
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:07Caption #861
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:06Caption #141
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:05Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:04Caption #10
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:03Caption #547
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:02Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker04:27:01Caption #836
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:59Caption #886
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:55Caption #732
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:54Caption #925
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:53Caption #889
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:52Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:51Caption #203
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:50Caption #146
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:49Caption #261
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:48Caption #-64
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:47Caption #357
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:45Caption #417
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:44Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:42Caption #311
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:41Caption #27
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:39Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:35Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:34Caption #69
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:33Caption #755
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:31Caption #720
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:30Caption #755
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:29Caption #44
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:28Caption #275
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:27Caption #486
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:26Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:25Caption #72
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:24Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:23Caption #768
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:22Caption #51
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:21Caption #441
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:20Caption #833
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:19Caption #668
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:17Caption #787
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:16Caption #690
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:15Caption #609
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:14Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:12Caption #526
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:11Caption #831
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:10Caption #511
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:10Caption #201
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:08Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:07Caption #768
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:05Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:04Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:03Caption #127
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:02Caption #352
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:01Caption #344
Mr. NonameLurker04:26:00Caption #134
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:59Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:58Caption #860
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:57Caption #635
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:56Caption #869
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:55Caption #530
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:54Caption #691
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:53Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:52Caption #229
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:51Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:50Caption #227
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:49Caption #257
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:48Caption #700
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:47Caption #528
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:46Caption #446
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:45Caption #416
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:44Caption #151
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:43Caption #92
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:42Caption #160
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:41Caption #325
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:40Caption #463
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:39Caption #529
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:38Caption #647
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:37Caption #876
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:36Caption #77
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:35Caption #455
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:33Caption #79
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:32Caption #658
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:31Caption #166
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:30Caption #425
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:29Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:28Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:27Caption #293
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:26Caption #871
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:25Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:24Caption #55
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:23Caption #-9
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:22Caption #-16
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:21Caption #942
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:20Caption #478
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:19Caption #539
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:18Caption #117
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:17Caption #622
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:16Caption #867
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:15Caption #547
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:14Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:13Caption #785
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:12Caption #532
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:11Caption #763
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:10Caption #695
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:09Caption #295
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:08Caption #800
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:07Caption #778
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:06Caption #98
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:05Caption #92
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:04Caption #168
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:03Caption #119
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:02Caption #555
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:01Caption #524
Mr. NonameLurker04:25:00Caption #132
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:59Caption #651
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:58Caption #92
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:57Caption #138
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:56Caption #702
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:55Caption #250
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:54Caption #957
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:53Caption #846
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:52Caption #237
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:51Caption #822
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:50Caption #635
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:49Caption #736
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:48Caption #-33
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:47Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:46Caption #333
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:44Caption #41
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:43Caption #602
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:42Caption #6
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:41Caption #49
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:40Caption #373
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:39Caption #433
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:38Caption #589
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:37Caption #495
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:36Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:35Caption #21
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:34Caption #88
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:33Caption #818
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:32Caption #500
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:31Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:30Caption #296
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:29Caption #484
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:28Caption #102
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:27Caption #924
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:26Caption #553
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:25Caption #507
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:24Caption #536
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:22Caption #902
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:21Caption #440
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:20Caption #513
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:19Caption #97
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:17Caption #933
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:16Caption #43
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:14Caption #929
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:13Caption #895
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:12Caption #913
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:11Caption #375
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:10Caption #405
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:09Caption #698
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:08Caption #586
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:07Caption #477
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:06Caption #236
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:05Caption #845
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:04Caption #50
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:03Caption #360
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:02Caption #958
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:01Caption #653
Mr. NonameLurker04:24:00Caption #256
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:59Caption #559
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:58Caption #936
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:57Caption #768
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:56Caption #439
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:55Caption #134
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:54Caption #265
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:53Caption #852
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:52Caption #95
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:51Caption #332
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:50Caption #434
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:49Caption #142
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:47Caption #629
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:46Caption #321
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:45Caption #53
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:44Caption #773
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:43Caption #732
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:42Caption #637
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:41Caption #280
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:40Caption #106
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:39Caption #830
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:38Caption #8
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:37Caption #71
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:36Caption #653
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:35Caption #495
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:34Caption #409
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:32Caption #99
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:31Caption #757
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:29Caption #590
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:28Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:26Caption #46
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:25Caption #409
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:24Caption #149
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:23Caption #644
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:22Caption #808
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:21Caption #71
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:19Caption #824
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:18Caption #373
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:16Caption #238
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:15Caption #772
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:14Caption #835
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:13Caption #447
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:12Caption #843
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:11Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:10Caption #417
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:09Caption #182
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:08Caption #409
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:05Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:04Caption #96
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:03Caption #600
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:02Caption #262
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:01Caption #420
Mr. NonameLurker04:23:00Caption #165
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:59Caption #760
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:58Caption #950
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:57Caption #470
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:55Caption #-39
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:54Caption #855
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:53Caption #474
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:52Caption #541
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:51Caption #00
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:50Caption #127
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:49Caption #674
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:47Caption #501
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:45Caption #497
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:43Caption #479
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:42Caption #957
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:40Caption #100
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:39Caption #504
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:38Caption #360
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:37Caption #353
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:36Caption #822
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:35Caption #200
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:32Caption #823
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:31Caption #446
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:30Caption #22
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:29Caption #4
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:27Caption #610
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:26Main Page
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:24Caption #764
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:23Caption #580
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:21Caption #855
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:19Caption #905
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:18Caption #736
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:17Caption #483
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:16Caption #67
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:15Caption #329
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:14Caption #687
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:13Caption #548
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:12Caption #512
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:10Caption #633
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:09Caption #613
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:08Caption #681
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:07Caption #675
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:06Caption #625
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:05Caption #453
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:04Caption #70
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:03Caption #733
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:02Caption #881
Mr. NonameLurker04:22:01Caption #378
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:59Caption #255
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:58Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:57Caption #154
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:56Caption #583
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:55Caption #162
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:54Caption #65
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:52Caption #197
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:51Caption #94
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:49Caption #18
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:48Caption #594
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:46Caption #499
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:45Caption #498
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:44Caption #528
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:43Caption #528
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:42Caption #551
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:41Caption #593
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:40Caption #498
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:39Caption #498
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:39Caption #94
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:37Caption #314
Mr. NonameLurker04:21:36Caption #635

