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| Description |
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The challenge was to take the top 3 most emailed photos on yahoo and create a hopefully amusing story about the sequence. I reserve the right to refuse a disturbing picture, this includes any pictures of celine dion. Please feel free to add alternative captions if you can or comments if you can't. All rights to the photos belong to the companies in brackets beneath them. All text, concepts and layout is copyright Mort 2003-2007. |
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These 5 things happened most recently.
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Even now I have such bittersweet memories of our love. Valentines day was meant to be the cherry on top of the hot chocolate sundae that was our delicately dangerous love affair. Now on Valentines day -- as I eat this special bar of chocolate -- I try to fill my sorrow with the words I've borrowed, but they can't fill this hole. |
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There are 52 messages for this day. |
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| <jordie3> Your lady is amazing. | ||
| <Lauren> Before today, I had fantasized about drowning in a vat of dark chocolate. It hadn't occurred to me that it might be boiling. | ||
| <Jmofwiw> _______________________________________ So the manager from the beer factory had the sad task of telling an employee's widow that her husband had died on the job. "He fell into a twenty-thousand gallon vat of beer and drowned," he sadly explained. "Oh no," she exclaimed. "Did he suffer much?" "We don't think so. He got out to go to the bathroom three times before he drowned." | ||
| <guyPaulo> Man, 16 captions at 6:00Am (mort time). And its not even Wednesday. Mort needs to put up some Viagra banners and start raking in the cash. | ||
| <Morgus> Viagra? Waste of ad money with this crowd... we none of us need it. Hubba Hubba! | ||
| <Morgus> Viagra? Waste of ad money with this crowd... we none of us need it. Hubba Hubba! | ||
| <Lauren> no, I wouldn't suppose you'd need viagra... not if you can still do multiples. | ||
| <guyPaulo> Gosh, its not that rare among women, but a man that can have multiple comments is a lucky soul indeed! | ||
| <Lauren> One of my favorite British folk songs is about a sailor who comes from a family known as "Nine Times a Night." A rich and beautiful young widow seeks him out and proposes marriage, but alas is a tad disappointed on their wedding night when he only 'trims her sails' seven times. His response is: Nine times a night's | ||
| <guyPaulo> It used to be that most folks wouldn't really start cranking out the captions til right before lunchtime (central time), but know they really come early. | ||
| <David Byrden> I seriously can't post anything. The preview button leads always to another preview button! I'm on Netscape and my usual settings. | ||
| <Mort> David - are you sure you are putting your name in? | ||
| <3Suns> David: I think that can also happen if you leave one of the panels completely blank. You have to put a space in the box to make a blank panel. | ||
| <Lauren> Did anyone else happen to read the caption for the Cow Fish photo? "When scared it can release a toxic chemical which can kill many surrounding fish, including itself." What sort of advantage would this adaptation hold? | ||
| <3Suns> Basically, it earns the cowfish a reputation as a tough customer. It's the same reason poison arrow frogs are poisonous... birds might eat them at first, but soon they adapt to not eat them (since those that do die a horrible death). Cowfish are distinctive looking, and predators in its area evolve and develop ways to recognize them. These kinds of highly-developed organisms are, to paraphrase Neal Stephenson, the stupendous badasses of the sea. Much like Stephenson's character Raven in Snow Crash, you don't mess around with it because doing so would cause Mutually Assured Destruction. | ||
| <Jmofwiw> Hiro Protagonist would understand. I love it when they name something in the ocean for it's land-equivalent. Like Sea-Horses because they look like horses... or like Cow Fish, because they can release toxins that kill everyone nearby. | ||
| <infosponge> Mmm...toxic fish... | ||
| <guyPaulo> I would guess that the poison explosion is an adaptation gone wrong. Perhaps at one point, the fish was immune to the cloud, and has slowly lost its resistance. I have never heard of any other animal with this kind of feature. | ||
| <Mort> Tomorrow is V-Day so this was the very last in the series of fatal love stories. You are now allowed to sigh with relief. | ||
| <mypalmike> Mort, just take out the code that says: if( user == "David Byrden" ) | ||
| <mypalmike> Oh, great caption today, Mort. | ||
| <mountaineer> sigh. | ||
| <Handler> Is the mission not going well mountaineer? Or are you sighing for other reasons? | ||
| <mountaineer> It was a sigh of relief. | ||
| <Handler> Then you are glad Mort has finished his sappy overly romantic drivel? | ||
| <mountaineer> Death by chocolate. What a way to go. | ||
| <Handler> Death in the lonely wastes of Mongolia would not be the best of ends. You should make sure you escape that fate. | ||
| <ajiav> i used to imagine myself swimming in a pool filled with kraft macaroni and cheese. i could hear very well in my head the greasy, sputtering sound macaroni and cheese makes when you are physically moving through a large quantity of its buttery goodness. | ||
| <mountaineer> Mongolian chocolate sucks. The yak milk...ugh. | ||
| <Mort> I once wanted to live my life on the back of a yak. Never having to get off, waving majestically to my loyal subjects | ||
| <3Suns> Yakkety-yak. Don't come back. | ||
| <rainbow unicorn sparkle> (sax solo) | ||
| <Mort> Bill Clinton? | ||
| <rainbow unicorn sparkle> (maniacal laughter) | ||
| <Mort> Oh definitely Bill Clinton then. I guess you have too much free time now Mr. Ex President. | ||
| <rainbow unicorn sparkle> (waves tinsel wand over your head, pirouettes and throws confetti) | ||
| <Mort> What do you think of the gossip about Kerry having had an affair with an intern? Do you have any advice for him Mr. Ex-President? | ||
| <ajiav> rainbow unicorn sparkle, whoever you are, do not leave. you are too funny of a characterization. | ||
| <rainbow unicorn sparkle> (Reveres the feet of apple juice with a look of grave consternation) | ||
| <Lauren> *thinks anyone named rainbow unicorn sparkle should always wear a look of internal bliss.* | ||
| <y¢¾y¢¾l¢¾gy> Just for clarity, those are supposed to be hearts. Apparently, the character map doesn't work quite right. ¢¾¢¾¢¾¢¾¢¾¢¾ | ||
| <rainbow unicorn sparkle> Love is greater than hate. Wash up for dinner, and don't be late. (returns to never-never land to do horribly happy paperwork) | ||
| <Mort> Nice to meet you bad character map person. Have fun in never-never land Rainbow Unicorn Sparkle. Wow I felt kinda dumb saying that. | ||
| <apple juice is a verb> *one solitary tear forms at the edge of apple juice's eye, and in slow-motion drips onto his desk...SPLASH* | ||
| <y¢¾y¢¾l¢¾gy> What? Did somebody litter? | ||
| <ajiav> lol, yc/4yc3/4lc3/4gy | ||
| <obtuse> ♥btuse | ||
| <♥btuse> Capti♥ns are in Arial, c♥mments are in Times New R♥man. | ||
| <yaasan be> burkhan orshoo butin chinee sakhal urga | ||
| <Plechazunga> Plechazunga LOVE all you funny letter things on this. All so funny. Happ happ happy Valentine Day from this Plechazunga fella. Real quick. Yes. Go, things on here - make more funny letters for Plechazunga! | ||
| <Plechazunga> This so funny, make Plechazunga wet pants all over. Yes. Maybe next day Plechazunga make funny letters to! | ||
| <bogino omd> khanan deer khaana khadag baina ve? | ||