[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 03/04/2004 by Mort
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GURU ASHANDA

IF YOU FOLLOW MY DIRECTIONS YOU WILL BE WELL REWARDED.

God I hear you, but I am not sure this will be a favourable outcome.

Sure it's a pretty dog, but it ain't going to win the 4:10 at the dog track.
(AFP)
(AFP)
(AP)
Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

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Board [Post Message]

The words surrounding a painting:

The mermaid swam deeper. Through ever green kelp, its strands slick, its stranglehold loosened -- letting her pass through easily now. Her sadness poluting, spreading beyond her brittle body, sending scents that far away sharks sensed as blood.

Deeper she swam, beyond where the kelp grew, the blue green tone of the water departing. She saw no more, only felt her hands clasped hard against her face: her tears feeling warm against the chill of the deeper waters. She curled up; too fragile, too cold and numb -- not caring as she tumbled. Bubbles rose through her clenched fingers as she called out his name, a pointless ruin of vitality as oxygen starvation sucked on her from within. There on the edge of her world -- her body and spirit crushed -- she looked once more to the surface.

Cold doubt felt melting to her frozen mind, her thoughts moved listlessly, but the doubt was impassive. Had he truly been lost?

She was on the threshold, the question needed an answer, there could be no other time. Her life weak, she pushed with finality upwards, and once again reached oxygen rich water. She swam up and up, past scattering fish, towards the phosphorescent green divide of water and sky.

She broke the surface, the violent storm had become becalmed, but still nothing could be seen except the rock. The rock on which they had first met and last seen. She pulled herself up on to the small rock, her hair wild and tangled in the wind, her scales gleeming like a hand sewn sequined gown. This is how he had first seen her, come to her rescue in his small fishing boat. This is how they had met everyday for three months.

"Perhaps he will come tomorrow." The mermaid thought, as she turned her head from the wooden wreckage around her

There are 14 messages for this day.
<obtuse> Meanwhile, the ponderous bulk of the sea witch Ursula jiggled disgustingly as she cackled deep in her nautical hideout. That dumb ninny Ariel was too dumb to recognize the remains of the fisherman's boat around her, much less deduce that the vile sorceress had taken him for her own nefarious purposes.

The only thing left for her to do was decide what freakish marine creature to transmogrify him into: perhaps a cowfish? Aha, a nurse shark - what better way to emasculate such a handsome specimen of the male species. For you see, Ursula was of that peculiar breed of woman that is somehow destined to always be a heinous, militant, man-hating bitch.

<JulieK> In the first panal, that is that talking orb from wigu isn't it
<3Suns> For proof that God is a hermaphrodite, look no further than the juxtaposition of the first panel and ...www.sites.si.edu...
<Stormi> So, Mort, it the picture of the chick getting whipped cream sprayed on her tummy going to show up tomorrow?
<Mort> There is no tomorrow in MostEmailedopia.
<Stormi> oh. sorry. ::slinks off::
<Mort> Maybe Monday Stormi.

This is haunting.
...www.angelfire.com...

<3Suns> OMG, that's my irradiated Ukranian girlfriend! I didn't know she had a webpage!

It's great, you see, 'cause we never have to worry about birth control.

<3Suns> Too bad she's losing her hair kinda fast.
<3Suns> If anyone can make up a caption based on the fact that that nebula looks exactly like the Space Marine's helmet in DOOM, I'll give them a cookie.
<Starbug> OMFG you gotta see this!
<Starbug> Hmm, the message program is excising my <a> tags... if I can't make an anchor, how can I link to it?
<3Suns> just paste the URL, the site will link it automatically
<Starbug> It's ...www.slowwave.co...


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