Board [Post Message]

I am not blessed with many things; I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can not float cannonballs, I can not make beautiful girls dance forbidden dances in my head. This being said there is one thing I can do: random acts of pointless crime.

Picture a car (no officer not my car), a driver (no officer not I) lost in a maze of run down suburbia. Houses made in the 40s for the grey and mundane, once coloured with happy dog walking folks, pie baking mothers, gee-wiz kids, morgue stiff fathers. Now only the people who work the jobs that you won't work, live there; the people who "The Gap" moved out of your upwardly neighbourhood; the ones that drive fifty miles a way to say "Have a nice day!".

I stop the car at the biggest house in the neighbourhood, once perhaps the developer's home, now undeveloped, devolved, delightfully deadened. The front door is locked, but behind back there is a first floor window open above ivy choked latice. My hands are known to be strong, strong enough for ivy tangles, warped window panes, and strong enough to grip the inside molding and pull me quietly inside.

There is nothing so peaceful as a freshly broken into house, nothing I like more than to sit straight down on the old carpeting and stare into the dark of a new room and listen to the creaks and groans of a stranger's safe home.

The first room: a collectors dream, brik, brak, flik, flak, everything kitch, everything with a niche. Paintings interspace the walls, shining oils glowe in the half light, paintings of distorted people, cloud shapped children, hooded goblins. A large sign is attached to a door, "Toilet, use at your own risk", why would someone need warnings about their own bathroom? Inflatable animals, books on legs, books on movies, movies of books, books on books, half bodied mannequins with long shapely legs in soft hosery. I find myself sat on a large collection of 50s erotic fiction, with titles like: "The Mother Truckers" and "The Ladies' Barracks" with illustrated covers to match.

The next room is a dark and musty closet, making me wheeze, I am sure it's full of interesting things, but not what I'm looking for. You might ask what I am looking for, I don't know yet, something missing, something they have that was a part of me, more important than wanting, something I needed. I would be sure when I saw it.

The upstairs corridor is covered in bright cotton fabrics instead of wallpaper, I can't stop myself from brushing the material on both walls with my finger tips as I walk downstairs. The first downstairs room is a study, with books lining all the walls, I begin to giggle with joy. Pressing my back against a bookshelf and staring, my spine against the spines of books, the bookshelf moves as I press against it and some books move under my weight. Looking back I see that I pushed "The Last Jews of Berlin" and "Kermit reads to his nephew" deeper into the shelf, it's odd that anyone would put those two books so close together.

The living room contains two old couches and many desks, over the walls is the eerie sight of childrens' dolls nailed or pinned into place, there are too many things to look at, too much to describe. Everything in the room disolves to abstract, finally I see the object.

I have never felt so much bliss, finding the object that completes me in a stranger's house, it is perfection. Lying there on the floor under a newspaper, a simple silver orb, glimmering slightly. So soft and smooth, warm to the touch, the floating insides glowing in the light, flakes of white snow and silver sparks that swirl like dreams. Shaking it my whole world twist too, like a kaleidoscope that shows chaos instead of perfect order. Clutching it to my chest and heart, I run out through the front door, into my car and drive two streets before stopping between streetlights under a dark tree. Tired and overwhelmed I climb back into the back seat and with my neck cricked against the arm rest, my tight pants loosened and the shinging orb safe in my arms; I fall asleep.


There are 4 messages for this day.
<ajiav> damn you literate crooks!
<3Suns> You call that a rant? Where are the explosions? The beautiful women? The shadowy criminals? The... oh, wait, I guess there were shadowy criminals after all.

Awesome.

<guyPaulo> Keep the rants coming Mort. We like them.
<Mom> You're going right back in there and giving that shining orb back, young man! Did you think I wouldn't find out?!


Post message:
Name:
Message:

Click the monkey to post