[Most Emailed Photos] [Most Fortunate Fortune]

Most Emailed Photos - 01/19/2004 by guyPaulo
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Oh great. Some pervert snaps my picture just as I adjust my nipples. It's sure to be on mostemailedphotos within the hour.

Wonderful. Now legions of geeks across the world will be "grabbing the mayonnaise fire hose," as they stare at me.

Worst of all, those damn caption monkies will be cackling over me, writing obscene captions, just like the disgusting little primates they are.
(Reuters)
(AP)
(AP)
Description

The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion.

Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't.

All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007.


History

These 5 things happened most recently.
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Comments on Alternatives [Add Comment]

There are 14 comments for this caption.

<yoyology> This one's really good. Meta, but good, and I give you extra points for the graphic masturbation euphemism.
<No one in particular> Mayonaise fire hose, man I would have never have thought of that. But that picture on the left does kinda make you want to pull ot the hose and put out a fire!
<guyPaulo> Thanks guys, I think that its going to be a good day for the more obscene monkies like me and Elvis.
<mypalmike> I'm looking forward to guy's upcoming book, "Masturbation: A Man's Guide to Squeezing the Easy Cheese"
<ElvisThePelvis> Hehe...mypalmike that is funny.
<guyPaulo> Excuse me while I go "teach the albino dolphin to spit from his blowhole."
<ElvisThePelvis> I plan on some "Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo" later followed by a little session "Performing the Jedi Hand Trick" and finally I will finish off with some "Test Firing the Death Star".
<Mort> My personal favourite is "Punishing the red headed step child". Funny Guy.
<MLimburg> 'Lay the plumbing'

On a semi-related note, ever taken a Harry Potter novel and replaced the word WAND with the word WANG?

<David Byrden> What the hell are you all talking about?!?!?!?!?!?
<guyPaulo> We're talking about "wrestling the cyclops," or "taming the tan python," or "making out with Rosie Palmer and her 5 sisters."
<David Byrden>  Oh.
<guyPaulo> Also: "jerkin the gerkin," "keeping the census down," "polishing the fleshy torpedo," and "adjusting the throbbing purple pneumatic drill of love."
<mypalmike> You see, when a man and a hand are in love... Well, you'll learn about it when you're a little older.

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