For the third time this summer, the tanning bed at the local spa malfunctioned causing lower extremities to remain untanned. Unfazed, these "beauties", despite previous disasters and warnings from local townfolk, marched down to the local water supply to even out the tan on their buttocks and legs. |
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Unfortunately, the therms generated from heating all that cellulite once again caused the water pressure in the local township to skyrocket, which in turn caused faucets and sprinkler systems to burst at every opening. This time was going to be different, however. Immediately the cellulite emergency dogs were dispatched to predetermined locations around the town. Here we see Rover, a trained and highly specialized cellulite emergency dog, attempting to quell the madness eminating from a sprinkler outside the local zoo. |
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Despite monumental efforts and endless training and preparation, however, we're sad to report that the pressure became so great that it pushed Rover dangerously close to the Big Cats exhibit, where the water enraged the amimals, who then wild with rage consumed Rover and numerous other trained cellulite emergency animals who were attempting to stop the high pressure water bursts. The 8 women responsible for the disaster (far left) are all currently in county jail awaiting a bond hearing. Funeral services for the cellulite emergency dogs who perished in the disaster will be held this Thursday. |
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